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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder whether the authorities turn a 'blind eye' to in married couples in Dubai?

52 replies

LoafersOrLouboutins · 29/12/2014 14:54

I promise I'm not being judgy- currently PG and unmarried, but last night I went to a dinner party hosted by a friend, most people there were with their DP/DH except for a friend of a friend who was alone. She said her boyfriend was in Dubai (where he is from) and she was going to see him next week. She was happy to talk about her relationship and said that she often goes to see him and will either stay at his house or try stay in hotels together. I've only been to Dubai as a completely single or married woman (now divorced) so don't have any experience of 'in a couple but not married' in Dubai. I've always though this was strictly illegal and you could face imprisonment? Am I wrong? Is a blind eye turned or is friend of a friend just very lucky? Her boyfriend's an Emirati national of that has any relevance. I'm probably being hideously nosy but I'm genuinely curious as she seems to be in Dubai once a month with him and has never had any problems.

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Original poster
LoafersOrLouboutins · 29/12/2014 18:12

HolyTerror that reminds me, apparently her ex-boyfriend was an Abu Dhabi local and she used to do the same with him!

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Original poster
LoafersOrLouboutins · 29/12/2014 18:15

By the same thing I mean stay at his house or a hotel

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Theenduringmoment · 29/12/2014 18:22

I've always been baffled by this situation too. AFAIK the police don't go looking for fornicators, but the problem is that if someone has a grudge against either party, all they have to do is make one phone call to land you in a world of trouble.

XiCi · 29/12/2014 18:24

Loafers, is it possible that your friend is getting paid for these little excursions to Abu Dhabi and Dubai?

Tattiebogle · 29/12/2014 18:41

There is no need for the woman to be paid for her excursions - there's plenty of available people there already.

And re him being an Emirati local, what with the talk of his house Im beginning to think he isn't a bona fide genuine local. None of it is fitting together the way it should.

Original poster
LoafersOrLouboutins · 29/12/2014 18:47

I doubt she's being paid for it- I know the trips are paid for but I don't think she is paid IYSWIM. She had a lot of photos of herself and this same guy. She was with the Abu Dhabi guy for 3 years. It's all quite odd IMO but then she would probably rather die than have my boring life Grin. I imagine being pregnant and unmarried in Dubai would be very scary (which a lot of celebs seem to do). If I were her I'd live in fear of him calling the police after every minor disagreement. How do people even relax enough to shag?!

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Fannydabbydozey · 29/12/2014 18:50

Well it WAS a tiny fishing port not all that long ago...

She sounds like she knows what she is doing if this is the second Emirati she's dated, which makes all the drama bizarre. He's not her boyfriend, she's his bit on the side. Probably not the only one.

She won't be staying at his house either I bet. Plenty of very swanky serviced apartments in Dubai to rent on a short term basis...

What's she getting out of these relationships?

Original poster
LoafersOrLouboutins · 29/12/2014 18:51

Tattie I thought it all seemed rather odd but she wasn't interesting conversation at an otherwise bland dinner party! Apparently his parents have a larger house on the same site WTF. She did seem very lonely and gave me her number, I might text her because I'm so nosey interested in the whole set up.

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Tattiebogle · 29/12/2014 19:05

Loafers, anyone who knows the Emirates would be able to tell in an instant just how far his family goes back in the Emirates if they knew his tribal name.

And re the house in the grounds of the family home - it could very well be but I doubt its as straight forward as she thinks. There is more to this than meets the eye, seriously.

Fannydabbydozey · 29/12/2014 19:05

Tattie he could be Iranian - many have been there for over fifty years trading. He could even genuinely say he was born there. He won't be Emirati of course but she wouldn't know that.

I cannot see an Emirati family allowing their son to openly entertain his western mistress on the family compound!

She's not thinking of getting pregnant is she? It really, REALLY won't have the fairy tale ending she may be hoping for.

Tattiebogle · 29/12/2014 19:09

Fanny, we cross posted.

There is a story to tell with this bloke, that much is for sure.

HolyTerror · 29/12/2014 19:22

Yes to what Tatties and Fanny just said. I was thinking assimilated Iranian too, because I can't imagine an Emirati family tolerating the visits of their possibly married son's foreign mistress in the family compound. And in fact we rented a flat in the Marina which had been previously used as a shagpad by a wealthy Iranian. (It was semi-furnished, and featured an enormous black-sheeted leather bed, but none of the pots and pans/cutlery had ever been taken out of their boxes, and the kitchen had obviously never been used...)

As regards what is in it for her - if she's a not-too-bright drama llama, she may be overcome by the exotic drama of it all, especially if he is Emirati, or she believes it is. There's the whole thrill of the forbidden, and apparently unlimited wealth...

