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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if you are an awkward hugger?

41 replies

BritFlop · 30/12/2014 04:49

I was brought up in a loving but not very tactile family. I find it a bit odd how "huggy" people are. When DP friends (male and female) visit they all go in for a hug. Now it's messed with my etiquette radar and I hug all friends when we say hi and bye. I'm sure it comes across really awkward cos I'm not a natural hugger. I got carried away recently and went to hug my dad - he was obviously uncomfortable, now that I'm aware of it I realise he only gives hugs on birthdays etc!

I think I'm going to persist with hugging until it becomes more natural, don't want my son being uptight like me.

So is hugging standard behaviour nowadays?

OP posts:

LarrytheCucumber · 30/12/2014 08:39

Church is a nightmare as some people hug everyone and I just freeze. I need to have some kind of relationship with a person before I hug them. People who want to hug me just because I have walked in the door, even though they have barely ever had a conversation with me, are invading my personal space.
I have 'shared' that I find hugging difficult so I am hugged less often, but it is still a minefield.

CharlesRyder · 30/12/2014 08:49

Ughh hugging! DHs family hug and kiss on hello and goodbye and I find it so painful. I think they KNOW I hate it but when they are doing the rounds they can't leave me out so they just do me as quickly as possible.

My new boss hugged me just before we broke up for the holidays. She actually got up from her desk to do it which gave me ages to contemplate the horror- one of those slow motion moments. I'm glad she wanted to because I have been trying really hard to impress her but I wish she could just have said 'that'll do, Ryder'.

I love to hug DS though. I seem to be constantly wrapped round him!

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup · 30/12/2014 08:51

I don't do hugs at all apart from daughter and OH. I freeze. Its doesn't seem natural to me at all and I would rather shake hands, if necessary.

Waving would be preferable!

PetulaGordino · 30/12/2014 08:53

Yes I won't initiate a hug, except with dp. Too much personal space invasion

Neverbuyheliumbalonz · 30/12/2014 09:00

Oh god, I'm such an awkward hugger, my family are not huggy either. But bloody everyone around me is a massive hugger, so I end up having to join in.

The worst is when I go to kiss someone hello/goodbye on the cheek (usually someone like one of DHs mates) and then after the kiss either them or I then also go in for a hug, but the other person wasn't going to go for full hug, so they then pull away, leaving the hugger sort of hanging and then its SO awkward, and there is sometimes a belated hug, sometimes its just...argh!

Please tell me this happens to other people!

MissMogwi · 30/12/2014 09:02

I hate the work hugs. To be fair it's only at Christmas but it's hideous.

As a PP said it's the build up to the hug. I finished the day before most of the office so I knew I'd be doing solo hugs. Ugh.

This year I just thought fuck this for a game of laughs, I'm not doing it. I luckily dodged my boss as he was in a meeting, so I simply wished them all a merry Christmas, said I'm not doing hugs as I don't like it and that was that. In good humour, by the way, I didn't look like this !

GnomeDePlume · 30/12/2014 09:12

Yuck, all that hugging! I can actually feel my shoulders clenching now.

What is wrong with these people! It is so awkward. I hate all that invading of personal space. It is just the same as those people who touch on the shoulder etc. Stop it!

Unfortunately I suspect there is a mixed message thing a bit like cats who are attracted to people who dont like cats. People always seem to misinterpret my 'dont touch me' signals as 'I want to be touched'.

Mrsstarlord · 30/12/2014 09:22

I think I need glasses - I read that as 'don't touch me' genitals

MummyPig24 · 30/12/2014 09:26

I generally don't hug. I hug my children, husband and dad. I hug my best friend when I see her which can be as a little as twice a year.

My parents were very tactile and loving, but their families are not demonstrative at all and especially my dads side of the family. Although my dad is very affectionate.

PurpleSwift · 30/12/2014 09:32

I don't think not being a hugger makes you "uptight". Plenty of people just like keeping their own space their own.

I'm happy to hug family.

Neverbuyheliumbalonz · 30/12/2014 09:53

Argh, and one of my best friends is really friendly and a real hugger. Which means than when we walk into any social situation together, even if I know the people much better than she does, she will always kiss and hug, so then I am obliged to.......

LindyHemming · 30/12/2014 10:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scrappydappydoo · 30/12/2014 10:08

Don't mind hugs although feel more awkward hugging men than women. Hate kisses though.

MarjorieMelon · 30/12/2014 10:13

I'm very tactile with my children, hugging and kissing them comes naturally to me but I hate it when other people hug and kiss me. It feels so unnatural and false and I really wish people wouldn't involve me in it.

BeyondTheTreelights · 30/12/2014 10:14

Nope, not a hugger at all. Bleh.

Hoppinggreen · 30/12/2014 10:19

I only hug people I really like and know well, other than that I hang back so they don't get the chance.
I am a freelancer and have recently taken on 2 new clients who do the air kiss thingy - I bloody hate it! They started doing it the 2nd time I met them when I went to shake hands, but they are really lovely and will be paying me lots so I will have to pucker up and say " mwah" in their ears back.

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