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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say "no more presents"?

22 replies

Itscurtainsforyou · 02/01/2015 01:51

So, I'm not really materialistic, I have most things I need. I find that people often don't know what to buy me for birthdays and Christmas and, if asked, I tell them not to get me anything. I'm not anti-birthdays, it's nice to get a card/text or offer to meet up to celebrate, I just don't want a present.

At the risk of sounding really ungrateful I wish people would buy me nothing rather than presents I'm not going to use/be interested in as they are (to me) wasting their money. For example, people have recently bought me tickets to a place I have no interest in going to, which is a 400 mile round trip from where I live. We've already booked a holiday for this year, which is in the opposite direction, so its going to be additional expense (fuel, hotel etc) just to use the tickets (which expire at the end of the year). I'm finding it really frustrating as its an indication of how they don't know me or take any notice of what I say (when I say I don't want presents).

FWIW I've always been a little like this, when I got married we had a charity donation page, for people to donate to only if they wanted - yet people still brought gifts.

Would I be unreasonable to tell people that I want to ban presents? To say that now I've reached a milestone birthday I don't see the need for them any more?

I feel ungrateful, but I just want people to stop wasting their money on me.

OP posts:

OuchLegoHurts · 02/01/2015 01:55

Oh just say thanks and be appreciative, people are being kind

SorchaN · 02/01/2015 01:58

Many people want to give presents to those they care about. What if you asked for something you might actually use - maybe socks? (I love it when people give me socks. I'm probably odd.)

Original poster

Itscurtainsforyou · 02/01/2015 01:59

That's what I do at the moment. I'd just like to draw a line and ask for no more.

OP posts:

Original poster

Itscurtainsforyou · 02/01/2015 01:59

This is my problem - I don't need anything! I have socks!

OP posts:

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 02/01/2015 02:04

Why not ask for vouchers? Surely you can always use amazon/m&s/John lewis/costa/sainsbury/tiffanys/ vouchers? Or a subscription/membership?

nocutsnobuttsnococonuts · 02/01/2015 02:04

how about when asked ask for vouchers? then can be used against household expenses if u wanted.

Original poster

Itscurtainsforyou · 02/01/2015 02:07

I'm not bothered about vouchers tbh - we still have john lewis vouchers from our wedding (5 years ago) that we've not spent. My vouchers usually end up expiring before I find something to spend them on!

OP posts:

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 02/01/2015 02:09

Right, well, if you have more money than you know what to with, that you don't even want vouchers for places you do shop, then just tell people that.

Bulbasaur · 02/01/2015 02:11

SorchaN I love socks too!

OP, it sounds like you have a slight self esteem problem to be honest. People aren't wasting their money on you. They're showing affection to show they care.

They aren't getting you things you like, because you give them nothing to go on. Figure out something you like, or find some hobbies that you can collect accessories and pieces to.

Interesting read

musicalendorphins2 · 02/01/2015 02:19

Re gift the tickets, or tell the givers you don't have any holiday time left, so can't really use them, can they return them?
Very silly of them to get you tickets for something so far from home.

Adarajames · 02/01/2015 02:58

I alwYs can find something I need to spend vouchers on, send them over to me!

More seriously, lots of chAirities need items / raffle prizes who'd be more than happy to recieve your unused vouchers

1hamwich4 · 02/01/2015 03:18

There's nothing wrong with feeling like this. You shouldn't be pressured into acquiring anything you don't want to just because some folk think giving Stuff is the done thing.

I feel the same way- there is very little I want or need and frankly having to find houseroom for more things is a bind. I prefer consumables or vouchers now as they take up less space but to be honest giving me some free time is the best thing. A free morning to catch up on tidying, craft and sorting out the house is pure gold.

A present is supposed to be a nice thing for both giver and receiver. In a perfect world the giver would know what to get. In reality it's all a bit more random.

