To expect DPs to spend (roughly) the same on my DCs?

[WaityCakey]

Hi

So... took delivery of Christmas presents off my parents today for dd 4 and ds 2.

DDs is something dd will really love and cost £20. They have also given DD a 2nd something - I can't make out what, maybe a book.

I wasn't asked for any suggestions for DS (they didn't ask for DD, I just asked my mum if something DD had asked for would be suitable to come from DPs) so had no idea what they might have got him. But DH said when we got home "what's this they've got DS, it feels like one of those £10 blah-blahs".

I opened up DS' gift and it is indeed a £10 toy grossly unsuitable for his age and will need to be put in the loft until he's older.

This has made me feel really awful and so sad for DS. I just have idea why DPs would have done this.

I have never known them to spend £10 on their DCs before. This is NOT about the actual money, it's about fairness. TBH it wouldn't bother me quite so much if the £10 had gone to buy something that ds would really, really love.

I do have several theories as to how/why this might have happened. But don't want to go in to too much detail on here. But either way, I find it really hurtful that they've spent more than double on dd than ds, and got her a totally unnecessary 2nd gift.

What do I do? I kind of want to address it. Because I want them to know it's hurtful. And I'd like to understand why. But then I don't want to cause a fuss when it's not worth it. They do have a bit to worry about right now.

Shall I just say "oooh... I noticed I've got 2 presents here for dd, but 1 for ds... I just wanted to check I'm not missing something?"

AIBU???

[WoodliceCollection]

My 'hilarious' story of inappropriate presents is that ex parents in law once got dd1 a Playboy branded handbag- she was 3.

[26Point2Miles]

Op you sound grabby.... You say it's not about money but it absolutely is

I also can't believe you opened it

[CombineBananaFister]

I never do the monetary value comparison thing ever, there lies the road to madness. Different age groups need different things at very different prices

To me it's more about the thought and effort. don't know if there's history but if they meant well and got it wrong then get over it. If they got a totally inappropriate gift because they couldn't give a shit - totally different. Only you'll know at such a young age though he won't car. it mad opening gifts though to check ?!? unless they have form for it and you were worried ??

[usualsuspect333]

I would never peek at the presents bought by others for my children.Or take them back and replace them

That seems a bit controlling imo.

[WaityCakey]

Ha ha whyyougottabesorude - I don't mean I had the meltdown!!! I mean DCs have got upset before, (they're still small) when presents have to be taken away because of duplication, or unsuitability. I do stand by this method - I think of it as organised rather than controlling!!

[PrimalLass]

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Sun 21-Dec-14 20:52:00
You sound very controlling.
___

Bollocks.

[usualsuspect333]

What was the present?

[WaityCakey]

Combine yes, it's the concern about the lack of thought, because it is so unsuitable I can't really see the logic. And the fact that ordinarily, mum would have made sure they both have 'the same' and that this thought clearly hasn't been applied in this instance.

[magpieginglebells]

I'm another one curious about what the present is.

[SavoyCabbage]

It sounds like you are used to comparing what you have been given with what your siblings have been given. Perhaps your dp's family have never done that so it hasn't crossed their minds.

I really think you are giving it too much thought.

[royaldavescity]

How on earth could your DH know what a wrapped present cost? And then you unwrapped it? You both sound a bit unpleasant tbh.

[usualsuspect333]

I think its controlling if you open presents before your DCs so you can decide if they are suitable or not.


I've never heard the like.

[WhyYouGottaBeSoRude]

Yep still sounds controlling. And im not the only one to think it.

[WaityCakey]

Savoy it's my parents, not DPs.

Toy is a construction type thing with tiny nuts and bolts and screwdriver.

It comes in very identifiable packaging. It was completely obvious when picking it up. We'd just seen the same things in the same shop DPs went shopping a couple of weeks ago.

[WaityCakey]

Yes usualsuspects I control my 4yo and 2yo lives. Shock horror. . That's not what I was asking for opinions on. Thanks for yours though.

[WorraLiberty]

If he's nearly 3, can he not use it under supervision?

You don't even have to keep it in his bedroom, you could keep it on top of your wardrobe.

[Morloth]

Nope controlling.

I would remove something dangerous but not a duplicate or 'unsuitable' toy if they were enjoying it.

I think you have rather proved WorraLiberty's point actually about raising children who do math over presents.

[usualsuspect333]

Always happy to give my opinion when someone asks for it.

[Morloth]

So you sit and construct it with him and keep an eye on him when he is playing with it.

[pudcat]

Perhaps your husband can make something out of the construction kit that your son can then play with. You cannot control what people buy as presents - you can make suggestions, or ask how much your parents want to spend and and then buy it for them.

[PrimalLass]

Then I control what each set of GPs get my kids for Christmas. There's no point in them wasting money.

[NurseRoscoe]

To be honest I wouldn't mind people spending less on my youngest as he's 18 months old and would be as happy with a Yorkshire pudding as something that costs £50. It doesn't matter if the child isn't going to notice or care in my opinion

[usualsuspect333]

Would you open a present your parents had bought before you gave it to your DCs then. Primal?

[RabbitIssue]

Usual - and to be fair even when they don't if the posts mention money, schooling, children's names, possible entitlement, there you are!

It's dull to be an inverse snob all the time surely?

[DaisyFlowerChain]

I've never opened DS's presents and vetted them before handing them over.

If the item is a little too old either use with supervision or save until when he's older and needs older toys.

I do think the same amount should be spent on them but appreciate I'm in the majority when it comes to equal spending on children as most seem to spend more on the older children whilst the younger ones get less and more second hand from older siblings.