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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask a small favour of my DP?

43 replies

Smileybutstressed · 15/12/2014 15:34

I started a caring job in late August just after my DDs 1st birthday to bring some extra income in.
The job involves early mornings (usually start at 7:30am) it takes me on average 15 minutes to drive to my first call depending on where about it is.

DP is a farmer and works where we live so has no commute. This week, work have rostered me to do my first calls for tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday for 7 am in a village 15 mins away.

This means that I have to get up at 5 am get myself AND DD up and dressed, washed if necessary fed and in the car etc. I then have to drop DD off at my mums at 6:30am so that I leave enough time to transfer car seat into her car etc and still get to my call on time.

My DD (16 months) has been poorly for weeks now with a cold an i can't help but think that getting up early on these cold mornings can't be helping. It's taking its toll on my mum too! I suggested to DP perhaps he could meet my mum at the end of our road with DD at a better time to which he scoffed and said no way!!!

AIBU after all of the times I've driven a 100 mile round trip to pick his DD 4 (my DSD) up so that he could spend the weekend with her to be so upset about the fact that he won't take 15 minutes out of his day to help everybody out and let DD sleep a bit longer.

He will happily drive the 100 mile round trip to pick his DD up if her DM wants to go out drinking but when I ask such a tiny fucking favour I get told NO. And I'm going out to help provide for his two kids and make sure they have a lovely Xmas (which by the fucking way I will be working for NO extra pay even though I get paid an absolute pittance anyway).

AIBU I needed to rant I'm sorry

OP posts:

Whereisegg · 15/12/2014 16:59

I'd be considering more than moving to my mum's 'for a while', I've never expected thanks for working from my dh, but the fact he won't do anything for his youngest and let you do so much for his other dc?
No.
No thank you.

Summerisle1 · 15/12/2014 18:22

You live in a cold house with what sounds like a disinterested and selfish partner. I can only assume he must have some redeeming qualities because moving in with your dm currently sounds like a much more attractive option.

Summerisle1 · 15/12/2014 18:24

Oh, and it isn't a favour you are asking from him. You are merely asking him to take some responsibility for his own daughter.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/12/2014 18:42

Agree summer, I was just about to write that. This isn't a favour for you , this is the most sensible way of managing both your jobs.

CheeseBuster · 15/12/2014 18:48

Is he a capable parent when forced to be? I would be emptied to just get up and go telling him that he had to deal with DD as door shut. She's his responsibility too and this is no different to what he seems to be doing every morning anyway.

Although i do have to say you don't get colds from being cold.

Purplepoodle · 15/12/2014 19:27

He's being an ass. Could you reduce your hours to make your own life easier? Perhaps stay at your mums when you are on earlies? As for the wood I would be telling him to get some cut by x date or you will be ordering wood to be delivered at his expense

Original poster

Smileybutstressed · 16/12/2014 12:43

I've jut got back from work. DD still in bed although he had fed, dressed and changed her nappy.

No logs left for the fire, the house is freezing cold. DD's cheeks were blue, she's got an awful cough, hardly eating, crackly and wheezy breathing :( just really not herself. She's gone back to sleep again. Breathing very rapidly. Ive called doctor out to her but I'm going to let her sleep for now

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 16/12/2014 13:00

Hope she's ok. Glad you've got the doctor out.

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 16/12/2014 13:28

Buy an oil filled radiator online to be delivered and at least heat your dd's room. Sorry your husband is crap, but you do have to just take action in this instance- a freezing room for a child with breathing problems is absolutely not ok. Til it arrives, go to your mums for some warmth and work from there (once the dr has been).

Hope the dr comes out soon, and that you are all ok. If they don't come soon and you feel she is deteriorating, take her to A and E- they never ever mind looking over sick children.

whois · 16/12/2014 13:34

He doesn't sound like a very nice man.

Any clue as to why his previous relationship with children broke down...?

HeraldAngelSinging · 16/12/2014 13:38

Time to think about your future here, OP ......

Original poster

Smileybutstressed · 16/12/2014 13:39

Dr thinks she's got pneumonia and she has to too hospital :(

OP posts:

Lambzig · 16/12/2014 13:45

Oh my goodness, you poor thing. At least they can take care of her properly and she will be warm and safe.

When she gets out you need to have her in a warm home, one way or another.

DontTurnAround · 16/12/2014 13:48

She has pneumonia?

What plans are you putting in place for when she comes out of the hospital OP? Taking her back to that house would be neglect.

Ifadoubledeckerbus · 16/12/2014 13:49

I hope that your DP treats any livestock better than he's treated his family. Maybe this will be a wake up call for him. And i would show him this thread if he's in any doubt that he is not a selfish man.

youareallbonkers · 16/12/2014 13:52

I'd ask why you had a child with him but no one ever answers...

OddBones · 16/12/2014 14:16

Youarerealbonkers people change and he probably appeared to be a nice unselfish prick man when they had kids..
Or she has blinkers on, either way it's not relevant.

Hope the child is well soon and maybe this will be a wakeup call for your partner of not then please reconsider you and your duaghters future with this man in it.

Hairtodaygonetomorrow · 16/12/2014 14:16

Work out why you are with this twattish man after you have secured warm accommodation for you and your child. I'm sorry, but action has to be taken, and it won't be by him, so it will have to be by you.

I really hope you are ok, and your lo is ok, too, it must be very stressful and perhaps you were hopeful he might change, but this is going to be a wakeup call for all of you- look after yourself and your lo.

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