Some givers make it more about them than you. They want to feel good about giving a present more than anything else and won't pay as much attention to your preferences as their own.

This sort of thing really isn't about your shortcomings, it's about theirs.

The only sensible thing to do, if you've tried and failed to get them to stop, is to accept gracefully and re-gift, sell or donate to charity.

slithytove · 02/01/2015 03:31

Flog the vouchers on eBay or use them to buy this years birthday / xmas gifts. Or regift them for same.

however · 02/01/2015 08:00

My self esteem is fine. I'd be happy to never recieve another gift in my lifetime.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 02/01/2015 09:38

Just draw a line, say no more presents please. People will get it, it may take some longer than others, but it's possible, it's also really nice not to see your loved ones not waste their money on things you only marginally want at best.

Vouchers are not a solution! They're an obligation, unless they know you either enjoy shopping at the store so would be anyway (which makes them a fine gift for people who do, although the risk of them becoming worthless when they expire or store shuts down mean I wouldn't risk it). But otherwise you have to end up shopping somewhere you don't necessarily want to, and end up buying things more expensive than you would otherwise.

Sure, give me some M&S vouchers and I could buy some socks, but I'm actually quite happy with the Tesco socks at the moment, so it's irksome to see the waste of that extra couple of quid going to waste.

I've said no presents for 20 odd years, occasionally new people come into my life (DP, MIL etc.) who take a few years of "thank you, but please don't" But this year and last year, zero presents for b'day, christmas, etc. A good few years!

misskangaandroo2014 · 02/01/2015 10:24

Ask for no presents / if you must get vouchers for a supermarket. If you get lots donate them to your local foodbank.

nokidshere · 02/01/2015 11:04

I have a good deal going with my lovely MIL who always wants to buy me things, (but I just don't really need or have anything that I really want) She pays for me to have my hair cut & coloured instead - she gets to feel like she has given me a gift and I get my hair done for nothing - win win

Flumpf · 02/01/2015 13:22

I have said this for the past few years. I really don't want/need anything for Christmas. I have asked people who were kind enough to consider buying me a gift, to please give the money they would have spent to a charity instead. No one took any notice the first year, but the past two years have gone ok I think.

cricketpitch · 02/01/2015 14:29

I am with you OP - it is hard. I have gallons of perfume from a particular friend, endless candles, more objects and trinkets than I know what to with... Some people are at last getting the message but it takes a while. The more people that are open about this,(assuming they also don't want gifts of course), the easier it is for those of us who hate presents to say what we feel without seeming rude.

I ask for chocolate and flowers if I feel I have no other choice and my DD booked and paid for a facial for me which was nice.

RedButtonhole · 02/01/2015 14:45

Maybe it's just because I'm used to being skint, but I can't imagine not being able to find any use at all for a John Lewis voucher. I don't ever shop in there because I can't afford
to, but if I was given a voucher I would buy myself something useful and enjoy the fact that it was a little bit fancier than what I could normally afford for myself. But then I'm not used to having enough money that I can buy everything I want and need when I feel like it.

You can get vouchers for supermarkets now, what about asking for those? I understand you don't exactly need them but at least they can be used up on things that you would buy anyway and that don't just create more clutter?

I'm finding it hard to relate to the fact there is nothing at all you could use the extra money for, but I think supermarket or Love to Shop (where you can use them almost anywhere) would be a good compromise if people realky wont listen to you.

simbacatlivesagain · 02/01/2015 14:49

I would be happy never to receive a gift. I have all that want and money to buy what I want. The only things that I really want but don't have are in excess of £500 each but again if I really wanted them I would buy them. I would rather get no gifts. I hate tat.

You can use John Lewis vouchers to buy food in Waitrose- so they must be useful if you live near one.

hiddenhome · 02/01/2015 14:50

I absolutely loathe receiving presents. It makes me feel as though an emotional connection is being forced upon me and I don't like the way that makes me feel. I don't even like receiving them from dh.

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