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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think the school shouldn't demand replacement gifts?

41 replies

AnnieLobeseder · 12/12/2014 18:29

Our school does a fundraising thing at Christmas where children bring in small Christmas presents, and then the next week they have a Secret Santa sale where the children can buy the presents for £1 and have them wrapped. All in all a lovely way for the kids to but presents themselves for mum/dad/friends.

Today was the day the children took the presents in. No "rules" were stipulated (AFAIR). This afternoon an email came out: "

"Thank you for bringing in the Secret Santa gifts today. We have noticed that some of them such as Milk Tray, Toblerone, Quality Street and Celebrations contain nuts. We would appreciate it if you could collect these and exchange them with an alternative gift."

Now, a nut-free policy is all well and good, and I can understand if they can't sell them in the sale. And I understand that they can't just bin them or scoff them in the staff room. But to insist on a replacement? It seems a bit rude and grabby to me. Wouldn't "We would appreciate it if you could collect these as we cannot use them for the sale." be more appropriate? Some parents would then happily take a replacement. But some other parents might not be able to afford to just buy something else.

OP posts:

Surreyblah · 13/12/2014 09:09

Nut free means nut free, for everything, for good reason.

The parents screwed up, the school could've reminded people not to send nut products, and used better wording in the message, but it isn't "grabby" to ask for more donations because some were unsuitable.

Pensionerpeep · 13/12/2014 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

musicalendorphins2 · 13/12/2014 09:42

She pointed out that very possibly many of these choking incidences were not because the child had actually choked but because it was an unknown allergic reaction.

I bet you have something there Pensionerpeep!

HoHonutty · 13/12/2014 09:46

If it's a nut free school then people shouldn't have taken things with nuts in. I think they do need to be replaced otherwise some children won't get a present.

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 13/12/2014 09:47

I have no issue with them not wanting presents with nuts. I have no issue with them asking nicely for replacements or additional donations. It's just the way it was worded that annoyed me.

OP posts:

KaelyLanglaise · 13/12/2014 16:36

Parents may not have thought to check for nut contents. I didn't realise a Milk Tray would contain nuts. If I was going to buy something for someone with a nut allergy, I'd check, but to donate, sealed, to a school event? I probably wouldn't, because I just wouldn't think of it.

There can be allergens in so many things, not just nuts. And what about a Muslim child who eats something with non-Halal gelatine (not life-threatening but could be upsetting). Maybe next year they could just specify no food items?

As far as the letter's concerned, I think that the school could ask for additional donations, but if they didn't specify in the first place, I think that it's the school's job to make up the difference. If they had specified in the first place, I think they were right to ask parents to bring an alternative.

Bulbasaur · 13/12/2014 16:51

Yes all the children I know are well behaved at primary they don't go home on the bus, the parents collect them and if they have an allergy then they are either old enough to be fully aware or the parents are vigilant.

Yes. All children are angels and fully aware of their allergies. Parents only keep Epipens with them for decoration purposes. It's just a nice accessory to keep in their purse, kind of like a laser pointer.

You do realize that the youngest age group in primary is 5 years old, yes?

I don't put it above young children to have impulse control problems and open a container of what they bought, considering I've seen threads on here about parents complaining about their children opening their birthday stash they found. If they don't think nuts are in it, they'll eat it. It's not a matter of children going "Ooh! Nuts, oh well I'm sure I'll be ok" it's "Ooh! Chocolate! Yum!", especially if nuts aren't allowed as snacks in the first place. They may not even think to look. There's plenty of children who can sneak a gift home in their bag and eat it when the parents aren't looking and unaware it's even there. They could share it with their siblings. The list goes on.

All it takes it one tired parent to let their kid go inside and not check their bag because they have other things on their mind.

It's just not worth the risk.

Hakluyt · 13/12/2014 16:57

If people don't replace them there won't be enough presents to go round. And imagine the AIBUs that evening!

ProudAS · 13/12/2014 18:40

There are a long list of allergens in christmas pressies. Some people have severe allergies to dairy, eggs, berries, aerosols etc. Theres nothing in the email about not allowing them. Why all this hysteria about nuts?

Bulbasaur · 13/12/2014 18:46

Why all this hysteria about nuts?

My guess would be there's a child with a nut allergy at the school.

Otherwise, I don't think the school would have batted an eye.

trixymalixy · 13/12/2014 18:53

YANBU, as the parent of a child allergic to many allergens including nuts I think they have handled this extremely badly.

sunflower49 · 13/12/2014 18:55

If they're a nut free establishment then they should have adhered to their own rules in the first place and specified no nuts.

If they've made a mistake and not done so, then It's fine to inform parents that they apologise but they failed to establish no nuts. If parents wish to collect their nut-containing gifts by x date then they can otherwise they will be scoffed in the staffroom donated to charity.

If people wish to donate another gift they can do so. The grabby bit is their asking (in not so many words) that people who have donated a nutty gift, to buy another gift.

It could end quite badly, if there aren't enough gifts to go around, I guess.

revealall · 13/12/2014 19:08

The gifts aren't for the children of a nut free school. They are gifts that children buy for other people they know. Surely the children at school know that and the parents will have emphasised that?
Our school does a similar thing and buys a few extras in case everyone turns up with bubble bath or candles.
Knowing children with allergies I think they have it drummed into them what they can and can't eat and since the gifts are going home how is it even an issue?

fascicle · 13/12/2014 19:25

I don't see the problem. The letter is not demanding replacement gifts. 'We would appreciate...' means you have a choice.

If the school is nut free, wouldn't the default assumption be not to send in anything nutty?

PlanetCodeine · 13/12/2014 19:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fascicle · 14/12/2014 11:50

PlanetCodeine - checking cosmetics would be a logistical nightmare. Presumably for most children with allergies, eating unsuitable products is a greater risk than having skin/airborne contact with them.

I dont agree with nut free, or any form of free from schools personally. Because its foisting the responsibility for a childs safety onto others

I disagree. I think it's a reasonable measure to take to manage risk, especially in primary schools where those with allergies may or may not have learnt how to minimise risk to themselves.

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