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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at BIL blase approach to contraception

21 replies

BreakingDad77 · 22/12/2014 15:07

BIL has been with a woman for about 6 months, she has had kids already but they are with another guardian.

Paraphrasing;
BIL 'she has done couple test and think she could be - yeah so we going for blood test monday'
BD77 - 'So did she say she was on the pill and wasn't/ or you not use protection?
BIL 'well you know kinda both our fault, have told her I'm not ready

He's in 30's and already very flaky to his current daughter, separated from mother, they hadn't had any chats about kids etc yet no biggie to take the chance!

why why why dont guys bag it if they don't want kids! Angry

OP posts:
RabidZombie · 22/12/2014 15:10

YANBU

LadyLuck10 · 22/12/2014 15:25

Yanbu, the sound like irresponsible idiots who have no care In the world about creating children all over the place.Those poor kids.

naty1 · 22/12/2014 15:25

Why waste gps time with a blood test?
Even ivf clinics dont bother.
I certainly have very little sympathy except for the poor child/ren.
Sounds like she wanted another to keep or because not taking responsibilty for any isnt worried about an extra.

Topaz25 · 22/12/2014 16:12

YANBU, it's a worrying situation if they aren't taking responsibility for their existing children and they don't seem to be taking it seriously. Why are her children with another guardian? Are there any child protection concerns?

DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 16:28

My husbands friend is like this Angry

fairgame · 22/12/2014 16:33

My 28yo DB is like this. He 'doesn't believe in contraception' - his irresponsible words, not mine.
He has 3 children but doesn't really enjoy being a father. Luckily SIL is responsible and has the implant.
I dread to think of the nasties he might have spread about over the years.

Original poster
BreakingDad77 · 22/12/2014 16:41

Hes one of those previously on and off benefits, working cash in hand, lies about everything, previously bit of dealing (not cards!) too to supplement it.

Has gotten a full time job (so he says) which is good but still never has phone credit but does have expensive hobbies, watches sky pay per view events etc.

I think she had some sort of breakdown after being assaulted, not by partner though.

OP posts:
naty1 · 22/12/2014 16:43

Fairgame i was going to say the same about stds. Surely condoms for a few months as minimum?
If you have unprotected sex with every 6m relationship that adds up to a lot of people and when youre really having sex with every person theyve had unprotected sex with... Urgh!!

Jessicahyde85 · 22/12/2014 16:52

Some people are just feckless like this, yanbu, however, its his ding dong and he can do with it as he wishes!

Original poster
BreakingDad77 · 22/12/2014 16:59

Thinking about it we had a preggie scare with his last GF as well.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 22/12/2014 17:28

How is it your business?

AuntieStella · 22/12/2014 17:34

It is of course possible that he is just giving a shrug answer with the intention of getting you to drop the subject as it is none of your business.

He's said both of them were at fault, but did not say why. I don't see why that rules out genuine contraception failure, nor why that is connected to his income.

DisneyDivaWoo · 22/12/2014 17:54

My husbands friend likes to brag that they aren't using protection, maybe Op goes through the same thing?

Topaz25 · 22/12/2014 18:34

Andrewofgg

It's the OP's business because if a child results they will be related to the child and concerned about their wellbeing. They might even be expected to look after the child if the parents were unable to. And what if there are child protection reasons that the woman's previous children were removed? A child's welfare should be everyone's business.

Andrewofgg · 22/12/2014 18:43

Yes, OK, Topaz, it is in some wider sense the OP's business.

But not "everyone's".

And her BIL chooses to ride bareback with a woman whose previous kids were removed - which is not what the OP said - there's not a whole lot anyone, including the OP, can do about it, is there?

starfishmummy · 22/12/2014 18:46

His and his partners business. Sounds like she was blasé too

Original poster
BreakingDad77 · 02/01/2015 09:00

Update, well they have been to docs and she is, we still waiting to see if they are going to keep it. Have also found she can only visit her existing kids via contact centre. So I am assuming that doesn't bode well should the keep this one?

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 02/01/2015 09:10

Sell his story to the Daily Mail

TheLovelyBoots · 02/01/2015 09:15

What a twat.

Andrew, isn't it possible that people like this might reconsider if they met with some familial disapproval? I can't imagine whose business it is if not a (close) BIL.

Original poster
BreakingDad77 · 02/01/2015 10:19

DW did have younger siblings taken into care as her and brothers new dad was abusive (jailed). DW and bro went to live with natural father.

DW wouldn't want to see them go into care, I would be happy to support her in this.

OP posts:
paxtecum · 02/01/2015 12:42

I am aware that my view may be old fashioned, but as it is the woman who is 'left holding the baby' then surely the woman is ultimately responsible for the consequences of unprotected sex.
They are both being irresponsible.

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