To have no time for people who choose to be in pain when they needn't be?

[IsChippyMintonExDirectory]

DH is booked to have a tooth extraction in the New Year. However since Christmas Eve the tooth has started to rot and he's been in agony.

I told him to go to the out of hours surgery and see the emergency dentist. However he won't - this is a common occurance, refusal to see a doctor/dentist when something is wrong. I think it's because he associates seeking help as a weakness and NOTHING is worse in DHs eyes than being weak. Think this is a result of an incredibly tough-love and unempathetic father and being in the Army for so long. He always says something like "I can cope with the pain/it's not bad enough to see a doctor" etc

Anyway he's still moaning about being in pain so I've given him 2 options -

1. Go and see the emergency dentist tonight
2. Stop complaining about it to me because I really have no time for people who choose to be in pain when pain relief and medical attention are easily available.

He sulked off

AIBU and mean?

TBF I was diagnosed with RA this year
it came in like a wrecking ball

they gave me everything to manage it but the least useful things were the blardy painkillers
my family didn't appreciate that I didn't take endless blardy tramadol or a patch. It didn't help tbh but the consultant and GP were endlessly helpful in advising stronger and stronger drugs to 'help me cope'
i learned that diet and listening nnew ways were the actual help

my gm won't take a paracetamol; for her pain and we tap dance around her needs that would be greatly alleviated by appropriate pain meds

Ronald that sounds awful. I suppose the difference was that you were acting though, going to the doctors and trying to find ways to make things better.

I hope you are feeling well now.

I had an infected abscess this summer. The teeth couldn't be done while the infection was rampant - it took 3 courses of antibiotics to get it under control, so that was 3 weeks AFTER first seeing the dentist about it. Believe me, it didn't get any less painful as those weeks elapsed. I was mainlining paracodol and anaesthetic lozenges, but had to do pain management meditation as well.

It might be worth pointing out to DH that seeing the dentist won't fix it straight away, so he'd better get on with sorting out the pain.

Is it true you can murder some one with clove oil?

whirly going to try soft-love approach again. I often do forget just How much he's psychologically affected by a lot that's happened in his life.
And if the silly bugger doesn't call dentist I'm gonna whack him on the head and drag him there myself!

Good to hear you've rediscovered your compassion (and willingness to employ force for good)

Here's an article about mindfulness for managing pain - I've tried to find one that isn't too woolly: [[http://painhealth.csse.uwa.edu.au/pain-management-mindfulness-and-pain.html]

And here's a quick overview of the principles behind self-compassion, which is often much needed by those who've experienced conflict. As it says, we cannot ignore our pain and feel compassion for it at the same time.

Hope he gets sorted & you all get an easier life!

Shitfuckdamn ...

1. painhealth.csse.uwa.edu.au/pain-management-mindfulness-and-pain.html

1. www.self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion.html

aw, ta
i couldn't type,do buttons - nowt for a while
i was terrified ...but it was a flare up in the end....bit scary when you have no idea what is going on and are a parent to small ones

now more drugs all the time but at least I know what it is and have access to the NHS

chippy I hope Mr Chippy feels much better soon so you don't have to bash him

YANBU!! Like those arseholes who go into work when they're ill and cough and splutter and moan all day. Martyrdom is so 13th century.

Martyrdom is so 13th century.

although I do sympathise as tooth pain is offically THE. WORST.

Call the dentist yourself and tell him to get in the bloody car. He may sulk but at least it will be dealt with. I also get fed up with people being martyrs.

Yanbu. I winge when I'm in pain or suffering with a germ but I do take everything available that will ease the symptoms till I can get to the Doctors to get something stronger to get rid of it.

Agree, if I have any pain I take nurofen and get on with it.
DH lies on the sofa moaning, falls asleep and generally annoys me because he " doesn't want to take painkillers"
If I have a migraine or something that nurofen can't totally get rid of I go upstairs and lie down and just keep out of everyone's way.
The moaning martyr syndrome drives me nuts!!!

Update: at about 1am that night I told DH if he didn't get his arse to emergency dentist I would reach in his mouth when he slept and push down on his infection. I was only half joking of course but think he got the message and went. Lots of antibiotics and strong painkillers later and he hasn't moaned about it in a good few hours. Hooray!
However he's now on "it didn't even hurt that much" mode nobhead oh well can't win them all

YANBU. It's the same with dh. Take some bloody painkillers or see a doctor ffs. Because if you carry on with the moaning, sighing and general martyrdom I may just give you something to really moan about. And that goes for you too, fil