Cancelling DC activities unless they pay

[PhoebeMcPeePee]

We are skint - live in a decent house/area etc but absolutely no money leftover each month & after a not excessive christmas are now £2.5k overdrawn (we were £2k overdrawn before to be fair).

We've drawn up a strict budget but have nothing left for DC's activities so asked them whether they would mind having a quieter term without so many clubs as we need to stop spending so much money but with the option of continuing if they use their own money (each have c.£400 in the bank). DH & I don't have a problem with this as there's simply no money left let alone finding £450 for a term's activities in the next few days (£140 for 2 x swimming lessons, £85 for 1 x piano & £220 for 2 x martial arts).
Both will continue with football as we paid for the season in September & scouting pursuits as these are much cheaper & we've already made camp committments/payments.

FWIW aside from cutting food bills etc I will be swopping my weekly exercise class for a run/bike ride & DH has given up smoking (day 4 so far so good and we won't be going out anywhere for the foreseeable future so we are all making sacrifices.

My parents are shocked that we have involved the DC in our financial predicament and also asked them to choose between stopping an activity they enjoy or using their own savings to keep going. They've offered to pay for one activity which is great but it got me wondering whether we did the right thing having this sort of conversation with children age 5 & 9.

Think it entirely depends on how you worded it to them.
Personally I don't think they need to know the state of your finances at that age. Dd2 (also aged 9) has a friend whose parents are constantly telling her they have to cut back/can't afford things. In turn dd comes to me, worried that her friend will soon be sleeping on the streets - a lot of time at school is spent with friend repeating 'we can't afford/are poor', she worries a lot about it & it has shaken her sense of security. (Should add, have spoken to her mother & although they have less disposable income than before, are nowhere near as poor as her dd now believes, down to one foreign holiday this year apparently).
Anyway, I think YAbu involving them, I don't think they don't really need to know it's possible to cut back without them even knowing 'your' reasons why - "we're doing too much, so are going to drop X or Y for term" might be better way to go?

I'd keep the swimming and piano, lose the martial art, it's expensive and they already do 2 sports.
Swimming and piano is something you cannot just stop for a term here (London), you lose the place, teacher, etc. waiting lists are a mile long.

For the 5yo I find it all a bit much, my 6yo only has swimming and is about to start piano.

You have to really look at your budget. Why has your DH only just stopped smoking if you have been over your budget every month for about a year? Where can you save money? Sell stuff, car boot sale in the spring? Ebay?
Your debt is still manageable, but could spin out of control.

Leave the dc's savings alone.

I think worrying children over adult budgets puts a pressure on them they don't need. You could have said you wanted them to have more free time etc so what was their favourite to do.

I'd not touch their savings, it's not needed just drop the extras. They will soon have no savings after a couple of terms of hobbies.

I would drop everything apart from swimming and take up your parents kind offer and let them pay for it

Unless they are already strong swimmers then it is a skill which ultimately may one day save there life and something I wish I had being taught as I still can't swim now at 43

My girls do very little other than swimming which they both enjoy and are now good at

If they can swim strongly then I would use the offer for the martial arts as again being able to defend themselves competently may come in useful one day

I don't think it hurts for them to know that money is tight and you are cutting back but I would also stop the martial arts . I'd let the GPs pay for piano for the older one and swimming for the younger one and then take them both swimming as well each month . TBH their savings wouldn't last long and it may well take a while to get on top of your overdraft . Get your DH to put the money he would have spent on smoking in a pot that way you will notice it more.

I think you were wrong to involve the children in your financial decisions, its not their fault you live beyond your budget. It's great that you are making cut backs via stopping gym membership, smoking etc. Would also be worth having a look at the Stepchange web site for tips on dealing with debt.

I wouldn't use the children's money to pay for clubs. You simply can't afford them so they get stopped, your children do a lot of activities so stopping a few is fine.

Also check out the frugal living threads on here.

Just tell them that you cannot afford to do these extra activities at the moment. I f they really really want to do a particular activity, tell them it will have to come out of their own money for the time being cost depending of course.

Thanks all for the feedback & general consensus that whilst IANBU to stop activities I probably shouldn't have got DC so involved in the technicalities of our finances so will definitely take heed for future reference as I don't want them worrying unnecessarily.

It does make sense to stop the martial arts & keep up swimming especially as dc2 still can't swim plus martial art is the most expensive (there are a few extras on top of class fees). Sod's law it's the one that dc1 has been doing longest & is best at/most dedicated to & ds2 enjoys to most so for now at least, this is the one my folks will pay for. Swimming will have to be as & when we can do family swims (although at £15 plus parking not often enough sadly ).

We have often talked about this in pta at school and tbh most parents are telling their children that they can only do one afterschool activity and they have to choose. I have no problem telling my children we can't afford something. Same with xmas. One pressie is from santa and the rest are brought by mum and dad - who have a budget. It would be lovely for me not to have to talk to my 5 year old about the cost of things but that's life