To be fed up about the fact that I have to think for everyone in this house?

[Lucciana]

Hopefully the title is self explanatory!

I am just sick of having to think for everyone. DH will do things if asked, but never ever thinks for himself; he forgets where things are and asks me things all the time so half the time it's easier to do things myself.

Every afternoon and evening during the week our routine is the same; tea, clean up kitchen, homework/reading, bathtime, bedtime, get stuff ready for the next day. Every sodding day I have to instigate each of these things as if I leave it to DH he just sits in the chair!

I have to organise and remember everything; school dress up days, activities for the kids, party presents and taking kids to parties.

It never seems to occur to DH that things like food shopping need to be done; he never thinks in advance, and if I ask him to cook tea he asks me what to cook, and how to cook it, plus it would never occur to him to go to the shop to get ingredients for a meal. It would be nice if just occasionally he would suggest a meal idea; I get fed up with all the planning/food shopping.

Does anyone else feel the same?

Sorry to be That Person, but what the hell attracted you to these princes so strongly that you live together, married and had multiple children with people who clearly see women as some kind of contemptible sub-species?

There's really nothing you can do unless you want to go down the dreary route of 'praising', reminding, 'nagging' and cheering on these misogynists for the rest of your lives. Be aware that you're showing your children what relationships are about (or not, in this case) and they won't thank you when they're adults. Having a penis does not render the owner blind to menial tasks, there are plenty of civilised fully functioning men who would be offended by such beliefs.

The sole purpose of a relationship is that it's meant to be fun, it's meant to enhance your life, you only get one life.

I share the general condemnation with one caveat. I know a couple of wives who effectively "oversee" their DHs when they are doing chores (and offer "helpful advice" by way of running commentary). If they are not available to oversee, they tend to redo/adjust the job done by their DHs. Must drive the men spare (and sometimes to sloth).

I don't like the way my DH stacks the dishwasher or folds clothes but am of the opinion that it's none of my business how the job gets done if it gets done.

Well my DH is generally pretty good about doing his share. If a task is on his radar then he'll crack on with it. But laundry is his blind spot (and in revenge, I refuse to clean out the wheelie bin, although I do unblock the drains). My main query is why he chooses the last possible moment to tell me that he's running out of something, instead of letting me know in a more timely fashion.

I have not got a "shit husband" (smug) but only as he is now an ex

quite frankly, I did not know what he would turn out like until we were married and living together. I did no know what he would belike as a father until we had a child. the second child Ihad because I wanted the second child, knowing that I would be fully responsiblefor raising him/her. ex does pay though so not all bad, just disorganised.

Ooh I actually couldn't live with a man as bad as some of the ones described here. Dh is not bad. He has always been a very hands on dad. Likes to cook and does his fair share. However he used to rely on my brain too much and constantly ask me what should go on a shopping list or what was for tea or what needed doing etc. The thing that improved that the most was me starting a weekend job. We usually did a big food shop at the weekend, so he had do it on his own and had to think about what to put on the list and I showed him how to meal plan for the week etc. He made sure he had tea sorted for when I got home etc. That a load of washing had been put on. Because there was no way on god's earth I was going to do that after working all day if he'd been at home. So if he didn't do it, there was no tea. No food in the fridge, even. No clean clothes for him to wear to work the next day.

Just don't enable the helplessness, people. If they are generally willing then train them. If they are generally unwilling then divorce them.

Sounds oddly like my house op! DH was home all day yesterday and it took him till mid afternoon that DD hadn't had lunch when he was the one who made lunch (I had told him he had to do it because I was cooking for 7 people in the evening so certainly wasn't sorting his lunch too) all organisation and housework gets left to me, it simply doesn't get done if I don't do it, his family still wouldn't have Xmas presents had I not ordered them and even they are only really token gifts he was meant to have ordered them all something else too grumble. I also resorted to ordering my own Xmas card on his credit card this year, if anything the longer we're together the worse he gets, and he just expects me to pick up the slack! Can't even give him cards and stand and trust him to write them out and post them, then it's me that ends up looking bad for it not happening...

My name is ApocalypseNowt a.k.a Finder of Things.

What really annoys me is on the very rare occasion that I lose something it will stay lost until I find it. I need another one of me so i can just cast a cursory glance round then whine I can't fiiiiiiind it and have second me tell me where it is.

Me too . DH asked me 5 mins before he was going to work if he had any clean shirts. Yes, they are in the washing machine, where they have been since Monday... He went out in a dirty shirt.

He used to do 50% of the work, until we moved. Then he decided that because his working hours were increased, he wasn't go to do anything at home. Thing is, he didn't mention it to me. 3 years ago I was seriously ill and I dropped all the extra I was doing. Trouble is he hasn't picked it up, and no kidding the house is a shithole . I have neither the time nor the energy to sort it.

Yes there are a lot of shit husbands being described here. and an awful lot of competitive martyrs too

Well I'm very glad I'm single! (Not that I do men anyway!) as others have said, why the hell do you put up with it! No way, they're adults, let them sort themselves out - if they sink, they've only themselves to blame

YANBU!!!!
My DH can't even find anything in the fridge (a space of, ooooh... maybe 50cm x 120cm without calling out for me to help him)
The "training" is ongoing and painful ;-)

Me and DH split up the chores for the most part. He works while I'm at home so I have the time to do more house stuff, so he gets cooking and baby night shift duty. But while I worked full time and he had less hours he did most of the work and the house looked better than it does with me keeping it up.

The only time I refuse to do laundry is if I think he's asking in a demanding sort of way. Then I direct him to the machine and tell him to figure it out. Really, it's water and soap, the temps aren't going to mess it up if he gets it wrong. Then we're back to a few months of polite requests. I do favors because I love him, not because I'm obligated.

Mine doesn't write down his shifts from work because "I know you'll do it"

I do have access to them and I do write them down - but this is as a direct result of him forgetting can't be bothered and needing to get childcare sorted out. I will not put up with the stunts he used to try and pull and tell him to do stuff now.

He never used to be like this - was far tidier than me when we met/married but since DC1 arrived appears to have regressed into a teenager who has to be forced to do "chores". We've been to the brink though and he knows I will walk if I have to.

I think it helps if each have their own jobs - eg husband might always do all the food shopping and cooking so you don't have to think about it. Or he does all washing and putting it away and you cook and he washes up. My parents always split bed time - one did the youngest child bath, story bed etc and the other we two girls, just about every night. Once you have your divided tasks you tend to remember them.

We were both similar in terms of tidiness and working hard and domestically so it was never an issue here and both feminists of course which always works well.