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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are my friends or are we, and WWYD?

34 replies

passthedouche · 25/12/2014 23:54

We have some friends, known them about 8 months and we get on well with them and all our DCs adore each other. We spend a fair amount of time together but they can be a bit flaky/rude we think and it is getting frustrating. Things like my friend will say on message 'oh we are really missing you guys, it has been too long', I then suggest a plan to meet and she ignores me. This happens a LOT. I have stopped asking as much because of this. Months ago we had a bit of a drunken night and we were talking about Christmas Day (they don't celebrate it) we suggested they should come to us as we have no family here. It wasn't a formal invite or anything just a throwaway remark in Sept and we never mentioned it since. Anyway, last week I asked if they wanted to meet up over Xmas and they said they were free on Boxing Day. We said great, we are going to a restaurant at 12 so they can come with us to that or come back to our place afterwards. No response. I chased them up and still no response. It is now Boxing Day (we are in Oz) and we have no idea if they are coming or not. We think this is really rude, but I can imagine them thinking what's the big deal. They have form for this sort of thing and whilst it is annoying but tolerable on just a playdate type thing, on Boxing Day I think it really takes the piss. I sent yet another message, which I know they have seen, saying I really need to know if they are coming because of food and if they are joining us at the restaurant and no answer.

So am I being too uptight about plans and should just go with the flow a bit more or are they BU? If it is the latter what should i do about it? My DCs adore theirs so it would suck for them if the friendship stopped.

OP posts:
avocadotoast · 26/12/2014 10:38

Just go, have fun, enjoy yourselves. There's no time for flaky friends!

blueballoon79 · 26/12/2014 11:10

I find people who do this really odd!

I had a friend like this. She would always text me or call me saying how much she'd been missing us and really wanted to meet up, so I'd suggest dates and times which would be ignored, or worse agreed to then she'd either cancel last minute or not turn up at all.

I ended up completely cooling off our friendship after her and her entire family didn't turn up to one event which they had told me they would definitely be attending but didn't even text or call to cancel

It left me considerably out of pocket and left my children extremely disappointed. I decided I didn't need people like that in my life.

We've not seen each other for over a year now and it suits me fine.

I hope you enjoy your Boxing Day meal and if I were you I wouldn't be bothering with them again.

Meemoll · 26/12/2014 11:11

I needed to read this OP as I've recently had a similar problems with 2 different friends. I realise they're 'just not that into me' and I'm going to step back as it's really upsetting me waiting around for them when they're clearly not bothered. Glad you had a good lunch.

TooHasty · 26/12/2014 11:17

talk is cheap.
They are the sort of people who just string you along as an insurance policy.

ihatethecold · 26/12/2014 11:39

I usually find that people like your flaky friend are the most popular.
The mind boggles how though.

Ujjayi · 26/12/2014 12:05

Meemoli - do step away. It's very empowering to do so. I used to feel very upset by my "friend" & it is wonderful to not be questioning myself anymore!

TheHatInTheCat · 27/12/2014 00:38

Sorry but I was using your words.
You contacted them again, no response, tried again, no response, sent them a message that you know they received, no response and then you rang them.
That sounds needy to me!!!

CheerfulYank · 27/12/2014 00:43

Ugh, forget them.

I have a friend a bit like this. But we've been friends for years and she comes through more often than she flakes out. It's so frustrating though!

Custardo · 27/12/2014 00:50

Yeah I have realised with on friends I am the gap filler. I feel really stupid because out of our group of friends the others have totally called this bullshit and backs off and I have stood up for her. No text o. Xmas day like I got from my other good friends. I know her kids are now at their dad's and today about 6pm I get text. It's the last straw. I always travel to see her too. In 4 years of friendship she has never been to my house. Am stuck . Feel like a year. We have unconfirmed plans for between Xmas and new year. I am not chasing.

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