AIBU in thinking it's odd to call your MIL "Mum"

[Fabulous46]

My DIL is 4 days overdue and has asked to stay at ours for another week. This is no problem to us as DS is back to work tomorrow and I'll be around. It makes sense as she won't be alone if she goes into labour. I'm a bit uncomfortable though with being called "mum" in the last few days by her. I really do adore her, but, well, she has a mum doesn't she? She doesn't have a great relationship with her own mum. I wondered do any ladies call their MIL "mum"?

[Marylou2]

I call my MIL by her first name or "that bloody woman" out of earshot.We don't have an easy relationship. I imagine that to refer to your MIL as mum you must love and respect them immensely.This is an enormous compliment even though you find it disconcerting.

[BackforGood]

I think it's odd too. "Mum" is such a particular relationship, you can't then give it to other people too.
I understand the awkwardness of not being sure what to call them, but it's a decision between being overly formal, with "MrsX" or using their first name, or 'practising' by calling you Gran or whatever, or - as I suspect many of us have done over the years, avoiding it altogether.... waiting until you get eye contact, or, if talking about you, saying 'your Mum' to your dh.

[KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard]

ExH once told me he was going to ask if he could call my parents mum and dad.

He had a huge lack of boundaries.

When we split up he totally got them onside. They thought he was charming. He fed them a huge pile of lies about me and almost ruined my relationship with them.

Fortunately (for me) he showed his true colours at the 11th hour.

It's like random aquaintances of your parents insisting you called them Auntie and Uncle as a child.

I don't like it. I find it very weird. Each to their own, though.

[Notagainmun]

I think it is a massive compliment. Personally I would never have called my MIL mum, there is only one woman who I will ever call mum. The only person I knew who called his Pil Mum and Dad was my Dad, but he adored my Gran and he called his own mother Mami (Welsh). If any future Dil wanted to call me mum I would be thrilled but I wouldn't expect it.

[MultipleMama]

My DH calls my dad "otets" which is father in my dad's mother tongue and my dad calls him "yego" which means son, they alternate between names and these affectionate terms. I call my IL's Mama and Papa X (using their first initial) and they call me their daughter but like my dad and DH we alternate.

My relationship with IL's isn't perfect but we're somewhat close and sometimes names can be too formal.

However, dad called his IL's by name. He never liked them much

[CallMeExhausted]

My ILs are Mum and Dad to me, and we are all comfortable with it.

In fact, they were Mr and Mrs DH's surname until they be came Mum and Dad... I don't think I ever use their given new unless I am introducing them.

[Sanch1]

My mum calls her MIL, my gran, mum. She was more like a mum to her when my parents first married as her parents moved away. Its a lovely sign of affection IMO. My parents are now divorced and she still calls her mum. I, on the other hand call my MIL by her name!!

[AcrossthePond55]

No matter what she calls you, I think it's lovely that she has so much faith in you and feels so comfortable around you.

[DancingDinosaur]

I don't think its odd. Its really nice.

[MultipleMama]

Just to add; I called my mother "mum" and DH called his "mama" as that's how she's known to him, and that's how I know her. My mum would have loved for DH to call her "mum" (she told me once and DH said he didn't feel he had that right yet) but sadly she passed away before they had that relationship; DH was closer to my dad.

[honeysucklejasmine]

My MIL calls her MIL "Mom". I will never do the same, much as I think she's brilliant.

[alteredimages]

I would take it as a compliment, though I appreciate it isn't everyone's cup of tea. I think that your DIL might be quite hurt if you objected or corrected her as it could seem like her Mum rejecting her again so I would just let it be unless it was really driving me barmy.

My PIL are not from the UK and we live abroad. I call them Mama and Baba at their insistence and am used to it now although it seemed strange at first. Here it would be very very rude for me to use their first names without at least at Aunt or Uncle in front.

Which brings me to DH and DF. DH has real trouble using DF's first name as it feels rude to him. Obviously Mr Smith is also out as they are quite close. DH would have liked to call him Dad but I explained gently that my DBs would never let it go and his life wouldn't be worth living. Still to DH, calling my DF Dad seems the most respectful thing to do except that DF would give him the look and never speak to him again. Cultural differences perhaps?

Part of me wants him to do it to see DFs face. In my imagination it would be like in Elf when Buddy enters his Dad's office and sings him the song.

[Kundry]

I think it's v sweet of her to do it spontaneously.

My MIL just suddenly started calling herself 'Mum' to be which pissed me off as a) I have a Mum, b) if I was supposed to call her mum, I have had to call FIL Dad and my Dad had just died and I would have found this hugely upsetting and c) she knew this and so was fucking tactless.

3 years later I actually like my MIL but the Mum thing set us back years.

[KingJoffreysHasABigWhiteBeard]

That said, given her circumstances it might just be her way of saying she's scared, about to give birth, misses her own mum and just needs you.

[wheresthelight]

My parents both called their respective inlays mum and dad.

when my mil was dying she phoned me up and asked if she could call me her daughter (dp and I aren't married) and would I call her mum. felt a bit odd but it made a dying woman extremely proud and happy.

if you like her I would facilitate it, if as you say her relationship with her own mother is crap then I would burst with pride that she loves you in that way and feels comfortable enough to refer to you as such.

[MadameLeBean]

I don't with MIL but I do call FIL "dad" quite often (not to his face though!) as don't have a close relationship with my own dad and when DP talks about him it's just easier than him saying dad and me saying FIL name. I do get on really well with MIL as well though but would find it weird to call her mum.

[MammaTJ]

If she doesn't have a great relationship with her own Mum, it makes more sense than if she did. She is obviously fond of you!

[TooExtraImmatureCheddar]

My granny did this - her MIL was 'Mum' and her own DM was 'Mother'. I wouldn't like it myself, though - MIL is v nice but that would feel wrong.

[holeinmyheart]

I think it is lovely that your DIL feels relaxed enough to want to call you Mum. She must like you a great deal.
Just be grateful that this is the case. You read enough threads on MN where the MIL is vilified for very minor transgressions.

[Mehitabel6]

It seems really odd to me. I use first names. I am shortly to be a MIL and am my first name-I have been from when they first met.

[perplexedpirate]

I do think that's odd. Did she ask you first? If not I think it's pretty overfamiliar and a bit disrespectful.

Maybe she forgot your name (clutches straws)?

[Chiggers]

My late MIL was absolutely fantastic and I called her Ma. Late FIL was called Da (I'm sure you can tell I'm originally from Northern Ireland ). They loved it and although MIL and I had our differences, we still loved each other very much to be there for each other when FIL passed.

When we moved 350 miles away, I insisted that MIL (FIL had passed away 2yrs earlier) came with us so she wasn't separated from her GC. I basically told her that she wasn't staying behind on her own and she was coming with us (no choice in the matter) and staying with us until she sorted out a place of her own. Her last words to me were "Chiggers, I love you so much and you are the DD that I never had". Unfortunately the next night she joined my late FIL, but they're together again and that makes me smile .

That said, not all MILs are like mine and I acknowledge that I was so lucky to have her in my life.

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

I'd never call mine mum because she isn't a motherly figure to me. I had my own mum. I do however call a very very close friends parents aunt and uncle they prefer being called that rather than their names and they make me feel like family. I've drifted from some of my own family so it's nice feeling welcome

[meandyouohyeah]

Wow, didn't realise this was a thing. exMIL got pissed at me once because I didn't buy her a mothers day card. She wasn't my mum so why would I?

[tassisssss]

Dh calls my mum, "mum".

Sadly his mum is no longer living but I think i'd call her "mum" too if she was.