To be unhappy with birthday gift

[Shesaysso]

Posting for a friend.

Friend has just had a significant birthday (ending in a zero) and was asked by parents if she had any ideas what she would like for her birthday. Friend is a bit skint as is currently doing up house and suggested that they give money towards a large new item for their kitchen (parents are generous with gifts). Friend then ordered said item banking on the money from parents to pay for it.

Birthday came and friend didnt receive what she had said she would like but instead vouchers for an activity day out (something she would enjoy) and a watch. Friend is really annoyed and was tempted to give parents presents back (she didnt in the end). Friend has instead taken watch back and swapped for a jumper.

So, is she being unreasonable?

Of course she is! The parents asked for ideas, they didn't sign a contract! She sounds very ungrateful and should not have jumped the gun.

Are you 'the friend'?

'Friend' was in the wrong. Couldn't be clearer.

Gosh, how rude! Poor parents. I hope they don't find out how ungrateful she is!

Dear god, you don't order something until you have the money, just in case! Hope her parents don't find out - they obviously thought something for the house wasn't 'birthday-y enough'

Can someone please agree with the OP as if we all post that she is BVU, we'll never get her to admit she's the 'friend'?!

How rude and entitled! Poor parents.

She is being VU. Fancy swapping the present and buying an item she can't afford unless someone else pays.

Perhaps her parents could find out about the swap so they don't bother wasting any more money in future and just buy a token gift.

How did swapping the watch for a jumper help her cash flow crisis?? You're She's an ungrateful madam.

What a stupid thing to do, order it banking on money she didn't have. Yes, she is being v. unreasonable.

Thanks guys- I promise it isn't me,it is a friend. However I also think they are being unreasonable but they won't have it, thought I would just canvas opinion to see whether I was in the wrong not them.

Friend needs to grow up. Why not keep the watch, sounds like she swapped it out of spite.

Going to go against the grain here and say that your friend is not unreasonable to be annoyed. Too often, people ask what you want and then think "oh I don't fancy giving that" and then buy what they think you want. The gift should be about the receiver, not the giver. In this case, the receiver had clearly asked for something so actually made it very easy for her parents to choose something she would definitely want. I too would have been annoyed but wouldn't go as far as letting my parents know.

She is definitely VU and ungrateful.

Actually, if I was proper skint and needed a new cooker/fridge/washing machine/delete as appropriate, and my parents really understood this, I would be surprised if my parents prioritised treaty things I would like but definitely didn't need.

And I might be tempted - grateful though I would be, for them thinking I needed something nice for myself - to swap those gifts for something more pragmatic.

Rude rude rude. I can understand if they had actually agreed on the item she wanted but parents just asked for a suggestion.

I can understand her being irked. Last year dh never got me a birthday present, then as I approached a series of birthday parties, suggested giving me money to buy a dress with. Ace I thought, solves the no cash to buy new outfit problem.He then gave me a very lovely but completely different gift out of the blue.

But, whilst it was annoying I didn't complain to him about it and nor would I. The gift he got me is lovely (and I wouldn't be complaining to him if it wasn't either). It sounds like your friend has told her parents they are unreasonable not to have given her cash and instead to have spent time / effort finding something they hoped she would like. Which is very rude and ungrateful in my opinion.

She is being very unreasonable, they got her something she would like. She was silly ordering this item, before things were set in stone. She should have told them, and seen if they bought it or not, not just go ahead and purchase it.

Perhaps her parents didn't want to give her something so functional as a "significant birthday" gift, but something more personal and a treat.

Hi

^^Yes Clam thats the way I see it I think the parents wanted to give something memorable as it was a significant birthday where as friend sees it as 'why ask me what I want and then get something completely different' ultimately though I think its the parents money so can spend it how they see fit.

Your friend was too hasty on ordering before making sure she had the money but why ask someone what they want and then ignore it. My family have form for this. Numerous times I have asked for a particular book - have I received this book? Have I bollocks.

My MIL asked what we'd like her to get for new baby. We said a gro-bag. She bought an entirely useless mobile. I am not ungrateful but now we have one more thing to buy and one thing we don't like. Why ask if you're found to get something different? I don't think friend is justified in being angry but I get the reason.

I do find it a little bit annoying when people ask what DC would like for Christmas/Birthday, tell me to cross it off the list then buy something completely different without telling me.
However it's only stuff and people have good intentions so no harm done.

The friend was daft to order the item if she can't pay for it herself.

Your friend was lucky she didn't get what my mum gave me for my 42nd birthday this year..... the unicorn memo holder (not the pink monster hiding it....)

Riding not hiding!