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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU but

51 replies

HootOnTheBeach · 14/12/2014 22:25

I never gave it a thought until last week.

I saw photos of my friend's new DP who is a bit unfortunate looking. Apparently he is a mix of English and Eastern European and this cocktail has not gone down well. His parents look very normal and in fact his mother is quite attractive. The blend just doesn't seem to have worked.

I am now feeling very squirrely about having children with my (English) DP what with me being EE myself.

Feel like I'm being very unreasonable because looks shouldn't matter blah blah but it's niggling at me.

Anyone else feeling like this or felt like this? Xmas Sad

OP posts:
RollTheBallRollTheBall · 14/12/2014 23:56

Being ugly on the inside is worse than being ugly on the outside... Just saying.

I am in shock that someone's mind could worry that their children will be ugly Hmm

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 14/12/2014 23:59

And should you really care about your future DC looks like?!

Most people hope for a healthy child.

Values like yours make me despair.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 14/12/2014 23:59

Did you seriously think you could post that OP and think you wouldn't get attached? It is a vile, shallow thought that should have remained in your head.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 15/12/2014 00:00

Attacked. Not attached.

BlueGreenHazelGreen · 15/12/2014 00:01

Hoot it's just that it's quite an odd thing to consider when thinking about TTC.

We tried long and hard to conceive our children,it never crossed my mind to consider whether they would be good looking or how my DH's family background would effect that.

BlessedAndGr8fulNoInLaws4Xmas · 15/12/2014 00:02

I think you need to seriously consider whether you are the right person to have a baby .

Phalenopsis · 15/12/2014 00:06

How does a person look 'unfortunate'?! Grin Confused

CupidStuntSurvivor · 15/12/2014 00:10

Regardless of what your DC turn out to look like, they'll be fine providing they don't inherit your shallow attitude. HTH

greenbananas · 15/12/2014 00:22

Well I think it's natural to how that your children will be good looking, because beautiful people tend to do better in life (sad but true).

However, being good looking is not as important as being loved, supported, happy and confident.

I do think yabu to worry about any particular ethnic combination. mixing up the gene pool is a good thing, surely? Children from mixed race backgrounds do not suffer in looks and intelligence!

JackieOLantern · 15/12/2014 00:23

It's very odd that you think that this persob's looks have anything to do with their ethnic mix. It's one thing to harbor a secret worry that your DC might turn out to be lacking in the looks department - not a nice thought but one that has crossed parents' minds even if they wouldn't admit it to others. It's another to think that their looks are related to their ethnic background - that's just bizarre! It doesn't make any sense at all.

WineWineWine · 15/12/2014 10:17

What help were you looking for when you posted?
Were you hoping that lots of other people would reassure you that this was normal and acceptable, and we all have these thoughts?

No, I have never looked at another person and thought - 'you're ugly, I hope my kids don't end up looking like you'

Most people are not that shallow.
Most people love their kids unconditionally for who they are, not what they look like.
Most people think their children are beautiful.

Andrewofgg · 15/12/2014 10:18

Leg-pull?

pictish · 15/12/2014 10:21

It's the lack of logic that gets me!

So on this one occasion a certain combination has produced a less than comely human being, so therefore every time that combination occurs there's an increased risk of ugliness, compared to other combinations?
Is that what you're trying to say?
What?

ApocalypseNowt · 15/12/2014 10:24

I always go by 'you end up with the face you deserve' Grin

Roald Dahl put it much better ^“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”^

ApocalypseNowt · 15/12/2014 10:24

Bah. Italics fail but you get the idea.

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut · 15/12/2014 10:26

You're concerned that, because of the genetic mix, your children will be ugly.

I think the solution is not to have children. With anyone of any race or nationality.

rebelfor · 15/12/2014 10:29

I think you need to seriously consider whether you are the right person to have a baby .

Maki79 · 15/12/2014 10:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the posters request.

BathshebaDarkstone · 15/12/2014 10:32

Some genetic mixes can be ugly, others can be beautiful. I don't often say this in AIBU, but YADBU. All my DC are beautiful, and most parents would say the same about their DC. When they're born, all you'll care about is that they're healthy. Xmas Smile

duchesse · 15/12/2014 10:36

Firstly, just WTAF?

Secondly, you never know what you're going to get.

Thirdly, if you believe that all your future children would have to offer the world would be a pretty face, then maybe you shouldn't have any.

Fourthly, I hope they don't have hairy knuckles. That would be an unfortunate trait to pass on.

wasitsomethingisaid · 15/12/2014 10:37

Generally people have kids with the person they love Wink

Think not of genetically engineering your children because it might go wrong Grin

MinceSpy · 15/12/2014 10:38

YABVU but you've probably got that message by now

tiggydiggydee · 15/12/2014 10:39

I'm sure your friend absolutely adores her new partner and thinks he looks wonderful and is wonderful! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as the saying goes! However you on the other hand should probably refrain from having any children if these are the types of thoughts you have. Confused

taxi4ballet · 15/12/2014 10:50

I have 19th-Century Irish, Scottish, Portuguese and German ancestors in my family tree alongside all the English ones. Most people will find a mixture. We are all the same species.

lurkingaround · 15/12/2014 11:06

THis is surely a wind-up??

If it isn't, then OP. I suggest you continue, for a long long time, to feel 'squirrely' about having children and defer it. YABsoincrediblyU.

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