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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being entitled?

50 replies

babewiththepower · 13/12/2014 21:01

I had paid for my old works xmas do, was due to go tonight. Am still on good terms with everyone even though I left 4 months ago.

I text a few yesterday asking how they were getting there, did they want to share a cab, sometimes the office organises a mini cab etc. Was told 'not sure' and my other friend was getting a lift with someone who lives close to her so she was out of the equation.

So I asked my friend who said 'not sure' again today if she knew what she was doing and she said sorry, she was driving but she had given all the spaces in her car to people. These are people that all drive/have partners who drive, so all had other options. I am disabled so if there were no lifts and no cab spaces, my only option is the bus. Or £20 for a cab on my own.

So I set out on the journey an hour before the start time and the bus took an age! It made me miss for the second bus, so I waited 20 mins for the next one to arrive and by then there was still a tube journey and a long walk ahead of me. I'd have been 30 mins late and it was so cold I eventually thought Sod this, Im going back home because I could just not face another hours journey on the way home later that night.

So as not to drip feed I will mention another incident a few weeks ago that was a bit similar, ie them not thinking. I asked them to save me some tickets for my son and DN's to an event they were hosting for the kids. I was told people had to ask the office to hold tickets so I did. When I got there, having travelled for 45 mins on the bus, I was told No, tickets had to be held in advance and because i didnt call the office, so no one had saved me any so there were none for the kids. I'd only emailed, text, and whatsapped....

So basically, AIBU to think that just ONE of them could have thought "Hows Babe getting there tonight, maybe one of us could save her a space or share a cab with her, as we all know she has no other transport and as she has been asking how we are all getting there so maybe we could consider her too?"

OP posts:

TheRealMaryMillington · 13/12/2014 21:42

YANBU to ask to lift share…if slightly late in the day.
YABU to get hurt and angry about it. Consideration is nice, but you are not their responsibility. Maybe they think its a bit odd to be expecting to go to former works do? It's a shame that you missed out on a night out though.

AlpacaLypse · 13/12/2014 21:42

To me the big thing is Why On Earth were you going to an old workplace party? Yes, I appreciate you'd paid up front for tickets when you were still there. Could you not have asked for a refund when you left that job, or even well after?

Works 'do' party-planners... as a matter of interest, what is the Done Thing when personnel leave between booking and paying for a staff outing and the Do actually taking place?

devilwithabluedresson · 13/12/2014 21:42

I also would make sure everyone was covered for transport. Especially a disabled person on a horrific journey like that. YANBU about that or the tickets.

tigermoll · 13/12/2014 21:46

devil I'd hardly say that an hour's journey on public transport counts as 'horrific'. The OP mentions the Tube so presumably lives in London - an hour to get somewhere is reasonably standard,

Original poster

babewiththepower · 13/12/2014 21:46

The 2 people I contacted are the "box office" as such, tigermoll. They are the office staff and take bookings.

I left on really good terms, we were all a close team. I still see them for dinner/cinema etc and I would happily be welcomed back to the team (or so I was told!) so that's why I was still going to the do.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 13/12/2014 21:48

It is annoying that they didn't consider you. I don't think it's anything personal but just that it's your old workplace and you're not working there any longer. I remember a really popular nice person who had left always used to come on our nights out and I said are we telling x and somebody said in a really irritated voice we can't go on asking people for ever you know.

vitabrits · 13/12/2014 21:49

I think they are trying to tell you that you are not that important to them any more.

tigermoll · 13/12/2014 21:52

The 2 people I contacted are the "box office" as such, tigermoll. They are the office staff and take bookings

OK, well in that case I can see why you were hacked off. If you did contact them but they later said they would only accept phonecalls rather than emails then that is a bit weaselly.

devilwithabluedresson · 13/12/2014 21:56

Although whether you are staff or ex staff, you are still a person going on a night out with a group of people you used to be close to who you had asked to share a cab with. It is not like OP asked for a lift, she asked to share a cab.

It sounds horrific to me in this cold especially later on the way back too!

