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AIBU?

AIBU in thinking it's odd to call your MIL "Mum"

113 replies

Fabulous46 · 26/12/2014 15:14

My DIL is 4 days overdue and has asked to stay at ours for another week. This is no problem to us as DS is back to work tomorrow and I'll be around. It makes sense as she won't be alone if she goes into labour. I'm a bit uncomfortable though with being called "mum" in the last few days by her. I really do adore her, but, well, she has a mum doesn't she? She doesn't have a great relationship with her own mum. I wondered do any ladies call their MIL "mum"?

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TInselaffe · 26/12/2014 21:36

Just seen your last post - that is very sweet of you OP :) I have a friend who calls her MIL and FIL mum and dad... For her it is a cultural (eastern European) thing.

WhereDoAllTheCalculatorsGo · 26/12/2014 21:52

My PIL were mum and dad, it is nice. You are a family and she wants you to be close.

Hatespiders · 26/12/2014 22:17

I call my pil Maman and Papa, or La Vieille and Le Vieux (Cote d'Ivoire)
I've always called them this as it's traditional and courteous. I curtsey to them on arrival and hold out two hands (one only is rude) They're both absolutely delightful.

JudgeyHotPants · 26/12/2014 22:28

My Uncles wife has always called my grandparents "mum" and "dad".

BikketBikketBikket · 27/12/2014 13:19

We told our DIL when she and DS married that she could carry on calling us Bert and Marge (NOT our rl names!) or swap to Mum and Dad - either was fine with us. Her own DDad sadly died when she was young, and she said that she'd love to have a Dad again (and therefore a second Mum). We were hugely touched and love that fact that it was her choice...

DD's DP has always called us Bert and Marge - and will always do so. That's fine too - the only thing I wouldn't like to be called is 'Oi, You'

Sparks1007 · 27/12/2014 13:57

Alteredimages do you live in Greece or Cyprus?

My parents called eachothers' parents mum and dad (or variations thereof). I don't get on with my MIL so would never dream of calling her mum. My husband wouldn't use mum and dad either. Even though my mum and dad are obviously amazing

alteredimages · 27/12/2014 14:13

No, I'm in Egypt, but same neck of the woods.

VitalStollenFix · 27/12/2014 14:17

I do. In her culture it is the norm. It would be hugely disrespectful to her if I called her by her first name. She is an elderly lady and she would be hurt and baffled. I love her and would never do that to her.

My husband calls my parents mum and dad because it's his culture to do so. He could no more call them by their first names than he could sprout wings and fly My parents have absolutely no objection to it. Everyone's happy.

AcrossthePond55 · 27/12/2014 16:05

My new DiL refers to me as 'my beautiful mother-in-law' when emailing me or introducing me to her friends, but she usually calls me by my name when we're speaking. We sign cards to both of them as 'Mum and Dad'. The marriage is so new that we really haven't settled into 'names' yet. She can call me anything she wants. I'll try not to make her want to call me 'that old besom!'. LOL

whitesandstorm · 27/12/2014 16:29

i never called mine anything. Couldn't stand her.

CaptainAnkles · 27/12/2014 16:35

MIL said I could call her and FIL 'Mum and Dad', but I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing it, so I just sort of smiled and muttered something like 'it's fine, I'll just call you by your first names if that's okay'
I appreciated the offer and thought it was lovely but I would've definitely felt strange calling someone Mum who isn't my mother.
If your DIL wants to call you Mum, it's rather sweet. Does it make you really uncomfortable or do you think you'd get used to it?

Gruntfuttock · 27/12/2014 16:42

I called my MIL by her name and she never called me anything but "madam".

LuluJakey1 · 27/12/2014 16:49

I call her by her name and PIL by his- they aren't my mam and dad. My mam and dad are dead but that makes no difference- they are the only people I would ever think of as mam and dad.

DH called my parents by their names.

BingBongMerrilyOnHigh · 27/12/2014 16:59

I think it's lovely. I wish I had that kind of relationship with my PILs.

muminhants · 29/12/2014 17:11

My DH has two brothers and both his sisters-in-law had lost their mothers by the time they married DH's brothers. They both call his mum Mum.

However, my mum is still alive. But MIL likes to be called Mum. I don't tend to call her anything in conversation, but will put Mum in a card or letter if I am sending one as I know she expects/likes it.

My DH calls my mum by her first name.

tilliebob · 29/12/2014 17:25

Nope although my MIL has often tried to get me to do so. I have a mum, thanks. DH and my mum are close but he calls her by her name and never as mum either - why would he, when he has his own nightmare of a mum?

MrsCosmopifairylight · 29/12/2014 17:40

My dear late Dad used to call my (also dear & late) Mum's mother 'mum'. Partly because of the generational thing, and partly because, unlike his birth mother, she was fond of him.
Mum called Dad's mother by her name or Mrs Xxxx

I get on extremely well with my MIL but call her by her first name, not "Mum".

QTPie · 29/12/2014 17:44

God, I would be very flattered! (DS is only 5 - so not an option for a few years...).

Could be her pregnancy hormones or she could be feeling genuinely close to you - would encourage it and not fight it to be honest. The better you get on with her, the more involved you will be with the grandchild :)

skylark2 · 29/12/2014 17:44

I don't, but my mum always called her FIL "dad" (FIL's wife died when my dad was a child).

ceridwyn · 29/12/2014 17:46

Thought it was normal, but then my MIL passed away before we married so never did it myself. I regard my SIL as my sister but then, I only had brothers to start with. It certainly used to be the norm when marriage was considered the joining of two families and not just two individuals.

Purplecircle · 29/12/2014 17:51

My mum always did this but my Dad didn't call his parents Mum and Dad.
I don't do it but I do think that it's a compliment that she chooses to

Fabulous46 · 29/12/2014 17:52

I probably used the wrong word in "uncomfortable". It was more odd as only my own kids have called me mum. I'm very flattered and grateful that we get along so well.

I've only been called GRAN today since an 8lb 4oz blue bundle arrived at 9.41am this morning. I was VERY privileged at being the third person to hold him . Mum, dad and baby all doing fantastically. Not that I'm excited to have them here with us or anything.

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2015 · 29/12/2014 17:54

Congrats

zeeboo · 29/12/2014 17:57

I've always called my MIL'Mum' it seems perfectly normal and natural to me.

tilliebob · 29/12/2014 18:01

Aww congrats Granny!

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