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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 20 months is too early to potty train?

62 replies

notagainffffffffs · 31/12/2014 17:38

My ds is very talkative about toilets and needing a poo etc etc at the moment, all my relatives and friends have said he must be ready and dh has bought him a potty today.
Im just a bit :s.
It just seems way too early! He is my first so i dont have any experience, dont want to force him to do things that arent necessary tbh.
Aibu to tell dh (and everyone else!) To back off for a while?

OP posts:
poocatcherchampion · 31/12/2014 22:16

Dd1 done day and night by age 2, started at 21 mo. Dd2 is 17 mo and don't a wee and a poo in there today - her first sit.

CornChips · 31/12/2014 22:20

Aeroflotgirl my DS was not interested at all until well after 3 - heading towards 4. I started to get worried and pushed it a bit and he would get very upset. Finally, a few months before he was 4 he said 'nappies are for babies' and went straight to the potty, no accidents, all done and dusted.A month or so later he started using the big toilet. We still use a nappy for night, but he is dry 99% of the time and this evening told me he does not want it anymore.

For me, what worked was me relaxing, not pushing and letting him lead the timetable. When it happened, it was totally painless, and 100% dry and sorted straight away. They are ready when they are ready, be it 'early'. 'on time' or 'late'. :)

CornChips · 31/12/2014 22:22

Oh...and the first time he peed in the potty I cried. :) Then we ran around the house doing a 'potty dance'.

skylark2 · 31/12/2014 22:24

Not really. It used to be common and normal for kids to be trained by about two, and not the "parent catches everything" sort of trained either.

When I say "used to be", we took the nappies off DS at about 22 months and potty training took about a week. Most of his friends were later but potty training at about 2 was completely normal. It was very unusual (though allowed) for a child to start playgroup at 2 1/2 in nappies. He's only 15, this isn't exactly decades ago.

I read somewhere something along the lines of "some parents are so desperate not to push their kids before they're ready that they seem to think they have to keep it a secret from them that they'd like them to be potty trained." That struck a chord with me.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2014 22:30

Corn your right. Dd 7 has ASD, I dident know when she was a toddler. I forced her on the potty, git upset when she couldent understand. We left it for a while, after 3, we tried again, it took 3 weeks but we got there. I felt awful about the way I aporia end potty training with dd that I viewed I woukd follow the childs lead if I had another dc. That is what I am doing. Remember toilet readiness is a milestone like walking and talking, some do it at 18 months, some at 3+ years, there is no right and wrong.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2014 22:31

Meant the way I aporoached potty training

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 31/12/2014 22:36

It must be possible because people do it... But I wish we hadn't tried it. Our dd was very "verbally" ready for it - chatting about it and curious. Lots of pressure from cm and relatives etc to get on with it as she was clearly ready. Ten months later we have a chronically constipated dd who had just about recovered from her terror of the potty/accidents and will (provided stickers are given) at least sit on the loo seat for a minute now.

We won't start it til nearly 3 with the next child.

PickledMoomin · 31/12/2014 22:40

There's no harm in trying.

My DD and DS were dry day and night by 2. I was very lucky!

CornChips · 31/12/2014 22:44

My DS is being assessed for ASD at the mo also, Aeroflot girl. :)

CornChips · 31/12/2014 22:46

No right or wrong, oh yes that is true.It has t be right for you.I do believe that.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 31/12/2014 22:50

I wouldn't saying to the opposite with your next child pas, perhaps just be more 'child led' rather than waiting til a specific age.

OP if they're ready, they're ready.

Patilla · 31/12/2014 22:51

You asked about resources.

I can highly recommend Elmo's potty time DVD. It lasts about 45 mins from memory and is really nice because it doesn't just focus on the actually weeing etc but talks about flushing, using toilet rolls, hand washing etc.

I have lost count of the number if times I had to sing Elmo's "accidents happen" song through gritted teeth and a forced grin to DS, who only ever had an accident over cardboard jigsaw puzzles.

Oh - and maybe move away cardboard puzzles if you are going to try. You can't ever save them!

DeWee · 31/12/2014 22:56

Depends on your dc, he may be ready.

DD1 had an older friend say she was "a baby" at 20 months because she wore nappies. She demanded the nappies came off the next day and almost never had any accidents. I think only one accident after the first week. She had no interest before that day.
Dd2 was older and had a lot more accidents.
Ds, I thought would be difficult, because I was told boys were generally harder and he really showed no interest and wasn't good at staying still. However I tried him at the start of the holidays just after he was 2yo just to see how things went because holidays were the best time to do it, and he trained day and night with almost no accidents in a couple of weeks.

