to leave my job as I have screwed up big time or stay and put it right?

[Elephant14]

Yet another name change as the disasters in my life are coming thick and fast. In October, desperate for money, I took a salaried job which was meant to be 2 days a week, quite a long drive away (25+ miles each way). Ended up doing 4 hours in the office 2 days a week, meaning I still had to do a full day at home, plus all the driving. I didn't have 3 days of time to "sell" if you see what I mean as I have 2 other part time jobs as well.

I enjoyed being in the office, most people were very nice, but the journey is terrible, I haven't worked in an office for 10 years so found time management difficult, and I began to make a mess of things - the job is sort of sales related, they rely on me for income. I have earned them nothing in 3 months which is unheard of in my industry. I am very experienced in my field and I had glowing references (have never fucked up before) so my new employers never queried or asked how things were going, I suppose they kept thinking there would be some income soon, next week, maybe next week and so on. I was sometimes falling asleep at my desk (and sometimes nearly at the wheel), trying to juggle 3 jobs children sick dog that needed care during the night, H refusing to pull weight, taking kids to and from school, activities at weekends - basically what everyone else has to cope with daily. But I didn't cope and I failed to do my job during the 2 days that I was in the office.

My probation period is now up and no one has said a word. I think I need to come clean. Its a small company, recruitment is expensive and time consuming for them, plus if I leave and they have to train someone it will be another 3+ months wasted for them. I feel I have let them down big time. So, should I hang on, offer to try to sort things out (if they will accept that offer), or should I leave with my statutory 1 weeks notice. Long term I can't stay, the journey is untenable, I like the people I sit with but not the company itself. Short term, am I making things worse by hanging on to "help", bearing in mind the losses I will have already caused?

BTW so as not to drip feed, I did post about this on another thread asking if I should leave this job, everyone said yes but obviously not before christmas! Now I still want to leave but my specific question is should I stay and try to help out for a while first?

Leave, let someone else do the job that wants it and can do it.

Are you sure someone else will necessarily do it better? I've never worked in Sales, but were there particular reasons why you hit a slow patch?

Be open with them and discuss your potential honestly. Can you do the job? If so is it best for the firm for you to stay?
You seem to be an honest person so be honest with your employer.

Probation period is for you too isn't it. I'd say you're really sorry but it isn't working and leave.

i would go on the basis that you are costing them money and its clearly making you miserable

Probation periods are for your benefit too, not just the employer. You've tried it, given it a best shot but it's not the job for you.

Dust yourself down and move on, certainly don't feel guilt or the need to give them a list of your perceived failings. Some things work out, others don't. No harm done.

25 miles isn't that bad surely? Unless it's winding back roads or one side of London to the other.

I agree 25 miles is nothing.

Can you be more precise about what's going wrong. You say time management - are you unfocused in the office? Faffing and chatting.

I can see your point and it sounds like you're struggling but surely if your employers thought you were that terrible they'd have said something?

Thanks everyone for comments so far. I should have said the time it takes rather than the distance, it is a very busy route, so it takes at least an hour each way, sometimes more, on a bad day hour and a half, two and a half hours etc, you can never tell. I suppose my point is once I am there I only work 4 hours.

Faffing - yes there is lots of that, its the nature of the job, that's where my time management has let me down. I don't know why they haven't said anything but I suspect (a) they trust me and still do and (b) they don't want to face up to having to tell me its not on. I can imagine how they feel too.

It just sounds to me as if you are trying to do far too much. A number of factors have worked against you. The long commute and so on. If you think you can turn things around and make a success of it then by all means stay on but if not then certainly think about resigning.

Is there another way for you to travel? 25 miles shouldn't take that long. Maybe everyone's sales are down over Christmas and so it's nits unexpected? I'm pretty sure your employers would have noticed if your work wasn't up to their standards - I've never known employers to keep people on because they worry about terminating contract - especially ones who have a probation period.

Do what you want to do because of your circumstances. Let your employers make their decision.

Part of me thinks subconsciously though it's more your worried they will get rid of you after probation period because of lack of sales and your almost predicting a jump before your pushed tactic and finding reasons to leave?

honestly sometimes it really isnt the distance. i changed jobs to work in a different nearby town. my old job was 17 miles and took 20 mins, 30 on a bad day. The new job never took less than 45 mins and could take anything up to an hour- it was 17 miles as well. it drove me demented.

I would leave. That kind of commute is awful. My last job had a 17 mile commute that took 25 minutes and was much more bearable.

