To be an emotional wreck after passing during test

[Baliali31]

Passed my test recently, in early thirties and have 17 week old ds. I'd been trying hopelessly for years to pass but was really motivated to do it for my son's sake so I can take him to classes etc (live rurally).

I am really struggling with driving to the extent that I am constantly thinking out my journey, beating myself up about mistakes etc. to make it worst my car needed some work done by garage a week after I started driving (been assured it was wear and tear issues largely due to being 12 years old) so in my mind I'm not only a danger to others on the road but to the car itself!!!! Most of all I am terrified of causing an accident with ds in the car although rationally I know I'm a sensible driver overall.

Has any other MN passed driving test with young baby? If so, any tips to help? AIBU to quit driving and go back to a life of buses?

I passed on my third attempt. When doing lessons I went from the instructor telling me I was the best student he ever had to the worst (he told me I was the worst a week before the test) he said it in a jokey way as we have become somewhat friendly in the 15 weeks I had been having lessons.

In the first few lesson I was really confident and found it really easy, then I got cokey and lazy, then I realised and over analysed everything and hated that someone was watching me.

When I did pass I was terrible for the two to three months, I actually hated driving and got really angry (road rage) I would shout at everyone imagine someone in a Ford KA ranting and raving at someone doing no wrong. After those three months though I became more confident, and no (3 years on) I could drive with my eye closed (wouldn't recommend that).

Whatever you do don't stop driving and don't have a break from it for any extended time. You don't really learn to drive until after you pass.

I agree with everyone who says little and often. Pick a couple of routes that you're either comfortable with or are places you have to get to. And drive one of them every day.

Practice and repetition are the best things. Good luck. x

Don't give up!! I'm not entirely sure this is just a new driver thing. I'm a really experienced driver and when DD was a baby I had a massive wobble about having her in the car.You need to build up your confidence with short trips in areas you know well with easy parking when you get there.Even round the block will do at first.It's hugely stressful just loading an infant and all their stuff into the car so go very easy on yourself and see each short trip as a victory. Congratulations on passing your test!

I passed my driving test about 2-3 years before I had dc1 and the first time driving with him in the car I was a nervous wreck.

Oh OP, I feel your pain. I passed first time last November and I'm only now starting to feel properly confident.

But then there are days like yesterday, where everyone else on the road seemed to be an impatient twat (I had some idiot behind me beeping away when I was taking time coming out of a junction - he couldn't even see what was coming! - and again at some traffic lights when I was waiting behind a car that was turning right).

And then I misjudged meeting a bus and ended up scraping against the kerb.

You will get there if you practice, but it is hard, and it doesn't come easy. It's unfortunately one of those things that you have to get out and do.

Oh, and I'd also second the sat nav suggestion. I just got a phone holder for the car and just use Google Maps on my phone, it's as good as any.

I would definitely recommend a Pass Plus course if you can find a local instructor. If I recall correctly it has a section on rural driving and nighttime driving too.

It might be possible to do it in your own car, but I'm not certain.

Keep at it. I don't have a youn un but I was always a nervous driver - I really had to force myself to drive (constantly felt sick, sweaty) however I'm happy to say I bloody love driving now. Once you get past that feeling that you're going to kill someone it gets better and better.

There's a pass plus course you can take. Your driving instructor should be able to tell you about it. My youngest DD wasn't a confident driver and did the pass plus. It gave her the little bit of extra confidence she needed. Congratulations on passing!

my Dad always said you don't really learn to drive till you passed your test...I passed early 30s too with young DCs....I was hysterical when I passed and it was more than a week till I would drive again...6 weeks later I was on the M25!!! (considering I live rural and we had to have a 1 1 /2hour lesson to drive to city to find lights and roundabouts!)
Slowly and surely...you'll get there..
And even if you are like my friend and HATE driving but can do routes you know well and nothing more, that will be ok....

I passed my test when 33 weeks pregnant DTD's and didn't then drive again until they were about 9 weeks old. To begin with I was absolutely terrified but now a year on I'm much more relaxed about driving (apart from parking which I really struggle with). What helped me to begin with was driving on the same roads I had had my lessons on. I was familiar and comfortable with then and therefore had less "unknowns" to deal with. That helped me build my confidence up and it does get easier over time.

I never had any issues about driving until I had the DC. Somehow it really affected my nerves and I got progressively more anxious about driving.

If I had to go anywhere new. or on a "fast/big" road I would be awake all night worrying about it.

The way I got around it was hypnotherapy. It worked wonders for me and although I will never be the sort of perosn who drives "for fun" I can drive confidently now and the anxiety has pretty much gone.

Ask around, a friend might have a recommendation of a good hynotherapist if they have quit smoking or for weight loss or fear of flying?

Good luck!

God I feel the same! Also a 'mature' learner and passed at the beginning of November. I was convinced I was going to fail, and even having passed I remain convinced that I only passed because I had a nice examiner and I got the world's easiest route and no other other drivers were arsey (so basically not realistic driving conditions!). We don't yet have a car for me (I did automatic and DH's is manual) and I've been having the odd refresher lesson with my instructor to keep my skills up until we get a car for me (hopefully within the next month or so). Like you, I was motivated because I have DD and will need to do the school run when she starts in September. I am scared too!!!

Wrll done OP! Speaking as an HGV driver, we can spot novices a mile off: twitchy steering, variable speed, face contorted with terror. Most of us make allowances, not least because we've got kids your age.
Keep driving. Take St. John's wort or rescue remedy.

Good luck.

Thank you everyone! I had a more positive day today, took everyones's advice and travelled a short well known route to a friend's house. Also felt I was getting used to gears, clutch etc better. Going to keep up little and often this week :)

Good one. :).