To give up breastfeeding so I can spend more time with my toddler?

[Stripylikeatiger]

My baby wants to breastfeed all the time, it's constant, day and night. I'm lucky if I get 20 minutes between feeds. I was leaving it longer between feeds but he would get upset and then go to sleep, he wasn't gaining weight fast enough so it seems he is just a slow feeder.

My first child fed really efficiently, i was never stuck to the sofa feeding him so this is quite a surprise.

The problem is I feel terrible about my toddler, he goes to nursery 3 days a week and dp is home in the evenings and weekends but the 2 days he's with me and the baby we just sit and watch tv or I try to chat to him whilst he plays alone but that doesn't work so well, the baby is fussy about the position he's fed in so I can't feed in a sling or walk around feeding (things I did with dc1)

Aibu to think that the negatives for my toddler outweigh the positives the baby is getting from breastfeeding? The baby won't remember (or care) how he was fed but the toddler might remember days sat watching tv (he seems quite happy to watch tv so maybe he won't mind.)

If the baby was my only child I'd quite happily spend every day and night feeding him but I'm struggling with the balancing act of having 2 dc with desperate very different needs.

Has anyone given up breastfeeding for similar reasons? Was it the right thing to do?

6 weeks is a growth spurt time which encourages cluster feeding to build up the supply, so that might be having an effect. With many babies, it gets easier from about 8 weeks.

C Beebies was a key feature of our lives in the early days. Not helped by the SPD claiming squatters rights, severely limiting what I could do.

Another one saying tongue tie. Combination of frequent feeds, going to sleep and not gaining weight without frequent feeds, and fussy about position really do point to tongue tie.

DD had tongue tie and was like you describe - she was also very slow and inefficient on a bottle.

Of course if you want to stop you should stop, not saying you have to BF, but in your shoes I'd check first if there was a way to make feeds more efficient (i.e. check for tongue tie) - ideally by a BF specialist who knows how to spot the more hidden ones too.

Oh and I doubt your toddler will remember days watching TV! Honestly. It is always hard to juggle a toddler and a baby whether they are BF or FF and all mothers who have both seem to feel guilty about not spending enough time with their toddler...

6 weeks is really early days, pretty much all babies feed all the time at 6 weeks as they have a growth spurt, and once your milk supply steps up in a couple of weeks the feeds should space out a bit.

Try to mix the cbeebies with stories, drawing, toys, singing songs etc whatever your toddler will happily do while you feed, and make sure there is a space for him to sit next to you, but if he spends the next 6 weeks or so mostly watching cbeebies it's not going to harm him and the bf is going to really benefit no2. After all he's going to nursery, and perhaps his dad can do things like the park etc, maybe you can meet up with other mums and kids, or maybe some grandparent time? Make the sofa your home and make sure you have a drinks and snacks to hand for ds and yourself, to keep up your milk supply.

I'd suggest hanging in there for now and seeing whether no2 has something like a routine by 3-4 months?
You sound like a fantastic mum, by the way

By six weeks my second child was on breast morning and evening and formula the rest of the time, for this exact reason. He was so hungry, and I could have breastfed him fully but would have been chained to the sofa all daylight a resentful older sister. It doesn't seem to have done him any harm!

All day with not all daylight!

I only bf dc2 for two weeks for this reason (fed dc1 for 6 months). Honestly it was right for us and I have never felt guilty since. I was a sahm with no family around and a dh that works long hours.

I tried to get dc2 to take a bottle but wouldn't really take it very well. So took nearly an hour to get a bottle down which was even longer than breast.

Why not get your partner to do a couple of bottles a day over Christmas to try

Huge sympathy, my second child was like this, a constant feeder - she was a big baby too, not sure if that's a factor. Are there any breastfeeding support groups locally? Might be worth going along for support and also checking that latch and milk transfer are optimal.

I was desperate for dd to take a bottle of expressed milk so that dh could help, I could get a bit of sleep and did feel so guilty about Ds, who was 2 at the time. But dd wouldn't take a bottle or cup at all. What I did was start weaning early - controversial, not necessarily recommending it for everyone but it worked for us and I personally would rather do that than formula feed. She did go longer between feeds and sleep better (sleep deprivation had driven me half crazy) and she was quite an easy older baby and toddler after the demanding start.

As I write this I'm breastfeeding dc4 whilst dc3 plays on an iPad, still feeling guilty but it's a few short months. Ds1 didn't suffer for it long term!

In my opinion, first children shouldn't feel pushed aside or left out, this may eventually bring on feelings of jealousy and resentment towards their sibling.

If breastfeeding really is stopping you spending quality time with dc1 then i would say its time to try a bottle. If you prefer to continue feeding breastmilk could you express?

You could try the largest size teats so the flow is faster. You never know if they will remain a slow feeder on a bottle unless you try! And bottle prep really isn't as time consuming as its sometimes made out to be!

Ultimately you need to make choices that suit the whole family, don't feel bad if you do decide to switch to bottles

Can you try him on a bottle and see whether he is any quicker or happier?

I would second everyone who has said if he is a slow BF he won't necessarily be any quicker on a bottle. My DS was FF from 3 days because we struggled to get him to latch and he really wasn't interested at all. He was no better with bottles and we had to virtually force feed him till around 8 weeks old when his appetitie got better. He took over 45 mins to drink 2-3 oz and nothing could get more into him so he was still feeding 8+ times a day.

But obviously DH could also feed him and I could do other things.