Storytown · 13/12/2014 21:59

Every Christmas party I've ever been to has involved and hour plus on public transport to get home - same as my commute.

Asking to share a cab the day before the do was always going to be a bit optimistic.

Original poster

babewiththepower · 13/12/2014 22:05

Well I am home now and happily Mumsnetting (in the warm!) so I suppose I didn't miss out too much. I am down the money for the night, but as it was so long ago it doesn't feel like real money now! Drink money would have been sky high too!

OP posts:

imonlydancing · 13/12/2014 22:20

They sound like stinkers. I hope you had a better night here with us

Summerisle1 · 13/12/2014 23:13

Glad you are home in the warm now and yes, think of all that drink money saved!

However, I think what you are experiencing is inevitable after you've left a job. No matter how popular you were. everyone moves on and without having work in common you soon become fairly invisible. I remember something similar happening to a colleague and they were terribly hurt to realise that they'd become history. Such is the way of work and former jobs though.

TooMuchCantBreathe · 13/12/2014 23:32

I don't understand why you were trying to buy tickets for a work thing? Was it open to the general public? Because that's what you are, they're not your colleagues or friends. They don't have to think about you or consider you, you left.

With a Christmas do it would be usual to put your ticket up for anyone who hadn't got one such as the person taking over your job. Not to attempt to attend when you left months before.

I think you have blurred the line between colleague and friend. It appears your former colleagues haven't.

Original poster

babewiththepower · 14/12/2014 00:22

Why was I trying to buy tickets for my works thing? Erm... Because it was a christmas fete open to everyone. But limited numbers meant tickets had to be reserved in advance?

Why would they raffle out a ticket I had bought with my own money? As well, I am in very frequent contact with these people. We meet for coffee, dinner etc. They ask me along to lunch every week. Which is why I thought it so odd that no one thought to include me in the numbers for cabs/cars. I am certainly not "forcing" myself in anyone.

OP posts:

Mymoonandstars · 14/12/2014 00:29

Harsh, Toomuch. Do you never make friends with people you work with?

Mymoonandstars · 14/12/2014 00:32

OP, I am sure they were just busy getting their own shit together and didn't think or realise. Don't be too down about it, sounds like the trek wasn't worth it in the cold anyway!

Original poster

babewiththepower · 14/12/2014 00:38

I'd like to think that. I think like other people have said, I left it too late to ask. Never mind!

OP posts:

TooMuchCantBreathe · 14/12/2014 08:02

So the answer to the question "was it open to the general public" is yes then?

Mymoon, no. Work is work, friends are friends. Mixing the two gets awkward. Boundaries make life much simpler and more pleasant to navigate.

Op, they don't raffle it, they sell it so you get your money back. Personally I'd suggest you stop contacting them and see how long it takes them to contact you and what they say when/if they do.

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 14/12/2014 08:53

Oh op I think you're taking a pasting here for no reason.

In my experience it's not that unusual, or 'needy'or acting like a hanger on to keep in touch with workmates. It's always been quite normal to invite people who have left within the last 6m to a year along to the Christmas do.

I don't think your ex colleagues are trying to leave you out, just a simple oversight I'd guess.

quirkycutekitch · 14/12/2014 09:09

Did any of them contact you to find out where you were? If they didn't then that would be my answer as to whether they are friends.

Original poster

babewiththepower · 14/12/2014 09:09

Well thanks for that advice toomuch, but I usually do make friends with people I work with as I don't shut people out based on how I met them :)

Additionally I have been invited to dinner next week. So I guess yeah, because I wasn't there to get caught up in the "fun" of it, I got left out. I should have asked earlier.

OP posts:

Original poster

babewiththepower · 14/12/2014 09:12

Thanks Rita (love the name!) And yes they did contact me after.

OP posts:

LovleyRitaMeterMaid · 14/12/2014 09:32

I've picked up friends through every job I've had! Not to say I'm friends with everyone I've ever worked with but there's always been at least one person that's became a proper friend.

TooMuchCantBreathe · 14/12/2014 16:12

There you go then, a non issue in the end. All's well that ends well

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