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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Amnio screwing my head up wish I was dead.

44 replies

ChristmasCrackerPop · 16/12/2014 01:24

Oh I don't know what to do, 2 days ago I got called back for my nuchal bloods came back 1 in 20 chance of problems, I'm terrified of having to terminate, we tried for 8 months for this baby. I'm 14 weeks and a few days, they are going to do the amnio on the 22nd as have to be 15 weeks. I Had planned to tell everyone on Christmas day but now I won't be telling a soul as I'll be awaiting the results.

I'm an emotional mess and my DH is being so horrible (I think) every time I've phoned the specialist and etc the first thing he says is 'Oh can we still get rid' when I said they where moving it back 4 days.

I was explaining to him the other night about the process and he interrupted asking me to look online for fish tank lights.

Last night even though I'm still struggling badly with hypremisis I helped him drilling his tank which took hours till 2am and was so tired today but tonight I'm really emotional and when I need someone to stay up and comfort me he just doesn't care, says he's tired it just seems like I'm so alone seeing as he's the only one who knows about this pregnancy.

I told him to maybe just sleep downstairs so I can have a good cry and he told me why don't i fucking sleep downstairs. So I'm sat in the kitchen. Never felt so alone, don't even want to be here anymore.

OP posts:

MummyBeerest · 16/12/2014 03:22

Yy, your DH needs to sort this out.

You just focus on you and the baby.

Eat, cry, sleep, talk, scream. Whatever you need to do.

Just don't do it alone x

cookiefiend · 16/12/2014 03:26

Hope you are managing to sleep. There are some lovely words here, I have nothing meaningful to add but hope another post shows you that you have some support here. I do hope DH is just trying to cope. Until you are actually pregnant it is hard to understand the bond and love that you already have for the tiny bundle you are carrying- or at least I was surprised by it. So maybe he feels less attached.

Hope you get some sleep.

AuntieVenom · 16/12/2014 04:39

I also hope you've managed to get some sleep. I can empathise with how you are feeling as I was in the same boat 10 weeks ago.

I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant, suffering from hyperemesis and was also given a high risk for Downs Syndrome (1 in 65) after combined screening.

When I met with my obstetrician she told me that my hCG was 5 times MoM and that's what skewed the results, but because I suffer HG it wasn't a major concern as it's well known that HG sufferers' hCG is normally very high.

On her advice we decided to wait with the amnio until after our 20 week scan, & everything has come back completely normal.

I'm on the other side of the world so if you find yourself awake in the middle of the night & want to chat feel free to PM me.

WheresMrMonkey · 16/12/2014 04:45

So hope you manage some sleep x

gordonpym · 16/12/2014 06:32

What were the result for the nuchal alone, without the blood?
I had a terrible reading for DS2 1 in 49 (I know yours is 20) with the blood, where nuchal alone was 1 in 1246 which is great.
I went through the same desperation as you, amnio, and results, and my son was perfectly fine.
The geneticist at the hospital told me, sometimes women have naturally high alpha-feto protein which gives a 10% false positive. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elevated_alpha-fetoprotein
Ask for your nuchal data alone, or ask for another scan. It's not only the nuchal which gives indication of problems. The skull, the brain, renal fossae, ventricular cavity, .... they just don0't look for them anymore, except when asked.
Did your sonograph made any comment during the nuchal measurement?

And by the way they can get most amnio results in 9 days for the main abnormalities (like 15 including Down) and the remaining you have to wait 10 more days.

Do not despair, nothing is yet certain, as you have read here, many of us had false positive.

Hedgehogsbuzz1 · 16/12/2014 06:43

tell your friend in confidence about DH and the situation. You need some support.

Hedgehogsbuzz1 · 16/12/2014 06:44

Is DH usually unempathic, what's he he like at other times of need?

NobodyLivesHere · 16/12/2014 06:52

Ah sweetheart, you sound so upset and I dont Blame you, the unknown is so scary. Ican't really add any advice these ladies haven't but i couldnt not reply. I hope you are getting some rest now. I wish you all the luck in the world x

Pensionerpeep · 16/12/2014 07:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooSensitive · 16/12/2014 07:07

Dear christmas - my bloods (the triple test) when pregnant with my son, showed a 1 in 10 chance that he would have Downs. I had the amnio not with a view to terminating but because I needed to know. Results were fine and ds is now a lippy 13 year old .

I wish I hadn't had the amnio as it carries a risk of miscarriage and the triple test was known to be highly unreliable, but I was very scared and anguished and needed to know so that I could prepare myself for what might have been life with a child with special needs.

So I don't think that high odds necessarily mean anything and I wish you and your baby all the best .

(Your h sounds immature, keep posting here until you feel better ).

Selks · 16/12/2014 16:51

OP, how have things been since you last posted, last night?

