to be full of angst over gifts from my aunt?

[lauralouise8]

My aunt has always been very kind and generous with gifts. She holds down two minimum wage jobs as a cleaner so she really works hard for her wages. For context, I earn six figures in the City. I have been trying for years to make her stop because I just feel awful about it. For instance, I stopped cashing her birthday cheques years ago at the risk of causing offence. I have just had my first baby and she has sent a beautiful, expensive gift. I'd hate to encourage another few decades of gifts for birthdays and Christmases - I would prefer she spent her money on herself. Clearly, she is an adult and can spend her money as she sees fit, but I feel awful and guilty at her hard earned cash being spent on us, given how hard she works. Any suggestions?

We have a very similar situation with one of my aunts, who us my mum's sister, except that she is now retired, with only a state pension (only ever earned minimum wage) and DH and I both earn large salaries.

DAunt has a huge immediate family of her own, and goes without to lavish me, DH and our DSs with lots of presents all year round, but especially at Christmas.

We are very grateful and so appreciate her generosity. I have in the past asked my mum to steer her towards smaller gifts (my mum takes her out every week, and think that in some ways DAunt is buying so much for us to show my mum how appreciative she is of this, although she and my mum get on great and are close so it's not like mum is doing her a favour or anything ), but she just buys loads more of them. She just loves to give. It's overwhelming.

As the years have gone by, I have started to give her generous gifts too, as I love to give as well, and I want her to feel as special as she makes us feel. It's the only way, I think. She would spend on us regardless, so I don't feel like I am perpetuating the spending. We go with it now. It's too patronising and hurtful not to.

I think it would be a huge mistake to tell her to stop buying presents. She obviously likes doing it. Just give her a nice gift when it's your turn.

There seems to be a consensus on here to let the aunt get on with it. Would you all advise the same if you knew the aunt was having to put the stuff on credit cards or was taking out payday loans to cover her own expenses? What if you knew she was skimping on heating and food to be able to afford extravagent presents?

Would there be anyway to nicely transfer cash to the aunt's account to cover the cost of the gifts - say to her they are lovely, thoughtful, much appreciated but you can't as well as accepting them, let her be out of pocket to buy them. Or else transfer cash and say it is unrelated to the gifts and you want her to be able to treat herself.

Yes, agree with the poster who said make sure you get to spend plenty of quality time with her and treat her witgout it being obvious. If she works hard she probably likes to think the money is buying something lovely for your dd. You and your dd are lucky to have such a kind person in your lives.

If you have the "six figure salary" then why not give her really expensive luxurious presents back? Or a whacking great Amazon gift voucher of, say £500?