To be sick of travelling to see family at Christmas when no one bothers to visit us?!

[Jinglebells99]

My family live an hour and 30 minutes away in South London. They are not very hospitable when we visit. They don't offer food or drink. Often we have to eat out and end up paying for everybody. Sometimes there has been confusion about who will do a buffet with my mum and sister both expecting the other to do it. If they visit me, I obviously provide meals. But they are reluctant to come here. My sister hasn't been here for over six years. My inlaws live four hours away and are hospitable but the expectation is that we go there. So basically all our family sit in their houses and expect us to drive up and down the country. Anyone else got family like this?! I just feel stressed at trying to fit it all in.

And that is why we are flying off to sunny climes for Christmas and New Year. If we are going to wake up on Christmas morning in a hotel then it might as well be a lovely hotel in the sun on a Carribean beach rather than a travelodge next to the motorway. I feel your pain!

They miss you and want you to visit - what they want is to see you for half an hour and if your lucky you get a cup of tea then they want you gone so they can watch X factor. Often no dinner invites (and I don't mean a lavish 4 course affair - egg and chips or pasta would be great) so it's another trip to McD's with the kids. Some are better then others and generally friends make so much more effort. Really had enough after nearly 20 years. My inlaws and my mum were great though and would visit us etc until they all got too old or died.

I dont understand why your going then?

You dont want to go and they dont want you? they use you when you get there too...why are you going?

Why do people put up with this? why?

we're fucking off to australia this year so at least i can avoid all this

Next year we are staying at home. And having a nice quiet christmas where I can drink gin and not have to drive anywhere!

Sorry had to disappear off to a carol concert. Well that all seemed pretty unanimous :) I just suggested we stay put to dh though and he thinks we should travel :( Always means spending several days at his mums and maybe a day seeing my family. However it is my family who don't host so at least his mum is welcoming. I do have children btw, but they are getting older and this has been going on for years.

did you tell him why you don't want to go?

Last year op and when your at the in laws say you probably wont be able to make it next year so you sincerly hope they can come to you for a change next year.

forget your own family full stop.

My parents never visited when the DC were babies. We had to load the car up and go there. Did make an effort for a couple of years when they were older. For a a number of years there has always been some health reason to why DM can't sit in a car. Could accept if they had made more of an effort when their heath was better. Only visited them twice this year.

Will see then on Christmas Day at my sister's. Have always been fed though.

OP - I would make sure you have eaten before seeing the family.

When we had the kids we simply said we are staying at home for Xmas.

Join us if you wish or not.

So every year both parents come to us. It's a lot of work but preferable to Xmas on the road and to be fair both parents contribute in terms of wine and food which is much appreciated.

TBH I think it's really unfair on the kids to have all this travelling. Some friends have the same issue and feel guilty if they don't visit but I can't see anyone feeling guilty about putting 2 kids and 2 full time working adults through a 10 hour round trip and proving FA hospitality at the end of it (rather saving up jobs to do and generally getting unpaid labour).

I think you should put your foot down OP and at least stay at home every other year.

why do you go? you don't seem to enjoy these trips. Just stay at home and don't bother making excuses. I stopped visiting family over Xmas 6 years ago, and also stopped inviting them. Best decision ever. We see each other at other times but never for Xmas

I feel your pain.
We use to drive 5 hours to SIL - vomiting child all the way.
They didn't want to see us frankly - they invited out of some sense of obligation. They did want to see SD and SS so only invited us when we had them. Couldn't be less interested in our DD.
After doing this 3 times I called time.
So so much nicer at home with just us.
They haven't seen DD in 3 years? Maybe 4...

I have to say that the snow we had a few years back was a welcome excuse for many people not to travel at Christmas!

OP, could you compromise this year by saying you will go to PIL for a shorter visit and then say from then on Christmas at home? Visit at Easter instead if that suits better, or half term holidays as the weather will be better and there will be more to do with the DC? Don't go to your family at all unless you can do a flying visit as part of a trip to something else. What would your DC like to do?

Don't go. Tell your dh you arnt going. Full stop.

Visiting is always best in the summer anyway.

Just don't go.

You don't have to go if you don't want to, even if ur DP wants to. Why have a miserable Xmas just to keep others happy?
I've always stayed at home at Xmas with DP and Children, it's much less hassle. I don't even have people over, I've enough cooking to do for my lot. Sometimes DSis n partner come on Boxing Day though, but I hate cooking for tons of people.
Have a nice chilled Xmas at home for once Hun.