Noellefielding · 16/12/2014 17:12

Hello CCpop, I hope you got some rest today.

my dh can be vile when he feels unable to help and antenatal testing is pure hell for most men. It takes deep and steady emotional strength to get through this kind of waiting and wondering. Few people arrive where you are with that strength. For most of us , we look back at that time and realise how this time has made us stronger.

The only thing I would say, and it may not help at all, but if you can,

Surrender to Not Knowing, accept that you don't know and that's ok - you are not alone. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring so we are all with you in some way.

Try to keep as busy as your energy allows even if it's mindless and sitting down, sorting socks, decluttering a drawer, doing some Christmas cards, anything that gets your mind occupied.

Try to do one thing at a time and remember you are where you are now and things will change. Just be in today and do what you have to do today. When tomorrow comes you can concentrate on that. When you have more information, you can start thinking about that. You can't do any more than take one step at a time.

Let yourself cry as much as you can. Your whole system is in a creative explosion making this new possibility. Change is biting around your heels and it can feel intolerable. But look back in time and remember billions of women have been there and will be there. You are part of the great river of maternal suffering that is completely daunting every time a woman approaches her own fertility and thinks 'bloody hell, the ads didn't make it look like this?'.

Just think how much you need to look after yourself so you can look after this pregnancy. No more 2 o'clockers if possible. Let your other half be for a bit if you can, maybe he's just feeling overwhelmed. You sound young too, this is heavy life experience isn't it?

Sending you oceans of empathy!

SomeSortOfDeliciousBiscuit · 16/12/2014 17:48

I just want to echo what another poster said - the charity www.arc-uk.org are fantastic. They have people who you can talk to who've been there and can listen to you.

Aeroflotgirl · 16/12/2014 17:53

what an awful time for this to happen, is there anyway your h could be stressed and handling it badly? for you.

PortofinoVino · 16/12/2014 17:59

He can be such a pain and selfish towards me yet it's different when he wants me to be there for him.

You ain't seen nothing yet, then. And you're having a baby with him? One that will demand all your time and attention? I think you need to think about your future very seriously.

I hope it all works out for you, I really do.

hhhhhhh · 16/12/2014 18:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsPavlichenko · 16/12/2014 18:21

I had a similar issue 24 years ago, at 20 weeks, after triple blood tests. Odds od 1 in 24. Was able to get CVS, but had to wait over a week. Outcome was clear for DS.

It was hellish, and my DM sais afterwards I hadn't smiled for a week. What helped, a little, was remembering that the odds (awful as they are) were relating only to my pregnancy as opposed to the 24 women in the waiting room with me IYSWIM.

I hope it all goes well for you, and do think about talking to your friend, and try to ignore your DH, as far as is possible at the moment and concentrate on yourself.

naty1 · 16/12/2014 19:51

I think a positive thing is that you seem to feel the same way as your DH about what to do if DS is confirmed as i can only imagine how difficult it would be if you disagree.
I know 8 mths ttc seems a lot but there is (especially considering you being 25) a very good chance that as you have been successful once you would be again.
I havent been in the situation but i am 10wks with 3wks to go till NT scan and am already worried in case its high - im 35 and its an ivf pg so its taken a yr of drugs and operations to get here. And i dont feel i could risk (the tiny risk) of an amnio.

If you are very sick it sounds like you have high HCG so ad PP said that could affect the blood results.

Apparently it isnt very different the numbers of DS babies born to younger as to older women because younger ones have more babies.

At least tou have had the screening and identified a possible issue (worrying as it is) as another poster said not all areas do it and i expect due to people's confusion over dates it often isnt done at the correct time.

You have the opportunity if you feel strong enough to look into DS further if you want to know what decision you might make. It might raise questions you want to ask specialists.
Im not sure i would discuss with people in RL as opinions on this probably really differ and it is you 2 that will live with whatever happens not the other person. And people might make a different decision once in the position themselves.
Hopefully the baby is fine its such a difficult time waiting.
Apparently 94% of identified DS babies are aborted. So its seems that the perception , whether correct or not, is that it is very serious. But as someone pointed out not everyone tests as they would be happy whatever and some just want to know in advance. Luckily its down to each couple to decide.
Get some rest, try not to worry too much and try to distract yourself.

At least if they did harmony you wouldnt get scary results weeks before you can get amnio results. If you do bloods 2 weeks before nt scan.
As it is my scan will be past the time for CVS testing though i dont think amnio is much different to cvs in terms of risk?

LabMonkey · 16/12/2014 20:15

I was in this position a few months ago. I haven't read the full thread because I'm having a really foggy day so sorry if it's been said already but there's a pregnancy choices section under Body and Soul now to support people in this situation.

PM me if you need a chat. X

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