To think I am not remotely unreasonable...

[Sussexbelle73]

Long boring family story but the gist is that my mother is married to a control freak who is only interested in his own kids/ grandkids.

I have been with DP 15 years and in that time my DM has only met my MIL (who is elderly and on her own) once. It is difficult for MIL to travel so we always go to her. I asked my own DM to come and visit and her husband said no as they are visiting his kids inlaws who they see a the time.

I am very upset and feel like saying something but don't want to cause a row. I dont think its unreasonable to ask my mother to visit my MIL for the second time in 15 years.

What would you do?

My parents have only met my PIL a few times (wedding, christening, a few parties), in 17 years. They live quite a long journey away and other than DH and I, have nothing in common. It's really not a big deal I'm not sure why you would want your mum to come and see your MIL. They don't have a relationship, and there are clearly other people closer to her that she and her husband would rather see.

I think you're over reacting.

My parents have met my inlaws once in 13 years, at our wedding.if both sets want to mutually meet up then that's fine they can arrange it between themselves as they're all adults. Wouldn't be for me to arrange.

I wouldn't do anything. Given a choice between visiting someone I barely know and visiting people I know and love I'd always choose the latter.

I don't think its usual for in laws and parents to meet up outside of family events really.

I don't think the issue is that the OP's Mum visits the OP's MIL.

The issue is, Mum visiting MIL is the only possible way the OP can see her own Mum at Christmas without leaving MIL alone or forcing her to travel when she finds it very difficult.

And it's a shame the OP's Mum can't do that because her DH insists they visit the people they see all the time anyway.

And YANBU OP, it wouldn't kill them to visit MIL once if it means you get to spend time with your Mum at Christmas for a change.

Wouldn't occur to my that my parents should have anything to do with my in-laws. They have nothing in common. Married 5 years, have 2 kids and they've never met.

Hmm I'm not sure, my parents have met DH's parents less than a handful of times and only then connected with our wedding. It wouldn't even occur to me to ask my mum or dad to come and visit the in-laws with me, they don't really have anything in common and don't need to have a relationship with each other IYSWIM? Why are you so keen for your DM to spend time with MIL? I don't think it's unreasonable for her to choose to spend her time with other people.