Can you make the commute work for you? I used to commute for 45 minutes each way. Well it was 45 minutes each way on the train and more at each end of the journey. Those 45 minutes were great, I could read a book, listen to the radio, listen to music, it was my time. 90 minutes every day for me to enjoy.
Can you commute by public transport? Relax and let the driver take th strain.

Why do you only work 4 hours? I don't understand?! Surely even if you were paid for travel time it would be 9-10 travel, 10-4 work, travel 4-5,so 6 hrs work?
If you did this job 'properly' can you quit the other pt roles?

From the information that has been posted by everyone i can see the newer posts are mainly looking at adjustments that can be made with the current employer remaining in situ. It is a real upheaval to switch jobs when you have got use to a routine, even though it is exhauting, is there any way you can adjust the timings with the other jobs? Also from personal experience it does take time to settle into an office environment after being away from it for some years, to back down now would send a message to other employers that office work is not for you. Give it a go for a month or so if you can i would say

I am not so sure this specific job is the crux of your problems - your DH's refusal to pull his weight would be the first thing I would tackle.

If he did his share, you may not be so stressed and be able to manage your job better.

Just a thought.

I don't know any job where faffing is the nature of the role! Why are you faffing? You need to stop though whatever the reason is. A commute that long is a killer. 25 miles is nothing but 1.5 hours+ is. I'd find something else.

Thanks everyone. DH is a whole other bag of misery, let's not go there!

Faffing - being social, discussing ideas, talking to service users on site, working with a colleague on a social media project which wasn't in job description initially, finding stationery, trying to work the photocopier, making tea, answering the door, that sort of faffing. When I work from home (which is what I've done for 10+ years) none of that happens, which is a bit lonely but much more effective.

I have to drive, there is no other way, getting a train would mean taking two or three trains and it would take nearly 2 hours! I only work 4 hours as I have to get back to pick children up from school and am often late for them as it is.

I think Natalie and others ahve good ideas about making adjustments; I think that's the way forward, I will be sitting down with employers next week and saying (a) how is it for you and then (b) if they still really want me to stay, its not going to work long term for me like this, so can we re-negotiate and try it for another set period of time, but with firm review dates so every week or so we ask ourselves what progress has been made - no drifting (and gaffing!) I think if the tables were turned and I had an employee like me who I'd spent a lot of time recruiting, I'd want to give it another month or 6 weeks.

I probably knew all this but its been really helpful to discuss with Mumsnetters as ever - thank you.

faffing! No faffing! Not gaffing. Although none of that either.

Could you do one of your two days from home? Would you be effective?

I do some of my hours from home accomplishing tasks I garner in my meeting filled office hours.
If not then it really does sound like it isn't working for either party and it might be best to part ways amenably.

I agree that a meeting with your boss and ask to extend probation period would be an initial idea to try to sort but if commute is not working then that parts not going to get any better. I've had a 25mile commute which could take anywhere between 40mins and 2hrs each way and it just depressed me so much I couldn't carry on with the job no matter how much I loved it so I feel your pain there!

How are you only in the office for 4 hours a day when you're meant to be in for a full working day? (Has your line manager approved it?)

25 miles is nothing in terms of average commute, it's certainly not "awful" in the grand scheme of things... it's only "awful" if you have an especially complex commute logistically, have been unrealistically lucky with work commutes in the past, have fragmented transport or something. It definitely isn't unusual in terms of distance. I've no idea how people are suggesting it is, they must have been somewhat cloistered in their experience to date.

However, it sounds like your biggest problems, OP are:

1. Your DH and him not pulling his weight - this will affect future jobs too, not just the one you're in, so needs to be tackled - maybe you would get more specific help posting in Relationships? There are some very pragmatic but experienced posters who might be able to help, plus lots of excellent old archived threads that might give you some support if you're not read to post yet

2. Your ability to prioritise tasks etc. Making tea? Opening the door? Figuring out how to work a photocopier? OK you'll encounter stuff like that last one, fine, but it's an initial learning curve. But the first two, not really a priority... have you considered looking at some time management advice online? It sounds a bit self-helpy, which puts people off, but time management skills (especially if you work part time) are critical in today's modern office environment, it's not neccesarily your failing if you've not got on top of this immediately.. it can take some time to figure out what's truly important and urgent in new roles... you may find as time passes that you look back and realise you're much more up to it than you'd thought... can you get to the six month mark and see how it is then?