to think my family are utter c**ts?

[BubbleGirl01]

I fell with my mother last year due to some quite serious stuff that happened in my childhood and that which I felt I needed to talk to her about. She decided to cut me off totally and my siblings and extended family swiftly followed suit. This has been really hard emotionally for me.

After my mother told me that I was not part of 'her' family anymore I told her not to bother contacting my 4DC then as until she resolved her issues with me. A few months later I sent her an email stating that I was wrong to say that (I was extremely angry at her) and I would facilitate contact with my DC even though she did not want any contact with me for their sakes as they had been asking why we had not seen her for a long while.

That was in May and I got absolutely no response.

A few weeks ago DD said she wanted to send Christmas cards to my family. I was a little bit put out but got over it and told her to do whatever she felt to do.

She contacted my sister on facebook asking for everyone's addresses (very large family, scattered everywhere and I had not kept their addresses). Sister would only give out another sister's address and refused to give her's or my mother's address. When DD asked why she went into a foul mouthed rant saying that it was me pretending to be DD doing this and that I was sick and disgusting. She then blocked DD on facebook.

DD was unperturbed so sent all the cards to other sister with a covering letter saying that it was her that wanted to contact them not me! After the facebook thing, I had told DD to just leave it but she wouldn't.

She is very angry about this too as she was reasonably close to my mother and has just turned 18 (absolutely no birthday wishes from anyone on my side of the family).

Anyone the christmas cards would have arrived at least a week ago. DD put her number on the letter so they could contact her directly and no one has .

TBH I had finally started to get over being cut off and was feeling pretty OK about it (the grief, and it was grief, was lifting) but this has brought it all back again. Not only me being snubbed but my children as well.

Well am I BU?

Exactly Aeroflotgirl . 100% agree. I find those kind of comments really foul and unjustifiable.

Afternoon all,

We've had a few reports about this thread, and think this might be a good time to link to our We Believe You campaign.

And here's a link to the myths surrounding rape and sexual assault that we should all be challenging: www.mumsnet.com/campaigns/we-believe-you-campaign-rape-myths-busted

for you, OP.

It's horribal time, we're not talking about a petty argument, or disagreement, abuse took place on a very young child and op mum not only failed to protect her, but blamed her for it! She wanted answers from her mum, her mum turned on her, like she did as a child. Op cut them out of your life, don't let them near your younger dcs. They don't derseve it!

Just come back to this as been out.

Thank you to those of you who are in my 'corner'. I really appreciate it .

My mother has admitted all that happened to me but it all happened because I was 'spiteful', 'evil', 'filthy' etc and I should just get over it while she still shows favouritism to her children and grandchildren according to who their father's are . It has taken me a long time to accept it really is THEM and not me! When you are told you are evil from an early age by the person you love the most, you really start to believe it.

The thing is as an older woman without the stress of bringing up 8 kids, she had mellowed, although flashes of how she used to be still surface if you disagree with her, and I naive even to think that I could talk to her about this.

I would honestly love to know what she tells people if they ever ask why she does not see me or the DCs anymore, whether she tells them that it was her choice etc. I would love to hear her side tbh!

I was naive enough to think that I could talk to her about this

Made me so sad to read this, just such a sad story.

So I just wanted to wish you a happy Christmas with your loving family members x it sounds like you have a wonderful daughter x

Hello BubblegumGirl,
At the risk of causing further criticism from other posters I wanted to try and explain what I have said.
In your OP you said how your family had all turned against you and how your daughter had been so rudely rebuffed. It's no wonder you were both upset.

You later explained the awful abuse you had suffered as a child, and I have no reason whatever to disbelieve you in this. A close friend of mine suffered in a similar way and I have seen how it affects her whole life, so I have the greatest sympathy with you for what happened.

What I don't understand is why all of the family should hold this against you. If seems difficult to accept that none of them should have stood up for you and spoken up for what you have suffered.
I did, and do, wonder if there is something else that might help to explain their harsh attitude. If there actually is nothing else, then they certainly are a bad bunch and you and your daughter are truly better off being permanently separated from them.

It really is a sad situation, and I do hope that in spite of this you and your daughter can enjoy your Christmas.

Sallying, "What I don't understand is why all of the family should hold this against you. If seems difficult to accept that none of them should have stood up for you and spoken up for what you have suffered.

This is the nature of abuse and the subsequent denial. This denial can and often does encompass all involved but the child victim and abuser.

To be the victim of such abuse and having endured complete ostracisation for her choice to face this, rather than ignore it as they have done, has clearly caused OP great pain.

Please desist from requesting that she explain herself to you. Just accept that you are in the fortunate position of lacking personal experience of the dynamic I have tried to describe.

Bubbles, I hope you don't mind me butting in. As you may have guessed, I have a personal understanding of the situations and conflicts you describe.

I went NC over a decade ago. My P and 'family' do not know my DC and have never made attempt to know them. Given the risk I would consider them to be to my DC, I do think the P are aware I would act in protection of my DC.

It does get easier. I found initially, that there was a tiny, fragile part of me who was so, so sad. Now, I honestly don't think of them often at all.

It sounds as though you and your DC are so much better off, without their toxicity destroying your life. I am so sorry they continue to be so cruel and I hope your dd understands it is no reflection upon her at all. Nor is it a reflection upon you. Some people are just, quite literally, not worth knowing.

What I don't understand is why all of the family should hold this against you. If seems difficult to accept that none of them should have stood up for you and spoken up for what you have suffered.

Very naive because it's not an uncommon thing to happen to some victims where they are turned on instead of the abuser vilified, or some even convinced it didn't happen or they deserved it. It's good in one respect that you can't understand why someone would do that because people find it hard to understand what they would never do, on the other hand it's very naive and comes across questioning.

You are not being unreasonable at all. I'm so sorry you went through any of this.
You are caught in an impossible situation. Because your dm cannot be reasonable.
I would avoid them tbh. I think its best for you and for your DCs.

Sallying, op mum was an abuser, as she has said, she maintains one persona to the rest of the family, and another to op, so of course they believe op mum. Op may have been the only one of her siblings abused, so it is easy to believe tge mum, especially if she is feeding her sisters a pack of lies about op and the situation, as mum is in denial and wishes to brush it under the carpet.

It's not uncommon for one child to be singled out, an actual scapegoat. The other children growing up in the family will have a completely different view of both their parent/s, and their childhood. Any future attempt by the scapegoated child will be met with denial, disbelief, and anger at their 'attempt to sabotage the family'.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, OP. I've no words of wisdom, and nothing can change your family, but you should be very proud of your DD, and yourself

Of course you are not BU. None of them are worth it. Your DD sounds lovely and has done her best. In any case do you want such poisonous people in your life or hers. There sometimes isn't any logic to this utter nasty behaviour in families.