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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask family and dp to stop calling me lucifer?

53 replies

LPJax · 27/12/2014 20:48

My name is Lucy and dp called me lucifer a few months back in front of family. They all found it hilarious and carried it on and now it's my 'standard' name. When I ask them to not call me it they say I'm being precious and dp laughs at me. It's fucking awful, even my grandma calls me it and dp told the neighbours it's my preferred name so they put it in our Christmas card. It's way beyond a joke and I'm so sick of it it's actually making me quite upset.

OP posts:

Bettercallsaul1 · 28/12/2014 02:16

If I were you, OP, I would try to "divide and conquer" in this situation.. I would approach your family members individually, by phone - starting with the one who's likely to be most understanding - and explain how much this is upsetting you and ask them to stop. Don't minimise how you feel: be honest, and say that this is beginning to spoil family gatherings for you. It is amazing how differently people will respond if you approach them individually, and the fact that you are phoning them specifically about it shows the depth of your feeling. If they don't respond to this (but I'm sure they would), then I wouldn't attend any family get-togethers until they do as this would show a complete lack of respect (and even affection) for you.

Most importantly, don't let anyone convince you that you are being "precious" or oversensitive in not wanting your name to become a family joke from which you are excluded. I agree with the pp who said that this was bullying behaviour: it is and shouldn't be tolerated in a family situation any more than at work or in the playground. As for your partner, you should make it quite clear how hurtful you find his refusal to stop doing something that you hate and is completely unneccessary: don't let it drop. If he persists, then I'm afraid that this problem is just the tip of the iceberg in his attitude towards you.

GateMaiden · 28/12/2014 02:34

NC for this, will totally out me.

My DP started calling me Gate Maiden when we moved into our new house because he struggled to open the gate and I had to do it for him (there appeared to be a certain technique). I did the really mind, but then I t progressed into The Warden, which I hated, it made me sound like his controlling jailer. He called me it jokingly for over 12 months and I kept telling him I didn't like it, but he didn't take me seriously and told me it was a term of affection. In the end I had a big argument about it and used something similar to the Tiny Todger example as above. He suddenly realised it wasn't actually very funny and I didn't find it endearing and he hasn't called me it since. Took a while to make my point though. And he didn't recruit in his family. Hope you get it sorted...I think all of the above advice is great, but I particularly like the setting fire to them one!

Bulbasaur · 28/12/2014 02:44

Back to childhood rules, it's only funny if everyone is laughing.

I'd just respond to the "You're so sensitive" with something along the lines of "Well, now that you know I'm sensitive about it, cut the shit" and don't budge or apologize for any sulking if you get snappy. I've had to use that line a few times. You look like a kill joy for a short amount of time, but really if they respect you, they'll respect the boundaries you put up.

Have you told your DP how annoyed you are? If he doesn't take you seriously, you need to ditch him. Life is too short to be with someone who doesn't respect you.

I agree with PP's this is a form of bullying if they know how upset you are about it. If you're laughing or sort of going along with it, they may not know how serious it is.

From previous experience you have to nip shitty behavior in the bud or people will all happily walk all over you. The more you let this go on, the harder it will be to make it stop. I had a work bullying situation that I thought ignoring and carrying on would be the best course of action. When I tried to get HR involved to make it stop, it was already too far out of control. Though, I felt smugly vindicated the branch was shut down shortly after I quit due to shitty management. Fuckers weren't laughing so much then.

Anyway, don't play nice with this, and don't be afraid to be assertive or "mean" about it.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 28/12/2014 02:47

The nickname 'rule' is that the less it is liked by the new owner, the more it is used! The more it is used, the more likely it will stick. The only way to get rid of it (given no-one is listening to reason), is to make it boring to them - don't react!

ravenAK · 28/12/2014 02:48

I've known 3 Lucys who DJ/perform with variations of Lucifer as their stage name! I think it's a bit fab - what's not to like about a name that translates as LightBringer?

But if you hate it, I'd second the advice not to minimise how it makes you feel. Say, every time it's used: 'NO. I really don't like being called that. Please don't.'

Then continue to challenge it: 'NO. I've already said I don't like that nickname. The only reason anyone could have to still use it is deliberately trying to wind me up.'

After that, just Death Stare them & refuse to respond. They'll get it eventually.

Isetan · 28/12/2014 06:05

Your not so D partner and your family are bullying knobs. I would let them know in no uncertain terms, that the repetition of a name that you have asked them not to call you will not be outwardly acknowledged but inwardly, will be a constant reminder of their lack of respect for you.

