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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her to Fruck off? sorry this is long.

46 replies

Notmeagain1 · 31/12/2014 00:01

I don't think I am BU but wanted to ask.

Back story as to not drip feed. DH and I have been married 4 yrs together 7. He was in a LTR with his ex for 12 years and raised her son from the time he was 18mo old, he calls him son as I also do. DSS got married in Sept and I took all the wedding photos as a gift to Dss and daughter in-law. Photos turned out wonderful and everyone loved them.

DH's Ex sends me a message last week (we are NOT friends and are only polite because of DSS and Daugter in-law. I love them both very much, btw). telling me she is getting married on 9 Jan and would I take the photos. I ignored the message.

Ex sends me a facebook message today with the details- time location and what time I need to be there. I DO NOT want to be friends with this woman or be involved in her wedding. I think she is taking the piss and just doesnt want to pay to have photos taken.Angry

Would IBU to tell the cow to fuck off and to leave me alone.

My DSs and wife are expecting in May and I will be nana to my dgd (yes its a girl), but should I take a day off and take this womans wedding photos to keep peace?

BTW, dss and wife ARE NOT GOING as they do not like the soon to be husband of his mother.

Well, ladies what do you think? AIBU?

OP posts:
YvesJutteau · 31/12/2014 00:28

There is a huge, vast, cavernous gulf between [taking a day off work to take her wedding pictures] at one end of the spectrum and [completely ignoring the first request and then telling her to fuck off and leave you alone] at the other.

Why have none of these middling options say responding to her first message with "No, I'm booked up for 9 January and can't do it" occurred to you?

Waltermittythesequel · 31/12/2014 00:28

I don't get the vitriol.

Say you're sorry but unavailable.

No need to lend her your camera. No need to "tell the cow to fuck off"Hmm

CSIGingerbread · 31/12/2014 00:28

BTW - the 9th is a Friday. Surely you'll be at work and won't be able to request leave at such short notice?

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2014 00:28

Message her and list your prices. Or if not, say that you do not want to take pictures, sorry.

SparklyTwinkleGlitter · 31/12/2014 00:31

Agree with other posters. Definitely don't lend her your camera.

Just send a polite message declining saying you're unavailable on that date but you hope she has a lovely day...etc.

No need for long winded explanations.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/12/2014 00:33

Defineme's answer is good.

WD41 · 31/12/2014 00:36

How on earth can you go from wanting to tell her to fuck off, to wanting to offer her your camera?!

No need for either. Ignoring would make you look petty; simply tell her you're unavailable and wish her all the best. No need for the angst at all.

Original poster
Notmeagain1 · 31/12/2014 00:37

I declined to take the photo very diplomatically, but offered to take some casual photos this Sat as I am off that day.

If she accepts, I will do that, if she declines, I will not feel bad as I offered all I could do.

Yes, I should have answered the first message and agree I was wrong to not have. Thank you for telling me I didn't handle that properly.

OP posts:
HansieLove · 31/12/2014 00:46

So you did not offer your camera? I sure hope not.

Original poster
Notmeagain1 · 31/12/2014 00:57

Did not offer my camera, just that I would be available to take casual pictures this Saturday so they would have some portraits together. I did scenic picture with the kids and made an album containg wedding and casual pictures.

My peace offering is just casual only. Now I don't feel like the bitch I was starting to feel like.Grin

OP posts:
Yambabe · 31/12/2014 01:11

What Laurie said.

Dancingincircles · 31/12/2014 01:26

I agree that you just say you are busy and can't make that day.

Nothing wrong with not answering her message straight away. You were thinking about a reasonable reply and busy with life.

Do not offer to take any photos on that day because I can assure you it will all go tits up. Just stay away that day.

EstRusMum · 31/12/2014 01:51

Why did you offer her to take photos on Saturday? It's not like you owe her something. You should've just politely answered that you can't and that's it. What if she will decide to take that offer? I mean, you will be taking free photos of a person that is not your friend and her husband, who's also not your friend. I find this move too generous and unnecessary.

PhaedraIsMyName · 31/12/2014 02:35

Am I the only person who can't work out who is who in all of this?

FunkyBoldRibena · 31/12/2014 07:52

Why offer to take casual photos? Very odd.

Eustasiavye · 31/12/2014 09:14

I would just politely decline and leave it at that.

happystory · 31/12/2014 09:21

Well you've offered now so you'll have to do the casual ones. I don't think you needed to do that, given that it wouldn't bother Dh or dss one bit. Just be ready when she next asks you to photographed her sister/neighbour/dog.

Springsintheair · 31/12/2014 09:29

I'd actually go with a natural washing powder. The smelly stuff in washing powder is full of chemicals and allegedly even hormones and I always hated the idea of a strong overpowering smell of clothes on baby or anyone else.

happystory · 31/12/2014 09:35

Yes but it'll play havoc with the camera spring Wink

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 31/12/2014 09:44

Always be polite with ex-partners.

It sounds amicable and civil between you all at the moment so why the need for animosity? That baffles me. There's enough people with problem ex's out there! Everyone involved in this has moved on.

A polite response declining the request is fine and everyone is OK.

Springsintheair · 31/12/2014 13:09

Blush sorry wrong thread Blush.
[exits quickly]

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