To ask them not to get us any presents any more

[Veetvoojagig]

I don't want any presents from my parents any more. They always make some mistake that means I don't want it. This year has been a classic. They ordered a Christmas hamper for me but didn't tell me that they had ordered one or mention that I should expect a delivery. My sister came over at the weekend and said that my present from mum and dad was being delivered. Nothing came. I called mum on Xmas day and then I found out that my present was delivered two weeks ago It didn't arrive and no card had been put through the door. They spent all yesterday working out what had happened and it turns out they sent it to the wrong address. So someone at an address Iived in 5 years ago received a Christmas hamper intended for me. Today I'll get to find out if the new tenant has eaten my present (they've had it for weeks now without anyone claiming it, so I wouldn't blame them). This isn't the first time they've miscommunicated presents. They've forgotten presents, sent things that we already had better quality ones of, sent more than one of the same thing and bought something that wasn't what they thought it was. They are getting too old now and to he honest I wish that they didn't bother. We've asked them to spend their money on the children (although they've had problems understanding what is age appropriate in the past) but they still want to give me something because I am the only child they have who doesn't live near them. Dsis and Db still rely on them for money loans and childcare so they try to make my presents more special to be fair to all their children. Dsis and DB get DVD boxsets - I don't watch much telly but they do. AIBU to tell them we don't want anything from them? I know it sounds ungrateful but their efforts just create more hassle.

DB is talking to SS about getting 24 care for them but that would mean they will be split up.

Why?! Nursing homes/ Care homes can accommodate couples. It would be inhumane to split them up. Why does your brother think 24 hr care is necessary anyway, given that they are still competent enough to organise ordering and sending you presents? (You need to cherish that ability while you still can, btw.) What sort of care is being proposed for them?

So your parents' health is failing and they've limited funds available which will affect their care options yet all you can do is moan about their present choices and how well off you are.

Nice.

Thanks for the advice and abuse. I knew that I had to temper my frustration. As I said, care issues are complicated as other siblings rely on my parents for childcare. They see each other every day. I do not. It's not my business and they are all adults to make their own choices. I see that I have to be sensitive and not alienate myself from the rest of the family over a silly thing like presents. I hope I can persuade them not to buy anything online any more, it's not just my presents that they mixed up before now. I've just spoken to my sister who is willing to help mum buy my present next year. She is furious that my parents could send a present without telling me it was coming. I'll be sharing the remains of my hamper with her on NYE (we think it was a boozy hamper).

So on the one hand your parents need 24hr care yet your siblings are still using them for childcare? Are they all as entitled as you then?

As for your sister being furious about the missing present... What the hell is wrong with you people?

Your family expect the LA to fund care for your parents who are caring for young children?

Jeanseberg - in a word, yes. There comes a point when no-one in the family accepts that parentd get old, including the parents in question. Ever had all your hard work arranging domestic help and meals on wheels wasted by the recipients cancelling it all?
Has happened to us and several other friends too. Parents are stubborn.

You would sit by and let your parents be split up? How disgusting. You seem very cold towards them, yet they seem warm and caring towards their dc and dgc.

Maybe if your siblings paid your parents for caring for their children, there would be more money floating around for them to partially fund some of their own care? Or your siblings could use some of the thousands they are saving on Nursery/CM fees to help out?

OP I think you sound quite worried about your parents, and how they are coping, and will cope in the near future.

The mishaps and confusion around the presents is an insight into their world and it's upsetting and frustrating. They won't listen, or accept help and it's stressful to watch.

It's nothing to do with being ungrateful, you just want to simplify things for them, and stop the waste - of their time and of unwanted gifts. I can see it's not the fact that you didn't get the hamper, it's that they wasted their time and money by sending it to the wrong address. They then had to figure out what happened which sounds like it would have been a bit stressful for them too, and you would just rather spare them all that.

If your sister can help them next year if they so insist on buying for you that sounds like a good idea. I'm sure you would graciously accept a simple gift. Can you set a £ limit?

Final closure on hampergate. I went round to my old flat. The lady there was worried about sending it back as it was left on her doorstep when she was out and the courier was the one that has just gone bust. I now have a small basket of boozy chocs and a bottle of fizz. I burst into tears when I got home for being such a cow bad mouthing my parents on the internet. Thanks everyone. It was a lot of effort but a lovely present on the end.

My mum now has huge health issues. There is so much she can no longer do. One of the last remaining things she can do it to be generous with her presents (usually money as she cannot get out) to me. She would be heartbroken if I deprived her of doing this...it gives her so much joy, to hear my thanks and gratitude. Please do not deprive your parents of this too. I know you are thinking practically and reasonably, but do allow them to continue to do what they wish to do, I am sure it makes them so happy too. And we'll be in that position one day.