I suspect that their behaviour is a symptom of a dynamic which probably pre dates their chosen name calling. If that is the case, then your issues go beyond the name calling.

Mehitabel6 · 28/12/2014 07:14

I would follow Bettercallsaul1's advice.
It isn't being precious when it is your name- they are bullying and you need to put a stop to it.

Alisvolatpropiis · 28/12/2014 09:03

That would really annoy me. YANBU

Patrickstarxx · 28/12/2014 11:42

Call him nipple dick in front of everyone.
That would be just as hurtful.

SunnyBaudelaire · 28/12/2014 11:45

call him 'Needle Dick' just as a joke! hahaha how he will laugh!

SunnyBaudelaire · 28/12/2014 11:45

omg patrickstar genius!

Patrickstarxx · 28/12/2014 11:47

sunny nice to know I'm not the only evil one on here ...

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 28/12/2014 12:01

what's not to like about a name that translates as LightBringer?

I imagine the fact that is is another name for Satan is one thing not to like about it.

I agree with others. Start referring to him as Dick Head.

NoMontagues · 28/12/2014 12:36

I came on to suggest needle-dick but I see PPs have beaten me to it

Andrewofgg · 28/12/2014 12:59

TattyDevine has just posted a late entry for the MN Mixed Metaphor of the Year Competition:

Shit sticks so nip it in the bud.

iamdivergent · 28/12/2014 13:24

YANBU - you have to say something.

DD2 hates her pet name gps use so she recently told then, they've tried to use it a few times but she just ignores it until they call her by her name. Thet say first name 'warawoo' she's 6 now and hates it

Jessicahyde85 · 28/12/2014 13:28

I would find that funny!

thecatfromjapan · 28/12/2014 13:39

Wait until your dh is asleep, pour petrol over him, apply a match.
Sorted.
Or tell him you will do it if he carries on. Show him the petrol can.
He has to understand that this irks you. Some people need concrete demonstrations of the optional states of others - words just don't work with them.
Your dh sounds like one of them.

thecatfromjapan · 28/12/2014 13:42

'Emotional states' not 'optional states'.
Seriously, though, why is he doing this if it upsets you?
A little bit of me finds it hard to believe you are getting Christmas cards with this on it.
A jokey husband of this magnitude would have been divorced, murdered or revealed as a bullying twat of the greatest magnitude long before this, surely?

LividofLondon · 28/12/2014 13:43

If my name was Lucy and people started calling me Lucifer I'd find it really funny and think it was a pretty good nicname. It's quite a clever play on words and I see no big deal about the satan connotation either. However, you are not me LP and if you have made it clear you dislike being called it then people are being unkind in continuing to do so. Could it be that they really don't get how it upsets you? I mean there's more clout in a death stare accompanied with a firm "I hate being called that. Don't ever call me that again", to a weak and whiny "oh stop it". I bet they just don't think it's upsetting you. Tell them straight.

CelesteToTheDance · 28/12/2014 15:36

When people call you that, ignore them, pick up your stuff and leave immediately, if they are in your home, show them the door. If they want a relationship with you they can show enough respect to use your real name.

As for your dp, dump him. He's a disrespectful prick.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 28/12/2014 15:59

No sign of the OP since her first and only post...?

Has she murdered her Family and been locked up?

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/12/2014 17:45

(late I know but)

I would be telling family that if they wanted to see me they would stop

and telling DP that if he wanted to stay together it would stop.

(one step further than Celeste)

kennyp · 28/12/2014 17:53

i used to get called "fatty" (by my mother). thank god it didn't catch on with the neighbours.

telll your partner to stop calling you it. it's not funnny or clever, just mean. people don't like being told they're not funny though (especially when they think they're a hoot) so i'd imagine he won't be very happy with the comment from you. good luck. xx

drivenbyyou · 28/12/2014 18:27

This will completely out me, but my dad used to call me the Fuhrer. Yes, really. Eventually everyone in the pub used to go 'hey Fuhrer' a la Cheers when I walked in (used to meet him for lunch once a week). Anyway, I just used to smile and nod, sometimes take a bow, but decided that it said more about him than it did about me.

Knowing that, it's up to you how you want to deal with it. Can you ignore it? Do you think it would end up worse if you tried to address it? Or what about an opinionated mate taking it up on your behalf when it's happening? I'm damn sure if I thought my friend was getting upset about being called names I'd be first to have their back - I'm not backward in coming forward, and it might help the bullies to know that you're not the only one that doesn't find it funny.

Sorry you're having to deal with crap like this.

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