albeit a fairly harmless type...
I have a friend who I've accused of homophobia a couple of times; he says he isn't homophobic. MN jury please advise :-)
He isn't anti gay or ever says anything nasty about it. He says he can't be homophobic as he doesn't dislike the idea of being homosexual/homosexual people.
However, he's a bit peculiar about it all in that he seems to find it really really interesting if someone is gay, and can't accept it as a normal state. He accepts people have the right to be gay, it doesn't bother him, but he doesn't accept it as 'natural' either. He thinks it's a choice. And that it doesn't happen with animals so it can't be natural.
Is this homophobic or just a different view of homosexuality? Nature versus nurture, I suppose.
But also he'll really comment on gay people. We were in a bar once and was talking to one barmaid about knowing another of their barmaids. OK. Then suddenly out of the blue he suddenly blurted out 'She's a lesbian!' about the second bar maid, really loudly, and like it was an amazing piece of news. My jaw dropped, the barmaid he was talking to looked disgusted and walked off, and other people at the bar stared. I told him he shouldn't have said that, her sexuality is no one else's business. His argument is that it's nothing to be ashamed of so there's nothing wrong with talking about it. He couldn't seem to grasp that yes it's nothing to be ashamed about but no it's not something you suddenly shout about people to random other people - 1) it's her personal business and 2) it's simply not an interesting enough thing to mention.
The other night we were watching TV and he said about a presenter 'She's married to her female partner' again all a bit excited about it like it was big news. I just said, that's nice, but why are you bothering to tell me. He thinks it's interesting because she 'doesn't look like a lesbian'. As you can imagine we then had an exchange on what does a lesbian look like anyway, and he also reckons he's never met any lesbians and I laughed and said he must have but wouldn't have realised.
I'm making him sound lesbian obsessed but I don't think he is. It's more that he wants to be all nice and liberal and ok with homosexuality, but really he sees it a weird terribly interesting 'thing' some people choose, that's great gossip. I find it a boring everyday fact about people.
So ...who's right. Is his heart in the right place but he's a bit immature about it all, or is he homophobic?