"Media centre" ffs.

[BubblegumBrigade]

Packing up to spend Christmas with my PILwhom I do generally like and get on with.

BUT, I am already in an irrational rage about three things:

1, They took out their table from the dining room a few years ago and put their television in there with two chairs facing it. There are book shelves lining the walls. The stereo is in the living room. This is all fine, except they insist on calling this shabby, cramped little room with a telly in it The Media Centre, in a very smug sort of way. Each time they say it I want to scream at the ridiculousness of it.

1. They will produce something completely ordinary for lunchtimes (such as cheese with those part-baked baguettes that you finish off in the oven) and then go ON AND ON for the whole meal about them, as though they were caviar encrusted venison steaks. "I must say, it's lovely to have warm bread. It's lovely, isn't it? Isn't it lovely everyone? I do love warm bread." (DP and I always cook the dinners btw, and I am very grateful for the lunches. I just don't want to be required to have an orgasm over perfectly unremarkable fare)

1. They insist on cloth napkins for every meal. Fine, no problem with this. The thing is, they only have one cloth napkin per person, so we are expected to wipe our hands and mouths with it and then store it inside the napkin ring for the next meal. This continues for at least four days. It makes me heave, especially as we have under eights, who turn napkins into a Pollockesque mess after a single meal. We are not allowed to use kitchen roll instead as it is "common".

I am not being unreasonable in finding any of these things entirely maddening, am I? I intend to be nothing but gracious and grateful and enjoy their company, of course, but I need to know that I am entirely justified in having an internal NOITSALLWRONGANDTERRIBLEAREYOUMAD alarm about these things. DP thinks I should just be able to let it wash over me as mild pretentions/eccentricities, and feels I am U to become so riled.

My parents do the whole cloth napkin thing. When I got my own place the most important thing for me to acquire was a set of napkin rings, apparently.

I am so glad that I am local enough to them that I never have to actually stay because I think I would completely lose it if I did.

They sound sweet and like my parents who also have linen napkins and napkin rings (but no media centre yet...)

1. "Telly room"? "Den?" "Lounge?" "Multi-media deluxe cinema experience enclosure?" Figure out what they would find most annoying, and all of you call the Media Centre that. Try to make sure you say it at least as often as they say Media Centre. This then becomes a fun game and not annoying at all (for you).

1. Again make this a game by trying to outdo them with ridiculous praise, e.g. "Oh what a divine sandwich, I just LOVE the way the crisp, flakey crust of the bread gives way between my teeth to the warm, soft, moist inside! Gosh it makes me just want to push my tongue in there and close my eyes and just SAVOUR... EVERY... DELICIOUS... BITE... (Then go a bit red and excuse yourself to go to the loo for a minute.)

1. Merrily start handwashing the napkins in the kitchen sink because they're dirty, then hang them outside on the line to dry. Then act all surprised when they're still wet at the next meal time, say "oh yes, I washed them because they were getting very dirty, where are the clean ones?"

Hope you survive! Luckily my PIL have no pretentions at all...

Hahaha at media centre. Just enjoy that one, it's an extra present that you can enjoy for years.

Number 2 you should turn into a private sweepstake with your dh (bet on how many times they say 'lovely)

Number 3 I would take the paper napkins and insist on using them as well to 'save' the others from getting marked. If your mil is anything like my mother (and I have a sneaking suspicion that she is) then this will be appreciated.

I do actually secretly wash the napkins when I can get away with it. I make a big to-do about what mucky pups the DC are, and how I'm forever having to put a load of their clothes in to stop them looking like street urchins. I then furtively grab the food and spit encrusted napkins from their place on the sideboard and shove them in too. Then there's a tense wait for the load towash and dry so I can sneak them back into their napkin rings without detection.

Honestly, Christmas is a fucking riot round our way, I'm telling you. (I do love them really)

I have tried the overly effusive praise of the part-baked baguettes, Catsofa, but this only extends the hysteria over the lavishness of the spread.

media centre!, love it.

We are not allowed to use kitchen roll instead as it is "common"

I adore the Media Centre. DH would like one too. He could keep his 'device' tablet in it.

So buy the poor folk some new napkins?

I would be presenting them with a lovely gift of linen napkins. Every year.

The lunch thing would annoy me but the hysterical Media Centre would make up for it. I might see if I could find done media centre related gifts..

The unwashed napkins are ideologically rather then financially driven, Fred. A new set of napkins would not mean that I'd get a fresh one each meal, simply that I'd be be allowed to use it four days in a row on my next visit.

Oh yes! Buy them a set of napkins, perfectly PA gift material there, but they're practical so they can't complain. Make up some story about how they are 1000 count thread.

What the fuck kind of ideology IS that?

YANBU! This is exactly the kind of thing that drives me nuts with ILs. It may not matter, it's the sheer wrongness of it and needing someone to agree with you about how mad it is.

If you have DP on side it's a lot easier. My DP has it easy in a way, in that my mum is SO awful, both he and I feel the same about her so we can be outraged together. His mum, OTOH, is really nice, but maddening in various ways that like yours, he thinks I should just not worry about.

I hate the food thing. Practically everything MIL cooks is an M&S ready meal, but we are still required to find it the most delicious thing ever and swoon over it. She will cook and then if we haven't been sufficiently swooning, she'll say loudly and huffily "Well I thought that was DELICIOUS!!!" which is your order cue to go "Oh yes yes MIL, absolutely amazing, yum yum!"

And don't get me started on bloody stupid allocation of rooms. "Media centre" omg I would have to strangle someone.

Also I think no one could disagree with you on the napkins. Boak!

Chortling at the whole purpose of the media centre is to watch Mama Mia! Please tell me that they only have the one dvd, that's tickled me more than the name!

I'm a linen napkins person : always have been
BUT
I have masses so they get changed regularly, especially for children and every adult has a unique napkin ring.
TBH the way round it is to "accidentally" plonk the napkin into a water glass at the end of the meal, or the gravy boat, or just blow a nose on it
sorry, thought it was a posh hankie

I want a Media Centre now! I have a vision of two of those sunflower patterned garden loungers facing an old TV with the 'dvd' player taking pride of place underneath.

Bit grim on the linen situation - could you buy an identical set & swap them over without pils noticing?

I think having young DC is a good excuse to take a heaving pile of muslins, hankies and wet-wipe type things and have them with you at all times. What are they going to do, confiscate them? I would not wipe my child's hands with a 4-day-old turkey-encrusted linen napkin for anyone.

The kind of ideology that demands everyone participates in a mass delusion that we are in an episode of Downton Abbey while sitting with a bit of polycotton caked in masticated food draped over our laps, Bertie.

Toots that's a fine idea!

OP stealth napkin replacement.

Would the Downtown people had a Media Centre though..?

They don't just have a DVD of Mama Mia, Jiminy. They also have Slumdog Millionaire and a box set of Morse.

I have a non-relative coming for Christmas day. I am producing family bingo cards and she and I are going to play bingo. It should take the edge of some of the annoyances.

So BIL telling me how he would have cooked the carrots will just be a tick in a box on my bingo card, rather than a reason to make him wear the carrots.

You should try it!

This is the thread that keeps on giving! Will you be treated to a viewing in the media centre? Will you have to sit on the floor? !

Brilliant. 'The media centre', just brilliant.