to pull him up on this

[prettywoman35]

background. I am sahm to 3dc including toddler. I obv do all night wakings etc and pretty much everything during the week as dh has a long commute and is rarely home before 7pm. We have been without a dishwasher and washing machine for the last month. I have got by handwashing essentisls etc but there is a huge backlog due to dc being poorly with d and v.New washing machine delivered today
dh puts in 12 hour days so does work hard.
Anyway I am feeling a little pissed off at the moment. Yesterday I made a 5 hour round trip with dc to visit brother. Dh worked from home. So we both got up at same time but dh was happily ensconsed in front of tv when I returned 2 hours after him with 3 tired dc. Dh had cooked for himself but didn't even take last mug into kitchen. I was rushing around taking out rubbish and washing up and putting dc to bed whilst he was slumped in front of tv as he was sooo tired as per usual.
So today washing machine arrived at 12. I managed to wash two loads and put a third in. By this point we were running out of drying room so the 3rd wash was going to be tumble dried once I took out excess.
Dh came home early so I could do Christmas supermarket shop without dc. Whilst I was there washing fininshed so I took extra bits out at put tumble dryer on.
Dh already had the hump as I had apparrently brought too much food. When he heard the tumble dryer going he said " I thought the washing had finished"
I foolishly just explained why. Only afterwards did I think if he knew it was finished why the heck did he not sort it.
Aibu to pull him up about this tomorrow. He has now gone to bed.
sorry long

It's too near Christmas to be starting a full on go at him - which is, IMO, exactly what he deserves. Save it till after when you're not quite so mad with him and try to talk it through rather than actually tear him a new one - tempting though that may be!

If you pull him up on not doing that job specifically it kind of looks as though you're spoiling for a fight, even though he does sound as though he needs a good kick up the arse for leaving everything to you.

Like Double says, try not to let it get to you too much and take it up with him after Christmas, which can be stressful regardless of who you're with/what they're like.

You've got a new washer! What more do you want??

thank you. I think I will bide my time but things do need to change.

Sounds like everyone is tired and stressed. Say to him that whilst you accept he works long hours, so do you as you keep everything going in his absence. I think he needs a reminder of what needs doing at home and that neither of you get to sit down until the chores are done. He does need a gentle kick which can turn into a bigger kick should he not respond accordingly!

not at all unreasonable.

There are going to be days when he comes in knackered after a long day, and those days you are happy to support him sorting the kids cooking dinner etc...

There will be days when you're equally knackered, or when your week has been long, you're just not feeling it etc,

Why should you not expect support in return, it is a partnership afterall.

"pull him up about it" - is it a partnership or are you his mum?

You want him to wash up, leave him to wash up, same with the washing. Sounds like you facilitate his behaviour - by just doing everything and then complaining about it. Nothing will change if life bobbles along merrily.

With the washing I always do mine and the dcs things 1st. I had about 6 loads to do due to washing machine and d and v. He does occassionally do a wash when he runs out of his things. His clothes will be the last load when I have caught up.
Also judgemental inlaws ard coming tomorrow so now is not the time to leave him to it.
Incidentally he will be home before me today too so I am going to have to ask him to do it. Otherwise it won't get done.

Have you thought of getting a white board [ I swear by ours] in the kitchen and just write up all the [non regular] tasks that need doing and when he gets home early get him into the habit of doing a few of the tasks on it.

If he says 'I'm tired and need a rest' then say 'yeah me too. I got three hours sleep last night and haven't stopped since 6am. Wanna swap?'

Id wait until the new year & sit down with him & as a couple go over the chores that need doing & how you can both make each others lives easier by both of you chipping in & doing the chores.

I think by 'pulling him up' he will see that as you having a go & it will cause an arguement.

If in a few months he isn't pulling his weight I would LTB.

Think maybe a family type conference is needed as the 9 and 7 year old could do more too.