to call MIL mum?

[BeeRayKay]

Was just reading through the threads and saw one where the MIL was uncomfy with the DIL calling her mum.

I've started calling my MIL ma/mum. I have a bad relationship wth my mum and my mother in law knows this and has been upset a few times when I've said stuff about what my "mum" says to me.

We speak pretty much daily , usually via e-mail and she's quite quick to tell me if she doesn't approve of something, even if it's .... in a round abotu way (Im returning to work and she's not very keen on this idea ad has let me know by saying things to make it clear lol)

And when we're talking seriously she makes a point of saying that I'm just the same as a daughter to her (she only has my husband as a child) and that if me and him were to ever divorce for any reason she'd still be around. And recently when we returned from a trip to Paris she'd found out something my hubby had done to me that was a divorcable offence (we worked through it) from our daughter and she took me into the kitchen for a quiet word and to make sure i was okay and to say that I didn't have to stay with him and was worth more than that treatment....

So I know she likes me (or at least I've interpreted it at that) and she's signed all my gift tags on my presents with "love ma/mum (they changed randomly) and james" (her husband, husbands step dad),

So aibu to call her mum? could she be disliking it? should i stop calling her it?

Ask her?

I think if she's signed your presents from mum, that she likes you calling her it and has accepted that it's how you think of her. If she'd signed them with her first name or Mrs X, then that would give a very different impression.

haha i know thats the logical suggestion....but i don't want to embarass her/me

The reason I started the other thread was calling my MIL "mum" was something I'd never done, nor had heard of in our family circles. In my situation my mum was "mum" and my MIL was called by her first name.

If your MIL is signing presents from mum she obviously doesn't mind.

She doesn't sound like the sort of person who goes around taking offence at things that are meant well, so I don't think you need to fret about it.

But the logical thing really is to mention it, maybe in a way that doesn't make it sound like a big deal, so as to give her an easy way to say 'Actually I'd rather you called me Margo/Mrs Smith'. Maybe when you notice yourself saying it next, stop and say 'Oh, I've noticed I've started doing that lately. What do you reckon? You'd tell me if you'd rather I didn't, right?" and see how she responds. I'll bet it's a hug and some reassurance!

Can I also just clarify, it found calling me "mum" odd as it was something I had never done. I don't recall using the word "uncomfortable".

Ha ha scrub that yes. I did use uncomfortable. I probably should have worded that better, it was a bit weird for someone to call me mum other than my own children.

lol Fabulous you just gave me food for thought :-) Amuminscotland that's what I'll do next time I talk to her in person. (She lives in london, we live in the north, so a few weeks away yet)