I've been wondering where to turn with my problem lately as it's taking over my world and I feel like I've no one to talk to. I arrived here.
I've been with my husband for 7 years and we have 4 children - two of our own and two from a previous relationship. We have always been so much in love , so much so that I've always felt very blessed to have found my husband. He has few faults aside from smoking and drinking abit too much. I must stress that he works very hard and finds it hard to unwind some days.
My problems lie with my husbands family ... They seemed at first very keen to be friends and keen to see us often - my husband is always reluctant - and for the kids to do activities together. My DH has 2 sisters with 2 children a piece.
My DH works for his father and because of this their relationship isn't good. Nothing my husband ever does is good enough for his father yet his sisters generally do nothing but take from him and he worships them. My father in law is manipulative and uses his wealth to control people. This doesn't work with us as we don't like to accept anything from him but with everyone else in the family he has complete control ... His girlfriend is an alcoholic who is totally controlled by him , she drinks and he publicly shames her to the entire family and then can't even let her be independent enough to have a job or even attend AA alone. He controls her every move. My husband argues often with his father and his father has said some horrendous things to him about his dead grandfather which reduced my husband to floods of tears. I hate him. He treats his daughters boyfriend like his true son and even calls him 'son' in front of my husband. He has employed this individual in his business and even though he isn't qualified to do the job and creates my husband continual problems at work the whole family continue to treat him like he is amazing. He is actually a sponge who has been fired from every job he's ever had prior to being in the family business. My other brother in law has left the family because he also struggles with this controlling narcissistic father. My husbands sisters are totally controlled by the father and have been bought houses and cars and pretty much whatever their hearts desire.
We have recently bought a property belonging to my FIL and have a substantial mortgage - the way it should be , we pay for ourselves in this world - but I now feel like we are part of this awful control game and I hate myself. I have an amazing husband who always puts me first but I feel like whenever I look at him I see them and it pains me. I hate everything they stand for. They lie and manipulate people and always seem to come up smelling of roses ... My upbringing was so different to this and I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore because I feel like I'm selling my soul to them and all I want is for me and my husband to be independent from them.
I don't want to make my husband quit the family business but it angers me everything they make unrealistic orders of him and he goes running (he takes his job very seriously and cares greatly about how it all runs). I know our lives could be great if we broke free of these people , not by cutting them off totally but by just not answering to any of them. My husband pretty much holds the day to day running of the business together and I know they would struggle without him but he feels a loyalty to them and his large paycheck helps us to afford our large property. I hate all of it. I'd live in a flat if it meant being unattached from them.
What is my next move ? I love my DH with all my heart but I know being with him means accepting all of them and it feels me with anxiety and general depression. I feel like this whole situation is a spiral into a bad place where I could end up with no option other than to break free on my own which I couldn't bare.
Any advice would be gladly received. I feel generally without hope right now.