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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you think this comment is bordering on being racist/xenophobic?

58 replies

mytartanscarf · 28/12/2014 18:12

My friend has her own little shop. It was quiet this morning and we were sitting having a chat when a fairly regular customer came in and we said hello.

She bought something and then was going to drop the change in the UNICEF tin by the till but then said "oh dear! I don't think I'll bother - I want to support children in THIS country!"

We both said it made us feel uncomfortable (after she'd gone!)

This certainly isn't a criticism of her wanting to support whatever charity she likes, by the way. We can't give to all of them!

OP posts:

dwarfrabbit · 28/12/2014 19:11

Nobody was saying she didn't have or shouldn't have had personal choice. But by making a point of telling people that she wasn't going to help children outside the UK, she made it into an issue that is worth exploring. Hence the thread.

Original poster

mytartanscarf · 28/12/2014 19:13

I don't think it's uncaring either.

There are many reasons why someone might not give to a charity - lack of funds being the most obvious reasons.

What took me by surprise was the immediate decision not to donate because the money helped children abroad rather than children in the UK.

OP posts:

Branleuse · 28/12/2014 19:15

i think its perfectly valid to prefer to support more local charities. She might be racist, but i dont think her comment means anything necessarily

silveroldie2 · 28/12/2014 19:16

Not racist at all - her money - her choice.

Nelehwelly · 28/12/2014 19:17

If she'd said 'oh no, I don't want the money going to black children' or a variation thereof you could say she was being racist.

What she actually said was just a spin on 'charity begins at home'.

saoirse31 · 28/12/2014 19:20

Can't see how you could consider her comment racist tbh.

windchime · 28/12/2014 19:21

No, not at all racist. I only support charities who help people in the UK, like the local food bank. Plenty of people shivering and starving to death in this country. YABU.

BackOnlyBriefly · 28/12/2014 19:24

Not racist.

I know some people object to the phrase 'Charity begins at home' but it should be phrased 'Responsibility begins at home'.

After all you'd feed your own kids before you'd feed those in another city. They are your responsibility.

After that the kids in your country are more your responsibility than those in another country. Not that the other kids don't matter, but you are part of a society (and voted for a government) that created the situation where kids are in poverty. Everyone in this country shares a small, but real responsibility for that.

So when someone says "Who can say some deserve help more than others" they are missing the point.

raltheraffe · 28/12/2014 19:24

I only donate to animal charities which by definition is speciesist. My money, my choice.

Pagwatch · 28/12/2014 19:24

I think you are looking for her to be in the wrong.

I get stopped by charity collectors all the time and I have reasons why I chose to give or not. If people judge me upon that I would think them stupid.

slithytove · 28/12/2014 19:25

Maybe it wasn't a case of not donating, but keeping that donation for her preferred charity

dwarfrabbit · 28/12/2014 19:25

If we agree that racism is discrimination based on a person's race or nationality, and that by choosing not to donate because the recipients were of a different nationality or race, then you have a clear example of racism.
Racism isn't just about colour.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 28/12/2014 19:25

Racist for wanting to support children in this country?.....really?! of course yabu. Newsflash - not every person in the UK who speaks of helping charities in their own country is a racist ffs!

meltedmonterayjack · 28/12/2014 19:25

Doesn't sound racist or xenophobic to me. There are charities in the UK who do amazing work with and for disadvantaged children and young people, such as Kids Company for example.

Some people prefer to stick to the 'Charity begins at home' principle and that's their choice.

raltheraffe · 28/12/2014 19:27

Last week my 10 year old nephew got told off at school for using the word Pakistani. At first I thought it may be the context he used it in, however the teacher said that it was a racist word. So am I being racist if I describe myself as English?

slithytove · 28/12/2014 19:27

Me in this position, I would keep thst money in my charity allocation, and use it to buy stuff for foodbank when next shopping. It's not like cos I refused unicef I would keep it for myself.

slithytove · 28/12/2014 19:28

Sounds more like geography dwarf which formed her decision making. Not race or nationality. Not everyone in the uk is white British.

DurhamDurham · 28/12/2014 19:29

Lots of people prefer to give to local/small charities as they want to help people on their own communities or country. It would not have made me feel uncomfortable nor do I think it was racist.

BackOnlyBriefly · 28/12/2014 19:29

dwarfrabbit if you donate to UNICEF you don't know the race or nationality of the people it helps so that can't apply.

dwarfrabbit · 28/12/2014 19:32

backonlybriefly. That is precisely why I donate to UNICEF. A child is a child imo. Also, UNICEF have very low admin costs and I can get the tax back!

Original poster

mytartanscarf · 28/12/2014 19:33

Back, I am not sure I agree with that, as I don't think charity is about giving so much as choice.

The poster who chooses to donate only to animal charities I have no problem with :) as an animal-lover myself and certainly, I feel that giving to charity should only ever be free choice and as such, the charity you give to should be free choice as well.

However, the fact that she was about to drop a coin into the box and then stopped - perhaps it was this that caused me disquiet. After all, I don't donate to hundreds of charities but there is a difference between just not donating and stating the reasons for this - even if the reasons are valid.

Perhaps it was the implicit criticism of the charity box being for "children from other countries" - I mean, let's just say it had been for the local food bank and someone had been about to drop a coin in and said "oh I don't think I'll bother - there's no such thing as poverty in this country as they all have flatscreen TVs." That wouldn't be racist, obviously, but it would be deeming the families/children as unworthy and that's a bit how it made my friend and I feel - "I won't donate, those children aren't British."

So IABU on racist grounds but I think, having considered it, there was something a little dismissive about it which is why it made us a little

Thank you, as ever, for replies :)

OP posts:

Tron123 · 28/12/2014 19:35

Giving to charity is a choice, there are so many, some people choose togove money to animals, that does not make them anti human, some do not give to scope or mencap that soes not amake them anti disability. It is a matter of choice so no not racist

slithytove · 28/12/2014 19:48

Other countries doesn't mean the same as not British.

Just as this country doesn't necessarily mean British.

I want to help people in this country. Couldn't give a shiny shite the colour of their skin, where they were born, or which passport they hold.

Dipankrispaneven · 28/12/2014 19:49

It does annoy me when people parrot the "charity begins at home" mantra as an excuse for not giving to famine relief etc. Invariably they are people who don't give to UK charities either.

Dipankrispaneven · 28/12/2014 19:51

ralthraffe, I strongly suspect the word your nephew used was not "Pakistani".

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