I don't want to kiss my mil (shudder)

[MrsPatrickDempsey]

Ok - long story short. Been with DH for 27 yrs and have tolerated a strained relationship with mil. He is one of four and me and my two children have always been obviously treated less favourably (think babysitting, inequality with Xmas gifts, free holidays to the other siblings and not us etc). None of this is massively important to me but the children are now becoming aware of it. She is opinionated, judgmental, insincere and generally disinterested and misunderstanding of us. When DH has tried to raise issues with her she cries and blames us for things.

So we have been invited to SILs on Boxing Day - MIL will be there. My first reaction was to boycott but a) feel I need to set a bit of an example to my kids 2) don't really want to spend the day alone and c) don't really want to sink to her level! I am apprehensive about the day but will bite my tongue and nod and smile. But she always insists on this gross kissy huggy embrace when we meet. I know it is childish and ridiculous but it fills me with dread and repulsion and I don't know how to avoid it. Suggestions please....

Bright red lipstick. Leave a lovely mark on her cheek then she might be less keen in future!

Get her on the back foot and grab her, smacked on the check and quick waltz roun the hall. End with an elbow in the ribs and raucous laughter- she will be grateful to be ignored next time

Some great suggestions, but this is possibly my favourite. I've a great image in my head of the OP twirling around the hall , and maybe with a cactus thrown in, for good measure.

Say..no. please don't hug me. I did this years ago as I can not abide being touched by people I dont know/ dont like. They were all a bit shocked....but got over it.

just step back from her if she tries to hug you and say "no thank you I don't know where you've been I might catch something".

Fight fire with fire,
Go for the full embrace, grab her bum and let out a breathy sigh.

Some very funny suggestions here! I'm expected to offer both hands (one only would be rude) and curtsey to my mil. She's Ivorian, over 80 and absolutely lovely.

Go with Toasty 's suggestion but add in a creepy hair sniff and a breathy "don't let go" when she tries to escape

I remember someone demonstrating years ago, to me, how to keep someone at arm's length, while greeting them. I think it was while shaking hands, you place your other hand on their shoulder or something.
Not much use though in a hug situation.

I'm not a hugger and dislike people touching me so I'd go with the "got a cold coming on" thing and leave her to it.

Lol at breathy don't let go

Stretch your arm out straight in front of you and tap her on the arm as you say hello then as she lurches forward, step well back beaming hello. End of encounter.

Hatespiders, that's brilliant!

My Fil gives the grossest kisses on the cheek- lips too far apart so there's always a patch of spit left on my cheek. I always have to do something to distract everyone as I scrub it off with my sleeve. One day they'll catch me,

Thank you Sprink.
Africans don't in general kiss much. They're quite reserved, especially in public. I bet with this terrible Ebola crisis, they're even more wary of any personal contact.
My little old mil is tiny and thin, quite wrinkled and almost jet black. When she smiles her white teeth gleam. She always wears very brightly-coloured traditional robes. She rabbits on to me in Malinke (I don't understand a word!) I treat her with enormous respect and admire her so much. She's had nine children and gave birth to all of them in a tin shanty shack with no pain relief or medical help, just the other women around. She's had to scratch around to find enough food for them all and lost two in adult life to terrible diseases. That woman is STRONG, dignified and I love her to bits.
My own mother was evil and abusive, so I feel blessed to have found a nice one!

Lick her.

Could you hold her by the upper arms and do one of those kissing the air on either side of her face greetings? Very brief and quick, and move on to greet the next person?

Accidental trip and head but?! Too far?

I'd go with the cold sore option, tbh. No one wants one of those and they're very contagious.

I have this problem too, glad to hear I'm not the only one! I am not a kissy huggy person at all and I get so uncomfortable when I know I am going to be assaulted by other people's smells, bristly face, ignoring my need for personal space etc, especially when it's people I don't even like!

Female relatives could at least ensure their faces are de-stubbled before going in for face contact. When MIL kissed my DGD at the weekend DGD (7) actually said 'ow'

Hatespiders I'd curtsey to your MiL, too! I'd actually probably kow-tow!