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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wish we never got these gifts...

43 replies

speedbird17 · 29/12/2014 11:04

I think probably IABU but every year we go to my IL's on Boxing Day or the day after and every single gift reeks of smoke and I have to air it out/wash it/clean it before DD can wear or play with it. This year MIL stored all the gifts in her bedroom until the day, she smokes in her bedroom and I felt physically sick at how much some of them smelt. All our clothes come straight off after we visit and into the wash, but it's just not fair on DD, DH or me (currently 20wks pg) to have to receive gifts that stink!

It's an ongoing issue as they 'kindly' stopped smoking in the living room when I was pg with DD, now 2.6, but I honestly don't think they understand that their whole house reeks and however many glade plug-ins you use it's vile.

I know I am being precious about this, but DH agrees with me but won't say anything more as 'it's their house and I don't want to upset them' which while I sympathise, it just means we aren't going to go round as it is just unacceptable to me.

There was a further issue whilst we were there on Saturday which I was made to feel bad about and just made my blood boil. BIL's bedroom is next to the living room with double glass doors through. He grows and smokes cannabis which I am vocally against especially with DD etc. half way through a film we all smelt it being smoked so I had to uproot DD and say 'got to go in other room now, we'll watch this later' obviously cue crying and everyone saying oh let her be... Sorry but I am not letting my 2yo sit in a room that stinks of drugs.

Aibu about this whole thing? Currently thinking of saying to them 'we're not coming round whilst there are drugs being smoked anywhere near the house, you can come round to ours but DD and I won't be coming over if that is going to happen'. Guess I just need someone to tell me I'm not being irrational and am totally ok to say this...

(Sorry it's so long!!!)

OP posts:

AlpacaStockingOnChristmasEve · 29/12/2014 13:14

Hah, speed bird, you could be my SIL! Apart from the drugs bit...

All my and DHs gifts stank of smoke, not too bad with the pyjamas we were given because we can wash them but I'm not sure I fancy the big bag of leftover food we were given
Even the wrapping paper smelled of smoke, I could smell it as I was scrunching it up to fit it in the bin bag.

Original poster

speedbird17 · 29/12/2014 13:33

Normally I keep gift bags, hampers etc but I'm going to have to chuck it all as it stinks! Our clothes from the day have had to be washed twice and all new clothes have been out in the line pre-wash as I can't bear having them in the house just don't think they realise how vile they all smell!

OP posts:

HansieLove · 29/12/2014 14:54

My DH smokes. It's vile. When our twin GC were babies, he washed his hands before holding them and changed his shirt. He would not want to harm the babies.

You say the GP go to the end of the garden to smoke? But they will still have smoke laden clothes. I do not think that is good enough for your baby.

CassieBearRawr · 29/12/2014 15:01

I wouldn't be taking the kids where there are drugs. I have family members whose lives have been destroyed by drugs, and I've seen children grow up in environments where drugs are considered acceptable. They're not.

Custardcream14 · 29/12/2014 15:03

Yanbu, stop going.

TheReluctantCountess · 29/12/2014 15:06

Stop going.

Chillyegg · 29/12/2014 15:21

I'd definitely not be going with drugs in the house. I've just had a quick google of cannabis and it's classification etc
Read this m.talktofrank.com/drug/cannabis?detail=law and show to your DH it's actually dangerous to children and baby's. It's also obviously harmful to adults however it's your bil choice. I after having two very close freinds die from drug use ( one being spiked with heroin) and my DF who died after a life time of substance abuse can only encourage you to stay away. I don't want to be a horrible scare monger but I'd get you DH to speak to his parents about the illegal activity on their house and the health implications!

Original poster

speedbird17 · 29/12/2014 16:07

They won't come if they're not allowed to smoke in the garden - and tbh their clothes are already so smoke laden it is grim. I had real issues when DD was born as they wouldn't even wash their hands before holding her!

DH is aware how bad it is, and unfortunately IL's are so uncaring of how illegal it is etc they say it is BIL's choice but they don't seem to cotton on that it is their house...

Pfft. Fecking eejits, just wish they didn't do any of it so I didn't have these problems!!

OP posts:

KoalaDownUnder · 29/12/2014 16:17

You are SO not being unreasonable!

That's disgusting and there's no way I'd take my (hypothetical) children to hang out in the middle of it.

crackerjack00 · 29/12/2014 16:25

Why are you still letting your child go somewhere where drugs are being grown?!
As soon as I learned this I would never let her in that house again, and probably would have reported to the police
YABU for putting your child knowingly in that environment!!

Report to the police? Of course you would.

As previously suggested... Just stop going.

Original poster

speedbird17 · 29/12/2014 16:34

Reporting to police has crossed my mind but I wouldn't want to be responsible for BIL getting into that much trouble, couldn't deal with the guilt...

OP posts:

Rafflesway · 29/12/2014 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OriginalGreenGiant · 29/12/2014 16:48

Our clothes from the day have had to be washed twice

For the most part yanbu. But I can't help feeling you're probably a little ott. Smoke stinks, yes, and I've also washed all clothes/coats after visiting my mums as they reek, even though they don't smoke inside when we're there.

But the smell won't last through a wash - if you've had to wash twice then you've either got a dodgy machine, aren't using enough powder or are ramming it too full.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 29/12/2014 16:58

Hi OP. Do be aware as well that if you're in the presence of a weed smoker YOU can fai? a drugs test. It persists in your sysrem for up to a month IIRC.

Original poster

speedbird17 · 29/12/2014 17:04

Is that really true? I have to be completely clean for my job and can be legally tested at any point. The limits where I work are much lower than the drink/drive limit so that worries me!

To pp who said about washing twice, I normally don't need to but we were there for 6/7 hours and they were smoking in every room except living room as 'it's Christmas' so we absolutely reeked. I could still smell it faintly after first wash (sense of smell is crazy atm anyway!) so decided to wash again.

I am dreading talking to DH when he gets home :(

OP posts:

Chillyegg · 29/12/2014 17:11

Cannabis can stay in your system for 2-3 days for a one of user. And up to 2 months for a chronic user.

timetoplay · 29/12/2014 18:29

YANBU OP, your DH needs to get a clue. Stick to your guns- they come to you, they wash their hands before holding the baby.

MeridianB · 29/12/2014 19:27

The dangers of third-hand smoke in carpets, fabrics, on skin etc - especially to children and toddlers.

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