Thank you cards

[Chatelaine123]

AIBU to consider that organising/encouraging children to pen/draw/scribble a thank you note, however tedious that may be, is not only good manners but a necessary part of their social education?

I don't get the kids to write thank you letters, I text people who aren't there on the day.

I hate thank you cards. Pointless waste of time, in my view. I don't think more of people who send them than those who don't. I do, however, send them because I know they matter to the people I send them to, especially older members of family. I recently sent a thank you letter and the recipient called me to say thank you for the thank you letter. I was seeing them the following week anyway! What is the point?!

I was forced to write thank you cards and I hated it.
But now as an adult I really appreciate the ones I do get. I appreciate a text or email just as much though.
I also send thank you cards now to people I don't see.

I was always made to phone, I think. Recently I have taken to taking a photo of me enjoying whatever the gift was (eg DH's niece painted mugs for us and got a photo of us toasting her with a thank you email). But my DH's family is very into handwritten notes. I think it's the thank you that counts really.

I'm always quite surprised that people think that it's ok not to say thank you for something. If nothing else, if it's been sent in the post, the donor will want to know that it has arrived safely. If you see the person, thanking them in person will do.

However, I don't think a long epistle about everything you did for Xmas/your birthday is required (which is what my mum used to make me do). These days it''s so easy to send a text/email/FB message or pick up the phone. I've also bought thank you cards which only have a small space on them so all you can really write is "Dear x, thank you very much for y you sent for my birthday, love Z".

My son's birthday is 5 weeks before Christmas so he often writes a short note in a Christmas card to say thank you for birthday money/presents.

I was brought up to think that a gift wasn't mine until I'd said thank you for it. Most of the time that involved writing a letter or card. I'm now ancient so I don't mind any kind of acknowledgement. I did make my children do it too. They hated it but still do it now they are adults. It's a matter of manners, isn't it?

My mum still checks that I have sent thank you cards.

I'm 39.

call, text, letter or email are all ok, but should be from the child, not their parent. unless the gift was handed over in person and the giver thanked at the time.

TBH my kids don't mind doing thank you letters - they quite enjoy getting crafty.

If you require a thank you card for a gift, you're giving an obligation not a gift and you're always a selfish git to impose obligations on anyone. Just stop giving gifts.

A thank you is polite, the form of it is unimportant.

I only make DS do thank you notes for party presents, for everyone else he says thank you when given it or phones. Now he has his own phone he can learn to text thank your. Much more environmently friendly.

Bambambini - How nicely you express yourself!

Well I'm heartened by the response to this. Lots of things are tedious in life and encouraging children into good habits is time well spent imo, especially as it gives an opportunity for some quiet, reflective time. A thank you note of course will be age appropriate and not a means of torture!

Happy New Year

Learning to write thank you notes (and other bread-and-butter letters) effortlessly, and being drilled from early years about sending them (for presents, parties, visits, significant favours etc) is immensely useful in both private and business life.

It's a skill I want my DC to know about.

You are welcome OP - not that you are being judgmental or anything and fail to acknowledge that for many people Thank You cards are not something that is expected or part of their upbringing or culture. Enjoy going through life expecting your norms and standards from everyone.

Saying thank you is important.

I was always made to write notes as a child but only to people who had sent their gifts. Not necessary if you'd said thank you when opening it in front of them IMO.

I have always made my DC write their notes with an actual pen but that's because they both need the practise. I'd be perfectly happy to receive and email, text or telephone thank you.

Oh and I think if you have the hump only a (busy) week after Christmas because you haven't received one then the problem is with you.

My DC (and I) will be thanking everyone we received gifts from but they won't all get done until the end of next week.

My son writes these he is 15 I have taught him if you don't want to say thank you then don't accept the gift some people in our family have spent a lot on him and others who really should keep the money for themslefs as they have very little have went out and brought so the least he can do is write a samll note which costs him nothing but 5miutes people are delighted

I send a photo card, some people send gifts from far away and I'd like to think they would like to see some photos of the children.
Mine are 5 and 2, however. Not sure what to do when they get older.

I absolutely agree. We always did them as children and I still do. I don't do it for fun, and it was boring as a child, but it's good for children to be bored sometimes*. Or rather, it's good to have to make an effort: when someone has gone out of their way to be kind, you should make a return. This doesn't negate a phone call, or sending an email or a text message necessarily (especially if people are on a budget or have problems with dyslexia etc): all would be good and certainly better than nothing, but certainly a text just doesn't cost as much as writing a letter in terms of time or effort, so to me doesn't convey the same gratitude.

*I know this is going to come back to haunt me! But I do believe it: being bored at playtime makes you more imaginative; being bored in assembly makes you learn to sit still and entertain yourself in your head; being bored writing thank-you letters during the holidays makes you appreciate your free time more when you've finished, and appreciate that you don't get something for nothing, and strengthens your manual muscles, and develops your writing style, and is a kind act intended to communicate the pleasure a gift has given and thank the giver for that pleasure. There's a lot of reverse snobbery in saying it's outdated and halo-polishing. It might be those things too, but it still costs effort and I think it's an important lesson to learn.

I agree thank a thank you in any format is the most important thing. However, I have just finished designing a photo 'thank you' postcard for our relatives (from dd) because they love them. It is quick and easy to do and dd (3) will enjoy writing her name on them and colouring them in.

I am 27 and have just posted a thank you card for the £20 cheque my nan gave me. Although she did give it to me in person and I thanked her at the time, she is 91 and I know she will appreciate the gesture. Everyone else received a text or a phone call.

Thank you letters are also getting more expensive, cost something like 40% more than they did 35 years ago, surely that's not a frugal lesson to teach your children! In relation to the present it's almost certainly even greater as typical toys have declined in prices more that inflation too.