To expect DPs to spend (roughly) the same on my DCs?

[WaityCakey]

Hi

So... took delivery of Christmas presents off my parents today for dd 4 and ds 2.

DDs is something dd will really love and cost £20. They have also given DD a 2nd something - I can't make out what, maybe a book.

I wasn't asked for any suggestions for DS (they didn't ask for DD, I just asked my mum if something DD had asked for would be suitable to come from DPs) so had no idea what they might have got him. But DH said when we got home "what's this they've got DS, it feels like one of those £10 blah-blahs".

I opened up DS' gift and it is indeed a £10 toy grossly unsuitable for his age and will need to be put in the loft until he's older.

This has made me feel really awful and so sad for DS. I just have idea why DPs would have done this.

I have never known them to spend £10 on their DCs before. This is NOT about the actual money, it's about fairness. TBH it wouldn't bother me quite so much if the £10 had gone to buy something that ds would really, really love.

I do have several theories as to how/why this might have happened. But don't want to go in to too much detail on here. But either way, I find it really hurtful that they've spent more than double on dd than ds, and got her a totally unnecessary 2nd gift.

What do I do? I kind of want to address it. Because I want them to know it's hurtful. And I'd like to understand why. But then I don't want to cause a fuss when it's not worth it. They do have a bit to worry about right now.

Shall I just say "oooh... I noticed I've got 2 presents here for dd, but 1 for ds... I just wanted to check I'm not missing something?"

AIBU???

[26Point2Miles]

Why are your kids having meltdowns? Don't you explain it to them well enough? Or are they just used to getting their own way?

[usualsuspect333]

At least I'm consistent and keep the same name.

Merry Christmas, Rabbit whoever you are

[myotherusernameisbetter]

is it possible that the buyer (your father?) saw the picture of the finished article on the box and thought your son would like it without necessarily realising it needed built? or thought it was for the parent to build rather than something the child would be expected to do? Or maybe it's just been a while since he bought childrens presents and doesn't really have a clue?

It sound to me that maybe he thought it would be something your son might love and wasn't considering the cost.

[WhyYouGottaBeSoRude]

At 2 and 4 kids dont have the foggiest how much a toy costs. Unless the parents make them aware of it which is cruel imo.

[PrimalLass]

Would you open a present your parents had bought before you gave it to your DCs then. Primal?

No, they would always ask me what to get. I might have a peek though if it was to go under the tree. It's not controlling in a negative was to try and avoid a 2-year-old getting upset on Christmas day.

[ItIsSmallerOnTheOutside]

I see why you're worried if it's happened before with your dd getting a special 1st birthday present, but I really wouldn't over analyse too much into it. If it happens again that your dd gets a 'better' gift than ds maybe do point it out but for now I'd leave it definitely.

I'm guessing your dd was their first grandchild which might be why they got her a special gift for her first birthday, and the Christmas thing this year I think is just a mistake/ not really something much thought went into.

It sounds like there's more going on in the family as you said your dad will probably be getting all presents in future, not your mum who wouldn't have done this.. Maybe they have a lot to think about right now?

If your ds really will be upset maybe let him play with it supervised like Worral suggested so he gets to enjoy it.

[CombineBananaFister]

I have never compared monetary value before but surely it would be hurtful if you knew it was because one was more important than the other in their eyes, not sure if this is the case (history and not such a young age not to notice unlike ops )

Not controlling but we also vet everything Auntie Joyce sends from her facility because they really are inappropriate but that is the nature of her condition AND we never mind because the thought is there even if it is a bottle opener for a 4 yr old that plays jingle bells

[TalkinPeace]

STOP looking at what other people choose to give your children

DO NOT take their presents away and put them in the loft : you do not necessarily know better

find important things to stress about

[RabbitIssue]

Good point Usual

[WorraLiberty]

I don't think Usual is saying anything different to what a lot of people have said, so I'm not sure why she's getting flack?

Either way, I'm reminded of the big loader truck that went round a track and tipped a load of tiny balls into another truck...anyone remember that?

I have no idea what age it was for but my parents used to sit there and supervise, so that we didn't swallow the balls.

I'm sure 1000s of parents did the same.

Anyway, with 5 kids in the house growing up, how were my parents going to keep all the toys apart and make sure we only stuck to the age range on the box?

