regarding my friend's comments on depression?

[HermioneDanger]

I have been struggling with my mental health for a while and am currently battling anxiety, depression and an eating disorder. As you can imagine it's really hard at the moment, but I wonder sometimes whether I can be a bit too sensitive to comments.

A friend of mine (who knows how ill I am) made the following observations about someone who is suffering depression: nice house, lovely partner, decent income and therefore has no reason to be depressed.

AIBU to think that this is a really nasty and ignorant thing to say? I know it wasn't about me but you can say all of the above about me (and it's why I didn't seek help for far too long) so does she think I have no "reason" to be depressed? As if it is something I can control?

I may be going against the grain here, but since my life got better I don't seem to get depressed any more. I'm not doubting for a moment that for some people, depression may be a chemical imbalance. But for others, like I was, it can be due to life circumstances, or at least how life circumstances are perceived and interpreted.

I've not been depressed since meeting my partner and having a family, which is about five years, because before that I didn't have those things and I experienced serious depression on a number of occasions, which was directly linked to the lack of those things and thinking it would never happen.

Just my experience.

Some depression is reactive, and people do develop depression in depressing situations. And some people are depressed despite their circumstances.

It's possible OP's friend is aware of that, and was commenting on the fact that the person in question must have the latter kind.

I think it unlikely any criticism of the OP was intended.

I think your friend was ignorant, yes, but not nasty. Does she know that you have mh problems yourself? if she does then she was tactless, but if she doesn't....well, why not be generous and see it as an opportunity for an enlightening discussion
'yeah, I know, you'd think that wouldn't you? but then loads of people DO become depressed even when there isn't an obvious reason..etc etc'

Shallishanti regarding your question "Does she know that you have mh problems yourself?", the second paragraph of the OP begins:- "A friend of mine (who knows how ill I am)" etc. so yes she does know.

OP, your "friend's" comment is ignorant in the extreme.

YY mrshathaway, there are different types of depression and some is caused by traumatic events which can go away with counseling, change of circumstances, short term medication etc. But some is chemical, and can be inherited. Unluckily for me I seem to have both, so I tend to explain to people that it is like being diabetic. If I take my medication and respect my limitations and boundaries in terms of stress and anxiety I can be fine for months or years, if something very stressful happens or my brain gets too used to the current medication then I have to go through the depressive episode that follows until the correct new medication can be found. I will always have to take medication, but to a certain extent I am fine most of the time so even my closest friends find it confusing sometimes.

Sorry, posted too soon, so like being diabetic, I will always have depression, its just that where insulin injections will make a diabetics body function correctly, my medication makes my body function correctly. I am reliant on them but because of them can lead a normal life.

People are shockingly ignorant - they'd have thought my DH had no 'right' to have depression because his life was so 'perfect' - but under the surface there was a family predisposition, coupled with bereavement, work stress and physical health problems. He soldiered on because he expected it of himself and because it was what people around him did. I was the one who pointed out to him that he need not feel this way, that he had a right go get help... It took me 18 months.

Now he is settled on ADs and his life is transformed.

I'm lucky in that I have never suffered, but it does run in my family too, so I am always very vigilant and will seek help at the first hint.

There's a reason why I work in mental health research.

Shallishanti she does know but I think I probably should use the opportunity to have an enlightening discussion with her.

As Fastwidow says I'm constantly struggling with knowing I have nothing to be depressed about whilst being so fucking depressed I can barely function some days. So I berate myself for being indulgent. It's so hard, and insensitive comments like my friend's one make me feel worse

Onwards and (hopefully) upwards.

My mother comes out with that comment "What have you got to be depressed about?"
I have suffered from severe anxiety since the age of 10 when I was bullied at school, since then, like most people, I have had some bad things happen in my life and been on AD at various times but still get the same comment made.
Now I just ignore her and don't judge others that say they have depression and anxiety because you just never know what someone has or is going through. Something that one person deals with, another will really struggle with.
I think I will always suffer from this and try to find ways to deal with it, strangely, I do have a severley disabled child but find I can cope a lot better with that then many other day to day things in life.

I have also found that since I stopped taking the contraceptive pill I have been able to cope with things a lot better than when I was last on AD.

Its like part of your brain is perfectly aware that you are depressed (if you've had it before) but the other, overriding part is on self-destruction mission, telling you it will never end. So there's no point in doing anything about it. Which makes you not want to. You know full well it will end, as it has before. But my god the effort, the mental and physical effort to climb back up. Who the hell invented an illness you can't be arsed to tackle?!!! Thanks for that. Thanks a lot...

Amazing fastwindow so true. It is just constant bickering in your head. My longest depressed period was 10 months straight without a good day and i just thought it would never end. Still can't believe it did actually!