To be pissed off he said they could stay for 3 nights?

[Doingtheschoolrun]

Long story short- DH has a sister who has been unwell recently. To give her a bit of a break we agreed she could stay over on New Year's Eve with her daughter.

DH has now asked her to stay for 3 nights (without discussing it with me) and she has accepted.

Relevant info- She lives 10 minutes drive away, so it's not like it's not worth her while coming for one night. Her daughter and our daughter don't always get on, and when they are getting on they wind each other up really badly and both end up overexcited. I suffer with anxiety and depression. However, I do genuinely like DSIL, and want to spend time with her.

So firstly, I don't think it's a great idea putting all of us together in a small house for 3 consecutive days and nights. There's nowhere you can go to get away from each other. Maybe in the summer when you can get out and about more, and use the garden.

And secondly, I'm pissed off that not only did he offer the 3 nights without discussing it first, he didn't even tell me after the offer but the first I hear about it is when we are at SIL's and she mentions it.

So AIBU and a control freak, or is he the unreasonable one?

He was BU not to have discussed it with you first.

YANBU

Can you tell him to call her back and explain he hadn't checked with you and actually you will not be around most of that time?

I would deliberately make myself unavailable but I am bloody minded

ham I think I missed my opportunity for that- I should have said something when SIL mentioned it but due to my anxiety I was flummoxed and just went 'oh, yeah, that's fine'. If I contact her now it will seem like I don't want to spend time with her, which is wrong.

I think I'm going to have to arrange a few things to give me a break and also explain that I might need to escape to my bedroom for a bit of breathing space and it's nothing personal, just my MH problems.

owl I think that's the first time he's been deemed the unreasonable one instead of me

Don't blame yourself, I can imagine you were taken aback. I am utterly brilliant at thinking of the "right" thing to say about two weeks later.

Also, I don't think you should "excuse" wanting a bit of space by referring to MH issues. Most of us would find this a bit much and want some time to ourselves. I couldn't countenance it at all, I don't like having house guests full stop.

Book something stressbusting like a massage/hair appt/shopping with a mate which you booked ages ago...........Spread it all out but make sure you get a break.

And make sure DH doesn't think he is buggering off to work/the pub and that he pulls his weight in entertaining his family.