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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am i being unreasonable to expect work to be reasonable during pregnancy

36 replies

l1ttlebean · 01/01/2015 15:30

sorry if this thread has already been covered...... but ... i have been a bit unwell with pregnancy. i have chrones and i have lots of internal problems with me lady bits too - i had ivf and was v v v lucky to concive on the second attempt - however since i returened to school (work) in September i was taken off my meds and of course i became v ill. long story short i have been off for nearly 6 months as a stitch was being considered (and still is - final appointment next week). I have contacted work numerous times since being off and have either not been replied to via email or i have got a one/two word text. None of my work collegues have contacted me during time off (thought i had some work 'friends' after 8 yrs!) and now i am due back to work at end of Jan and i am having a major wobble about going back. I really dont like the place anymore and i am also worried about being put in a position of doing something that will put extra pressure on the preganancy, there is no duty of care left in the place. I used to love my job and i think i was good at it - however they have now made me belive that i am inadequate :( - is it hormones or .........

OP posts:
HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway · 01/01/2015 15:33

Phone ACAS and have a chat about your rights and what you should be able to expect.
click here

Original poster
l1ttlebean · 01/01/2015 15:36

I am a member of Unison but they werent overly helpful when i contacted them about this and another matter :( they just said to write down any actual events and contact again if i had any new concerns

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 01/01/2015 15:38

Did you telephone anyone and actually speak to them?

Original poster
l1ttlebean · 01/01/2015 15:40

You are now unable to contact a member of the senior team directly by phone - you have ot phone and leave a message - i have tried to call the works SLT mobile but no one picked up (4 times) and i left messages asking them to call back. My rational side is saying its because they are unable to contact during 'sick leave' but i dont really think its that as they have sent 'information' letters home during this period :s

OP posts:
paperlace · 01/01/2015 15:42

Ask for a meeting with your line manager/boss in a formal way - through HR if you have an HR dept - and say it's to discuss the last few months and iron out any issues.

I hope it goes without saying that you need to just stick to discussing your medical needs and your role and hear them out - and don't say you felt you should have been asked after and that you had friends etc.

FWiw I think they have behaved oddly, if not shoddily, but perhaps there are things you don't know about or they are taking a very different view hence why you need a frank and honest meeting.

ChristmasEva50 · 01/01/2015 15:42

I think it is probably a combination of hormones and having been off for so long that are getting you into a bit of a panic. Tell yourself that you will go back and see how you get on. If you don't feel it's working out then you can re-think.

It is a bit of a bummer that no ones been in touch with you but I worked with the same people for 20 years and they were good colleagues with whom I occasionally socialised but not friends. I speak pleasantly should I meet one of them in the supermarket but don't see them otherwise. Do you have some real friends.

PelvicFloorGoneSouth · 01/01/2015 15:44

I'm a bit confused - you say you returned to school in september but have been off for 6 months?

Are you a teacher? If so you should be getting support from your union........why do you feel you may be put under pressure to do things that may add extra pressure?

Are you having a return to work interview with your line manager - if so you need to bring up your concerns then.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 01/01/2015 15:45

You should be able to have a back to work meeting. People may be annoyed you have been off for so long. May be a case of out of sight, out of mind to.

Original poster
l1ttlebean · 01/01/2015 15:55

I returned to work in September to be signed of within the week. I do work at a school and I have had an appointment with Occupational Health while off and the contact I have instigated has been on the advice of OH. I have emailed 3 times asking for the proceedure for a return to work after long term sick and this is what i have had no response to ( along with the unanswered messages during the sick leave).
I would never bring up the part about no one contacting me during the illness - just writing that, that had made me feel even more isolated and wobbly about returning.
I have no idea who my line manager is anymore as the premisis had undergone massive changes and this is another reason why its probably ok that no one is answering me as no one really knows whats going on - Its just isolating being at home ill and no one responding - there has been long gaps between emails so giving them time to respond. It just doesnt make you feel very valued.
Union really didnt want to know as there was nothing really concrete to talk about.

OP posts:
GretnaGreen · 01/01/2015 15:59

It's hard for employers in the sense that employees who are contacted frequently whilst on sick leave sometimes complain that they feel under pressure to return or aren't being allowed to recuperate. But if you are going back to work then you should have a return to work meeting and I can understand that you must be feeling out of the loop and a bit anxious. If you have an HR department it may be worth contacting them rather than the senior management team?

quietbatperson · 01/01/2015 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SparklesForEveryone · 01/01/2015 16:24

Are you able to stay signed off until you have the baby? And then not go back after maternity leave?

