DH and his stupid boats.

[Squirrelsmum]

AIBU?
DH has always had a thing for boats, he didn't have any when we met but speaking with long time friends it is probably the only period in his life when he didn't have one. Now he has 4!
I don't care that he has them, but he wants me to join in his happy sailing shit. I don't like boats, they tip over and people drown, I've been out once with him and when I wasn't helping pull ropes and jump from one side to the other I was curled up with my eyes closed freaking out, but he is convinced that I would be his ideal sailing partner no matter how many times I have told him I don't want to. He's gone off with the shits today because I would rather sleep than spend the day sailing. We spend plenty of time together so it's not like I never see him. He works hard and wants to spend his down time trying to combine me and his recreational activities. He thinks I just need to get used it so can spend a holiday sometime in 2015 sailing the tropics, my idea of hell. It has gotten to the stage where I'm having anxiety twinges every time he mentions the bloody things.
Apart from me not wanting anything to do with them, I have a chronic health condition and debilitating fatigue is one of the things I live with everyday. My one and only trip left me with bruising up and down my legs and I was bedridden for two days afterwards feeling like I'd been hit by a bus. Not my idea of a good time.
So AIBU not wanting to go sailing with him and to tell him to find some other fool to go holidaying with? Or am I just talking myself into it like he thinks?

My exh had a yacht and was very selfish about his time on it. I just thank god he is an ex now.

Squirrel, that's not an equal balance to me. The compromising and adapting as all been on your side, so it is time to decide what makes you happy.
It works in my family with adrenaline junkies and historians and musicians and whatnot because the balance is equal and both partners compromise.

It sounds foul - my DH is the same, except with caravans. He's always trying to get me to go along, convinced I will love a particular campsite or whatever, even though I loathe it every time. Once a year, I put a happy face on and go with them (of course the DC's love it) and force myself not to moan not always successfully if I'm truthful and the rest of the year I leave them to it, wave them off happily without any resentment and enjoy a weekend on my own. Could some kind of compromise be a way forward?

YANBU. You physically can't manage the sport, and you need to make it plain that it frightens and injurs you.

My sport is not suitable for DW due to a physical problem, benign in itself, that means she CANNOT take part. Do I get the arse? I do not.

Time for a Talk.

I lived on board for 20 years but have total sympathy: I hate dingy sailing.
Think about the trip to the tropics. It will be a much larger boat so you won't get hurt so much. You could also hire someone for crew.

He wants to spend his down time combining me and his recreational activities

There's your problem. Right there. Ie this is to be an excuse for him never spending time doing anything YOU want to do, as he's already "done his bit" by being with you on the boat.

I understand your gripe. Dh bought his first with all our savings on teh day before our wedding. This should have been a big red flag for me.
Over the years we've had others. He finally sold the last two last summer. Power boats mind, they take up loads of space and money We did use one weekly with kids for a while. Cabin cruiser and did a BBQ on board and swimming. But they are (and I quote Dh) "holes in the water that you pour money into" I don't miss them, I think he does.

Anyone who tells you sailing isn't dangerous hasn't yet been in danger in a boat. Its like horse riding or flying a private plane. You don't really get a second chance when it goes wrong.

It mystifies me why members of the public are allowed to just buy a boat.

They should have to have a driving/pilot licence for a car/plane.

kim - that's a classic story.

My DW knew a man who bought a very expensive very large 'gin palace' type motor yacht. Next thing she saw a story on the news of it being smashed to bits against a cliff. He just set off out to sea in it - no idea what he was doing and ran aground.

Had a very lucky escape some years ago. I was asked to be the cook on a trip from the south coast to Scotland. When the time came I had the most awful flu, so had to cry off. The boat was run down and 4 people were killed.

I wouldn't mind if my dh was interested in boats rather than his new hobby of becoming a viking. He wants me to join him in dressing up

I am with you on the fear part. I hate small boats and get quite panicky in a small boat in deep water. However, I think I could manage the tropical island cruise thing if I was in a largeish boat as a passenger. I'm sure there are holidays where you can crew if you like but some just go as passengers and enjoy sun and swimming and beach bbq type things.

Squirrel, o/h used to have a Laser, one of the first in Italy at the time, hence its name-Ufo and yes, that was 'one' of his, too. I crewed for him once or twice in the French boat we had. Didn't like it...spinnaker stuff? Nah...

Built an Optimist for the little lad, too.

But sailing, or any other sport, is a great de-stresser, I reckon, so it bothered me not at all when he took off for a weekend regatta, whatever. As he would look after our son and the house, etc. when my own interests took me away on a dig or whatever.

And we'd always lots to talk about.

Suited me/us.