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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be cross MIL didn't warn us she was ill

46 replies

grumpalumpgrumped · 26/12/2014 22:40

Turned up to MIL house today for pre arranged visit, she was very poorly with a bad chest. Had we know I would have stayed home with DS1 (6) who is an asthmatic. Was really cross and just wanted to turn around and go home.

I don't think she gets how poorly a chest infection can make him

Now feel guilty as my face probably said it all.

OP posts:

thedevilinside · 27/12/2014 11:40

Totally disagree, the FIRST time we had norovirus, it was four days of hell, subsequent times, now we have partial immunity (you never get total immunity) it is one day of puking.

anothernumberone · 27/12/2014 11:47

As far as I am aware you cannot catch a chest infection as such so yabu. There are viruses everywhere so he could conceivably develop a chest infection from any environment you find yourself in.

PunkrockerGirl · 27/12/2014 12:21

So, the devil, when you had "norovirus"on subsequent occasions, how was it diagnosed? Was it confirmed by lab reports on your stool samples or was it another case of self diagnosed tummy bugs norovirus?

Jollyjingles · 27/12/2014 12:22

OP said she also had a heavy cold which is actively infectious.

Agree a chest infection isn't contagious.

thedevilinside · 27/12/2014 12:38

No, I wouldn't go for a stool sample for a norovirus infection,(which is a mild 24 hour tummy bug for most people)Why would I risk infecting others?

PunkrockerGirl · 27/12/2014 12:49

But nobody can say they've got norovirus without a lab sample confirming it. Just as to why people would self diagnose really. Since norovirus became headline news the world and his wife seem to think they've got it, when realistically they almost certainly haven't.

pumpkinsweetie · 27/12/2014 12:51

??? Did you know a chest infection isn't contagious! Meaning you cannot possibly catch it. Yabu

Original poster

grumpalumpgrumped · 27/12/2014 13:02

Yes but you can catch the heavy cold that led to it going to the chest.
Normal colds are a fact of life but when someone is clearly feeling very unwell I don't think its fair to spread it.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 27/12/2014 13:12

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Chest-infection-adult/Pages/Introduction.aspx

Although they aren't massively contagious the germs can be spread from person to person and in someone who is already at risk can certainly lead to them getting a chest infection themselves.

She should have warned you and let you make the decision if to visit yourselves

ignominious · 27/12/2014 13:16

Last xmas a friend had us round without mentioning her daughter had actual flu (not a heavy cold). Of course DD, 10mo at the time, and I both caught it. Missed christmas but did get visit from out of hours Dr for her fever as I couldn't get us to the walk in clinic on my own. Thanks!

Ruperta · 27/12/2014 13:23

But surely you can't spend your life avoiding people with coughs and colds? Regular hand washing for everyone & using handkerchiefs is the order of the day.

Obviously it's not perfect to visit someone when your ill but if it. Is over Xmas and pre planned engagement I really don't think it is unreasonable to spend sometime with people with colds. (Unless of course the person is immunoconpromised, then it's a whole different picture)

anothernumberone · 27/12/2014 13:32

My db and dsil have 6 kids 3 of whom have asthma (dn's) and one is aged 6 and very bad. They obviously always have various bugs coming and going around the house and dn's catch some and don't catch others. Db and dsil do not quarantine dn aged 6 from the others when sick because he will catch stuff no matter what. There is no such thing as a heavy cold there are various cold and flu viruses which are around us all the time and different immune systems respond differently, frankly kids get bugs from playgrounds, school and yes relatives. I would tell him to stay back from granny as she is not feeling well but no I do not think avoiding all interactions with people with colds with a 6 year old is possible or reasonable.

tiggytape · 27/12/2014 13:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thedevilinside · 27/12/2014 13:38

But that is part of the 'charm' of viruses, the fact that some people get them so mildly that they are able to spread them around. Take a cruise ship situation with a confirmed norovirus infection, you could guarantee that some would have four or five days of misery, others would have 24 hours of D & V, some would end up dehydrated and on a drip in hospital, others would just have stomach cramps and the runs. Same goes for colds, flu and presumably viral chest infections, they will affect us all differently depending on our general health, immune system and age

anothernumberone · 27/12/2014 13:40

But as you say tiggytape everyone has them. Do you avoid cinema, ice skating, restaurants filled with people with colds or just relatives who are likely to be disappointed at not seeing grandchildren at all over Christmas. The common cold can last for weeks. I think you have to be practical.

tiggytape · 27/12/2014 13:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NobodyLivesHere · 27/12/2014 13:52

But just because her cold is 'heavy' that doesn't mean if she passed it on the other persons cold would be heavy. And by the same token, if she had the sniffles in another person that could develop into something far more serious. I have an asthmatic child, I don't hide her away as its impossible to avoid colds in the winter. Yabu.

PunkrockerGirl · 27/12/2014 13:57

tiggy If you'd bothered to read my previous post to the one you quoted, I did say that the poster's relative should not have visited.

And yes, a lot of the patients I've nursed with confirmed cases of norovirus have been old and frail, but by no means all. I've nursed young people on chemo who've contracted it whilst their immune systems are weakened. I've nursed a 23 year old with a pre existing condition who died from it. I think people can underestimate how serious it can be for some people.

anothernumberone · 27/12/2014 14:37

But tiggy it is more often the immune response that determines how heavy the cold will be not the specific virus. So a tiny snuffle at the cinema may cause a 'heavy' cold in the son and the granny's specific strain of cold if say he has already been exposed to it may cause a very well fought immune response. I just don't think it is possible, realistically, to avoid children catching colds.

tiggytape · 27/12/2014 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JammyGeorge · 27/12/2014 16:48

Yanbu

Ds1 was hospitalised then had a terrible winter with constant viral wheezes/asthma. Back and forward to the ooh doctors. He was 2 years old and it was terrifying.

I also had a newborn baby.

FIL walked through my door loaded with cold. So poorly he couldn't speak and was struggling to walk straight. He's then proceeded to tell us how ill he'd been.

I was absolutely bloody furious. He made a massive deal about not holding the baby and I just let rip about the baby wasn't the one we needed to worry about, the 2 year old with breathing problems that was probably going to end up in hospital was more of a concern. Stupid old fool.

I just wouldn't dream of turning up at someone's house with young kids in that state, coughing and snotting all over them, it's disgusting.

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