Will you be able to be a SAHM?

Original poster
l1ttlebean · 01/01/2015 16:25

hahhaha quietbatperson - totally agree on unison :) :) :) - am an academy - no HR for miles around (or one that they want you to know about) its all a bit of a mess at work but i think talking about it has helped - its only work right ...... have my health (kinda :) a lovely hubby, family and friends so really if all else fails i can move on - just dont want to go back in a couple of weeks :( :( :( xx

OP posts:
Original poster
l1ttlebean · 01/01/2015 16:27

not able to stay home until baby as pay would drop off too quick - and with maternity leave round the corner and have been looking at cots and prams today - going to need every penny ! - would like to b a SAHM am working on hubby to get sorted at work so i can stay home ;) XX

OP posts:
SparklesForEveryone · 01/01/2015 16:31

I think sometimes we have to grit our teeth and just 'do it'

You can do it, you sound like you have a good support network around you, it's short term (ie find another role after baby born etc)

How long til baby due?

Original poster
l1ttlebean · 01/01/2015 16:32

baby due end of April so not too long to go :) xx

OP posts:
blueshoes · 01/01/2015 16:35

Are you actually fit enough to go back to work before you go off on maternity or are you forcing yourself because you need the money? If the latter, then it will add to your wobbles. If you return in Jan, Hhw long will you be at work before you start your maternity leave?

fluffymouse · 01/01/2015 16:37

It sounds like lack of comunication is the issue, and as you have said this may be due to organisational change.

From your post they are not asking you to do anything you feel unhappy with, or is there something else?

Your work colleagues not contacting you is upsetting, but maybe they are unsure how to instigate contact in this situation. Have you tried contacting them?

In your situation, if I was unable to get hold of my line manager I would go up the management ladder till I found someone to talk to.

Original poster
l1ttlebean · 01/01/2015 16:40

I think blueshoes its a bit of both - physically i think im ok to return as long as i get all clear next wk - mentally im still scared i could miscarry as i have been told for so long about the struggle i would have to keep him - but there is also the mental thing of i need something for my brain to do and we need the money before he gets here - i could start my maternity March/APril school usually likes it if you leave in a half term but GP has made it clear if unable to do job he will resign me off - then school can make me start maternity sooner - its just scary going back when youve been off for so long and so many changes have happened and its all a bit wobbly ....... (confused)

OP posts:
SuggestmeaUsername · 01/01/2015 16:47

I think if you have been off with a pregnancy related illness for a certain period of time, your maternity leave has to kick start then.

also, if you are off on sick leave, your employers have to be careful about contacting you as can be deemed as harrassment

SuggestmeaUsername · 01/01/2015 16:51

and if you qualify for SMP, your employers have to pay it even if you decide to leave altogether. it can be paid as a lump sum or on a weekly/monthly basis

FlowerFairy2014 · 01/01/2015 17:31

Definitely go back to work in January. You will be in a much stronger position legally if you do.

Have you been paid when off sick? Most people are not paid for the first 3 days and then after that get a very low statutory sick pay.

Original poster
l1ttlebean · 01/01/2015 17:50

i have been lucky to get 6 months full pay - hence the need to return before that ends and then the maternity pay starts later - i will go back - just really not looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Playthegameout · 01/01/2015 18:21

I treach, but not at an academy. In my experience if you've been off for over 21 days, you'll automatically have a return to work interview. This will be conducted by whoever is responsible for personnel at school. At our school it's the head or deputy head. You can discuss your concerns then.

newyearsresolutionsnotforme · 01/01/2015 21:16

If you work in a school, wouldn't the Head Teacher and deputy be the right ones to email to ensure it gets to the right place? I'd put read receipts and delivery ones on all emails so you can be sure they've been delivered eve if they won't send the read receipts.

In regards to being a SAHM, that might really help because of your chrohns as well- it may be good to be able to not have the stress on top as well especially after a harsh pregnancy. I would look into your maternity leave rights though OP. In my job I have to repay maternity if I don't come back to work for at least six months after maternity.

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