Original poster
LoafersOrLouboutins · 29/12/2014 19:46

Hmm I assume she would know his surname but I feel it's quite rude to ask her? I don't think she has any plans to get PG- inbetween talking about her love life (which dominated 90% of the conversation) we talked about my pregnancy and she didn't mention any plans of her own. Apparently she met the current Dubai guy in a bar when he was holidaying in the UK and the Abu Dhabi guy in a nightclub in the UK too. It's just ... Odd. Most people (or that I know of, anyway) have a quick fling whilst that person is in the country at the very most, not go gallivanting to their country on a monthly basis for years afterwards! I imagine the drama llama in her loves it all. Are Iranians in the emirates more relaxed than the locals? If I wasn't pregnant and a mum to my DDs and completely feckless I'd be tempted to accompany her on her next trip just to witness it all! She must see this way of life as appealing as she's been doing it for years! The rest of the table talked about what thy had bought their DM for Christmas and who was going away for the new year, Ms Dubai brightened up my night. If this guy is married then i feel very sorry for his poor wife and this must be her home too? Unless there are numerous homes on te compound?

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XiCi · 29/12/2014 20:18

Mmm, the more you disclose about her the more it sounds like she works as an Escort tbh

Original poster
LoafersOrLouboutins · 29/12/2014 20:37

Do escorts only see 2 guys in 5 years? She has a full time job (not a hugely responsible one but she works full time). It's all very bizarre, but I suppose that is what attracts a drama llama to these situations.

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YoungGirlGrowingOld · 29/12/2014 20:47

I have an Iranian husband and spent many years in the Emirates. Agree with Tattie, Fanny and Holy. No way is he Emirati. There is way more to this little tale than meets the eye.

I doubt she is an escort because the place is already overrun with them ie he wouldn't need to get one from the UK!

Tryharder · 29/12/2014 21:08

Poor woman. You all seem to know everything about her after a few lines of writing on an Internet forum.
Maybe he's married, maybe not. Perhaps he really likes her? Why do we have to assume that she's been treated badly or - FFS - a prostitute.

I've met many perfectly nice men and women from the Middle East. Not all are users or bastards.

EachandEveryone · 29/12/2014 22:16

I think it's none of our business. I wouldn't get carried away with the lifestyle of someone I had just met. I wouldn't worry about her either. Anyone who's ever lived there knows that there's no wedding on the horizon. She's having fun. It's not to my taste but if she's got no responsibilities then fair play to her,

HolyTerror · 30/12/2014 13:06

Tryharder, you're missing the point. No one has suggested the ME is populated entirely by 'users and bastards'. But to people with any familiarity with the UAE and Emirati society, whether this man 'really likes' her isn't the issue - there is only a vanishingly tiny possibility that an Emirati of that age hasn't been married for some time to a suitable cousin. (The details as the OP understands them don't quite add up, so he may not in fact be Emirati.)

If the woman involved knows and is happy with being a flown-in mistress, there's no issue (for her, at least), but if she's intermittently bedbound with heartbreak about it, there is the possibility that she's terribly naive and expects a fairy tale proposal.

I tend to the first view, as she's previously had a boyfriend who identified as an Abu Dhabi 'local', so she presumably knows the score.

Nothavingfunrightnow · 30/12/2014 13:22

I cannot understand why the fuck anyone would want to go to such a place that treats people so badly.

Living · 30/12/2014 13:39

I know a Qatari whose family were happy for him to entertain his foreign girlfriend on the family compound (although I'd guess the actual sleeping together happened at hers) and attend their desert camp with them. He was the youngest son though and he definitely wasn't married (was also in his 20s). She was also invited to sleep in the men's tent rather than on her own in the women's one (which I was quite shocked that she seemed to take as a good thing rather than massively disrespectful to her!). She'd met his mother and everything.

It's not completely impossible that he's Emirati surely?

Agree it would be very unlikely that this isn't an affair though. If she is accepted on the family compound makes it less likely though - maybe it's just seen as a fling and overlooked?

Original poster
LoafersOrLouboutins · 31/12/2014 20:30

It definitely doesn't quite add up- she must be expecting something out of it to be bed ridden with heartbreak and, having looked at her FB, it seems she really is heartbroken quite often! I'm seeing her tomorrow so I may find out more then, but it's quite sad if he has lied. She's going to Dubai next week so hopefully there won't be any trouble. I had no idea the local emirati population was so small.

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HolyTerror · 31/12/2014 20:57

The smallness of the Emirati population is their main issue, I think - they're in the odd position of being hugely outnumbered by expats (and exploited semi-slave labour) whose skills they need, but whom they have no real contact with at all, and whose values they try to keep their own distinct from. It's a culture in real crisis, I think - they were nomadic tribes until very recently, and then oil wealth meant everything modernised so fast, and now most Emiratis don't really need to even work - the government pays for/heavily subsidises virtually everything, so the younger ones often don't know what to do with themselves.

There is an 'Emiratisation' programme - to replace expats in key professions with fully-trained Emiratis - but it never seemed very successful when I lived there. And there's a huge obesity problem, and a diabetes explosion.

Thecatzmuther · 01/01/2015 05:12

Culture in crisis my backside.

And you must have lived there a long time ago.

EachandEveryone · 01/01/2015 08:36

It's not sad if he's lied. She sounds experienced in the culture and is reaping the benefits in free holidays.