The only one I found difficult, or had to do more input than just occasional reminders was dd2, and she was the oldest too.

bronya · 31/12/2014 22:58

Life is so much better when they're out of nappies - and cheaper! I hope it goes well.

We went for a no pressure approach. I used teddy to show him that you don't fall IN to the potty, then did the naked below the waist thing. Just for a short time at first - half an hour, then an hour, then two hours, then a morning. I figured that under two years old equals a short attention span, and that all day was just asking for trouble at the beginning. It made it less stressful too. We got up in the morning, nappy off, potty training practice. Then nappy back on and the rest of the day was relaxed and easy. Once he'd 'got it' I gradually increased the hours until it was all day, ever day. We have all hard floors though, so accidents were no fuss, and I lifted everything that could be problem if peed on off the floor for 'practice time'!!

CalleighDoodle · 01/01/2015 00:09

Both my dc's were dry during the day at 18 months.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2015 00:27

Oh right corn, hope all goes well, it's certainly helped us so much and understand dd a whole lot more. I don't think ds is, his speech is incredibly slow and were under SALT and going to see paedritrician.

valrhona · 01/01/2015 00:32

Missed that window with dd as we were abroad and living in rented accommodation with wall to wall white carpet Confused. Took FOREVER to train her at 3y+

Ds was trained by day in a weekend at 21 mos and by night about a week later.

TheNewStatesman · 01/01/2015 00:34

OP: Take my advice and go with it now, while the kid is showing some willingness.

Don't be one of those parents who decide to ignore their willing younger-toddler's signals because "But it's too young!" or "It's too much of a hassle to be taking them to the toilet at that each--easier to just leave them in nappies"....

... and then before they know it, they've wound up with a stubborn preschool-aged child who is REFUSING to use the toilet and just holds for hours/days on end if you try to take away the nappies, causing lots of health issues and frustration for everyone concerned. Have seen a lot of cases like this!

As others have said, don't miss the "window."

I personally started putting my daughter on the potty/toilet in a gentle way when she was tiny, so that she was "used to the idea" before she got to that dreaded stage of saying NO!!! to everything you suggest. She was out of nappies outside of the house by her 2nd birthday (and inside the house was out of nappies even before that).

kwerty · 01/01/2015 00:38

Go for it! My DT , boy and girl, trained about 20 months. Modern wisdom says leave till 3, but I think that is daft. Another year of nappies and a child who realises they have the power to with hold! As a pp said, it was rare for a child to start playgroup at 2 1/2 and still be in nappies, no they did not randomly pee all over the place.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2015 00:59

Kwerty it's this outlook that made potty training horrific for my dd when she was 2, why did she not get it? She should get it! The stress it caused, when she turned 3 it was a revelation, she started to show interest and it was so much easier. You have to remember that potty readiness is like any other milestone, some are ready early, some laters I would rather an extra year stress free in nappies, than a year of stress and anxiety and a liar of accidents. When they are ready, be it 18 months or 3+ years, it will be so easy and fall into place for the child.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2015 01:08

Its not waiting until they are 3 to start potty training, its waiting until the child is physically and emotionally ready. That might be at 18 months or 3 years.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/01/2015 01:09

You trust your child's cues, and each child is different.

DustyCropHopper · 01/01/2015 01:28

Ds1 was 19 months when he was completely dry during the day. He chose to do it, we had loads of nappy free time at home, always had. I sat him on the potty from time to time and if I noticed he needed to go I would sit him on it and make a fuss when we had success from about a year old. Then at around 16 months he started to go to the potty himself and use it when I was out of the room etc. I went from there and by 18 months he was dry and in pants, but then we went on holiday for 10 days and he kept wetting himself so we put him back into nappies but he came out of them on our return home and was fine again.

SorchaN · 01/01/2015 01:58

I made no effort whatsoever to potty train my kids - I waited for them to show signs of being ready and let them lead. They were just over three when they decided they were ready, and went straight from nappies to pants. It was completely stress free and completely successful. I guess other parents want to manage the process, but I found it easier this way. Someone gave me a potty when the eldest was a few months old, and we kept it in the bathroom, but I don't think any of them ever used it for its proper purpose. I think it really depends on the child - and probably the parents too.

livingonaprayer1986 · 01/01/2015 04:23

Definitely not too young. My daughter has been dry during the day since 19 months and at night from 24 months. Encourage it I would - potty trained child = less money to spend on nappies.