[RabbitIssue]

And, speaking of wine, I'm currently drinking this chocolate wine, ye gods it's ace!! Merry Christmas and wine to you too (but no nicking my chocolate stuff!!)

[Redglitter]

He's 2 and you think he'll notice the difference

Bet he doesn't

[Artandco]

A construction set sounds great for a 3 year old. I would give one to my 3 year old and just remind him not to put things in mouth. If he did I would only let him use with my help

Does it really matter if they have duplicate toys? Let them play for a while, then donate extra if they really don't play with spare

[WaityCakey]

Thank you itissmaller.

I think other stuff going on the family is probably clouding my judgement.

[usualsuspect333]

It's ok Worra,you haven't arrived on MN until you have a hater.

[Bootoyou2]

www.ebay.com/itm/Vintage-TOMY-Big-Loader-Construction-Set-from-1970s-with-Box-/261702972587

This Worra? Was awesome!

[Mammanat222]

Wow MN really does go bonkers at Christmas.

I did actually snort at the notion of the OP taking away unsuitable presents and duplicates. I am guessing this means she opens allof her kids presents (otherwise how would she know they were unsuitable / duplicate?)

Most bizarre and OP must have some seriously clueless friends and family if unsuitable gifts are such a common occurrence.

[MsMarvel]

Why are you 'taking' any of the toys away from your children? That's obviously going to get them upset. So what if he can't play with it how it's meant to be played, would it kill you to open it 'play' with it with him,and then when he undoubtedly gets bored of it, you can hide it away. Why be so dramatic?

[WorraLiberty]

Oh don't I know it Usual

Yaaay! That's the one Bootoyou2. We had so much fun with that

[MyFirstName]

Waity try and put a positive spin on this. Maybe it was your Dad who bought this gift and not your mum? So he doesn't know the "rules". He just saw something he would like to get his grandson. It may not be age-appropriate (yet) or of the same monetary value. But the fact that it was chosen for your DS is the important thing.

I may be projecting here. My mum mostly did all the present buying when my sister and I were growing up. And very much did/does the keeping things equal monetary wide (drives me a bit bonkers but hey) I think that is a generation thing - or maybe that money was tight and it was more to limit how much was spent so as not to break the household budget. Anyway, one year mum called me. She said that my DS's present from them was smaller (££) wise than normal but that my dad had seen something and bought it especially for him. Like you it was not age appropriate (a 6+ Meccano set for a 3yo) but Dad never did present buying so Mum didn't want to piss on his bonfire.

Now, every time my dad sees my (now) 6yo son they get out the Meccano. DS and DF have played with it together since that Christmas - OK the first year or so it was largely Dad making stuff with DS's help.

Change your mindset. Have nice thoughts. It maybe age-inappropriate. It maybe sexist (a bug bear of mine, but a whole different thread) It maybe monetarily "unfair". But you know what? It may not be. It may be a vision of your parents. Your dad. It maybe love in a small package of construction.

Have a Happy Christmas. Let your son open it. Tell you parents he will love it - he may need some help to get the most of it now, but a fantastic gift. Thank them. Do not tell them it is going into the loft.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

Most bizarre and OP must have some seriously clueless friends and family if unsuitable gifts are such a common occurrence.

We have a huge family and my boys are now 14 and 13 and the worst I've had to contend with is a board game they already had and some t-shirts that were too small (age on the label was right age for them but the gifter failed to account for their amazonian proportions!)

[Pico2]

I think that the issue must be the backstory. You'll never get a load of MNetters to agree that you are being perfectly reasonable on the basis of the other stuff that you haven't said.

[WaityCakey]

That's lovely MyFirstName. Thank you. Will do that.

Merry Christmas.



Pico2 I wasn't trying to get a load of MNetters to agree that I'm being reasonable. I was genuinely in need of some perspective from other people. I got it and am grateful. I can't stand those posts which ask a question but the poster is clearly just after people to agree with them.

[Morloth]

I am trying to imagine the scene where I take one of my kids Christmas presents away because it was a duplicate/unsuitable. It isn't pretty.

Why would you DO that?!

And ebay can fuck off with the 'vintage' .

[Iggly]

You can let him see the toy then remove at a later time. Instead of snatching away there and then. I've done this with my two DCs - they don't mind (5&3)