AIBU in thinking it's odd to call your MIL "Mum"

[Fabulous46]

My DIL is 4 days overdue and has asked to stay at ours for another week. This is no problem to us as DS is back to work tomorrow and I'll be around. It makes sense as she won't be alone if she goes into labour. I'm a bit uncomfortable though with being called "mum" in the last few days by her. I really do adore her, but, well, she has a mum doesn't she? She doesn't have a great relationship with her own mum. I wondered do any ladies call their MIL "mum"?

[ImperfectAlf]

I call my mil mum. I have a mum also. I would love it if my dil did that for me, but I doubt she would. We'll see.

[aprilanne]

its quite old fashioned to call your mil mum .because she isn,t .my mil signs my cards mum and dad which i hate because they are not my parents .and i can,t stand them .

[KarmaViolet]

I think it used to be the norm back when it would be considered disrespectful or rude to call older people by their first names. My parents (now in their 60s) both called their ILs Mum and Dad. They were Mr & Mrs X until marriage and then they became Mum and Dad.

I don't think it's as common now because most people call their partner's parents by their first names.

I don't think it's odd so much as old-fashioned. I'd take it as a compliment.

[Usernamegone]

I think that is a very personal thing. I called my MIL her first name yesterday. My DP immidiately pipes up that I should call her mum. Thankfully FIL piped up that I should call MIL whatever I wanted to.

Mil and I get on well (i hope) but my mum died when I was child and it's just too painful to call anyone else mum.

[sarkymare]

I don't call my MIL mum when talking to her but I will write to mum in cards etc.

The reason I don't call her mum in everyday conversation is because I fear she will find it weird. After reading the comments on here I think she probably would find it a bit odd.

I don't have a great relationship with my own mother. She kicked me out when I was sixteen and didn't give a flying fuck about what happened to me. MIL took me in and gave me all the love support and encouragement I could have only dreamed of. For the first time in my life I feel truly loved and included in a family. She has been more of a mother to me In the past 7 years than my own could ever be. Because of this, whether I actually say it to her or not, she is my mum in my eyes.

[Theenduringmoment]

You're both very lucky I think OP to have found such a great relationship by an accident of marriage. Best wishes for your new grandchild.

[Chiggers]

That's lovely Sarkymare and I'm glad you found someone to love as a mother. It's surprising how incredibly selfish some parents can be. The one thing they can teach us though, is how not to parent our own DC.

[Theboodythatrocked]

What could possibly be wrong with showing love and affection and obviously your dil needs you now.

How lovely. You should be so pleased.

[DrinkleBells]

Thinking about it my family do it. My first cousins and their spouses call each other's parents: 'mum' and 'dad'. The husband of the daughter and the wife of the son are welcome as part of family.

[chasingtherainbow]

I haven't read tft- but your last sentence made me sad.

I don't have a good relationship with my mum and have no father. I'd love to call my wonderful inlaws mum and dad but don't for this exact reason :(





Your DIL is due any day and needs a mum.

[sarkymare]

chiggers how very true. Whenever I have a WTF do I do parenting moment I always think 'what would my mother do' I then do the opposite

[DrownedReindeer]

I don't call my MiL Mum but she'd be happy if I did. I usually call FiL Grandpa though in a kind of piss-takey way but he loves me so laughs it off.

My SiL (DH's brother's wife) calls MiL Mum but she's from a completely different culture and probably gets warmer treatment from our MiL (who is absolutely wonderful btw) than her own mother so no one seems to mind.

Unless relationships are strained I don't see a problem. I can't ever see DH calling my parents Mum and Dad (although he gets on very well with them) but I could see me calling my MiL Mum simply because she's a special lady.

[Mehitabel6]

It wasn't the norm. I am over 60yrs and have always called PIL by their names- my friends do too with their PIL.
It is quite nice- if you like it.

[SantanaLopez]

You sound lovely. Your DIL must really appreciate you :)

Good luck for the baby. It won't be long!

[Fabulous46]

As I said earlier in the thread DIL is welcome to call me mum. It was just very unexpected and I'm very grateful she thinks of me as a mum. It just came as a bit of a surprise, but a lovely one. I'm very flattered that anyone other than my kids think I'm worthy of having that title. I've read so many awful stories on here of awful MIL's I'm secretly very excited that she's chosen to stay with us until she's due too, which means I can make sure she's well looked after while DS is at work. That probably sounds pathetic but it's true.

[Mehitabel6]

I would take it as a compliment.

[DrownedReindeer]

To echo what others have said, she has a Mum and I'm sure she knows this so for her to want to call you Mum is - I think - a huge compliment (and congratulations on being the kind of MiL that ladies want to call "Mum").

[Boomtownsurprise]

It might be temporary. She might just be relying on you more than usual if she's feeling nervous and looking to you for advice or knowledge. It might be a way to say thanks without saying anything. I'm not sure id mention it. It may cease as and when she finds her feet in a few months.

[Boomtownsurprise]

Congratulations btw! Sounds rather lovely x

[TheNumberfaker]

Everyone's different but I could never call anyone other than my real mother Mum. It would feel wrong.

[HolyTerror]

Has she only just started doing this? That's quite odd if so, assuming you've previously spent some time together. I have to say that in your shoes it would make me uncomfortable, however complimentary the intention.

But then it has literally never occurred to me to find my 'tactless-and somewhat hectoring-but-well-meaning and basically-a-good-egg' MIL anything like a mother-figure, however close I was to giving birth. She's my husband's mother, for heaven's sake - for her to be mine as well would involve incest!

[Theboodythatrocked]

chiggers your post made me cry.

I held my mils hand as she died while BF her newest granddaughter of 5 weeks. She's called after her.

Lovely fantastic woman taken far far too soon at 64.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Op, If she doesnt have a great relationship with her own mum, its possible she sees in you what she wanted from her own mum, she obviously loves you very much. You've pretty much gained a daughter.

[Theboodythatrocked]

Op pathetic??? No it's lovely and good on you.

[OTheHugeManatee]

It's a cultural thing. It's normal in DH's family and not in mine. He would prefer to be able to call my mum 'Mum', I prefer to call MIL by her name. We manage and no-one is offended. I think saying it's odd or whatever is overstating it.