To ask for either sympathy or a kick, whichever seems right to you?

[DrSeuss]

Just ended up in tears on discovering that cousin had a night away in a posh hotel with DH for anniversary. Left baby with her parents. She leaves him with them one day and night a week. I have no parents, in laws are three hundred miles away and are a PITA any way. No other family around. We had one night away when DS was 2. He is now 8 and DD is 3. We had to leave as late as possible and return immediately after breakfast as DH's aunt was babysitting and that was all we got. I am exhausted with children, work and house. I never get a break, never mind a night away! No family to help, aunt won't take DD as not fully potty trained.

Just fed up and longing for some freedom! Even for a night!

Why would it cost you that much extra to use your usual childminding arrangements whilst using a day's leave from work to do something just for you? You could simply take a duvet day if you want to.

YABU, when you choose to become a parent you know it entails care of said child until at least 18. It hardly comes as a surprise. Save a book a sitter every now and again if you want a night out without the children.

I wouldn't personally envy your cousin, I'd feel sorry for the child who is sent away for a night every week unless it's by the child's choice.

Yabu you knew fully well your situation before you decided to have children. Regardless, you shouldn't need to rely on anyone to give you a break from your kids. It's really not healthy to be comparing yourself to your cousin whose situation is different to yours.

get a babysitter?

Op...you have my complete sympathy. My dc have no grandparents. I am very bitter when I hear of parents leaving their kids to go on holiday, or see gps taking their gc to the park or doing the school run. I have nights out regularly though as I pay babysitters. I haven't had a single night away from my dc in 7 years!

Oh come on, everyone looks at other people sometimes and thinks "I would love to have that." It's normal, not unhealthy unless it becomes an obsession.

I do sometimes take a day off work while DC are in school and nursery, and go to the shops or garden centre by myself. It keeps me sane. But a night away with DP is something I never get. He travels for work, so gets lots of nights in hotels and I've had that once or twice - though on a work trip you have to get up and do stuff, so hardly a holiday. The only time we've been away together was when our DS stayed at a friend's so we could go to hospital to have DD!

Oh and people saying get a babysitter, it's not that easy. A babysitter will sit with your child for an evening, not a whole night or a weekend.

No kicking here, dps parents are no longer with us and my mother is a viscous narc with added health problems that means even in her "good" times she couldn't responsibly watch two small children or even travel the 50 or so miles between us to sit in after they've gone to bed.
Means dp and I haven't been out together since I was pregnant with our eldest (raging morning sickness killed social life pretty much straight away)
Dp is lovely though and does do loads of house stuff and will happily stay in while I go out every few weeks for a quick drink with friends but it does mean we have no time off together, I also understand your point about it being so expensive once you have to hire proper sitters all evening....is there any friends locally you could do a child swap with? You watch their kids one night a month and then they watch yours the month after?

I think the thing you are missing is that your time with the kids is limited, i know it feels like forever at the moment, but before you know it they wont need the same level of supervision they do at the morment.

Yes other people have easier/better lives, but you are only seeing the bits they let you see and you dont see their own personal struggles (justitfied or otherwise)

If you can afford to go and stay in a hotel, then you can afford to get a babysitter or arrange a sleepover (like suggested above) or just wait a bit longer until DD is potty trained

Well I sympathise, but it won't do you any good to feel sorry for yourself.
Your dh needs the kick by the sound of it.

I know where you are coming from, OP.

Is your husband generally a bit crap? Sympathies. But maybe you can work on that issue?

Do you visit your ils? If you do, could you and dh go out for a bit and leave the kids?

I agree that your dh needs a kick. You should go out and do something by yourself and with friends. Everyone needs time out.

I sympathise OP. My DH and I haven't had a night out without the children for 12 years - age of DD1! We lived life to the full before having children so don't really crave nights out but I would love help now and again if I'm ill / children ill etc. MY DHs parents are dead and his remaining family are abroad whilst I have no contact with my family.

I am a SAHM and my husband is self-employed so can't afford to be off. If I'm ill I still have to do school run etc., if one if the children are ill they just have to come on school run with us - it does get me down sometimes but hey ho that's life and not much I can do about it. I have 5DCs so can't really expect someone to look after them all!! Thankfully, the good days outweigh the bad and I am lucky they are all healthy and happy

I sympathise too. It's all very well saying that the OP knew what she was letting herself in for when she had children, but sometimes a little break recharges your batteries sufficiently to really appreciate your lot. Tiredness and the drudge of the same thing happening daily can be a bit numbing.

It's not the same OP, but get yourself and the rest of the family wrapped up and go and have some fun outside. What part of Yorkshire are you in?

Op i dont know what your budget is like but could you put away £10 each week and plan to go out maybe once every 3/4 months? Doesn't have to be anything expensive. You would have about £130 each time. So £30 for babysitter, and then £100 for a meal and cinema or theatre or something else, whatever interests you.

Maybe your budget is genuinely too tight to afford this but is it really not possible for you to use paid childcare to get some time to yourself and/or to yourselves as a couple?

You mention work, presumably you have some childcare set up for that - can you and your DH take a day off and do something nice? It doesn't have to be something expensive, you could visit a free museum, go for a nice long walk.

Babysitters in the evening are expensive but can you budget for it and save up? As someone says up thread, even saving just small amounts per week could give you a nice evening out plus babysitter - if you use offers/groupons, etc, it doesn't have to cost a ridiculous amount.

No, it's not a proper night away in a posh hotel, but it would be better than nothing.

I get where you're coming from. A night to be more than just mum, a night of someone saying 'you deserve a break with someone who thinks the world of you'.

I never got it either