To feel like the world's worst mother?

[Pinkoyster795]

I really really am..

I've spent the entire way shouting at my 4 and 2 year olds. The weather is fucking awful outside, and we're trapped inside our tiny living room driving each other nuts. The youngest is particularly trying today-so far he has thrown my mobile phone down the toilet, spread his poo on his bed and walls and has hit my eldest on the head with a hoover bit. I just cannot cope with the two of them. I genuinely don't know how others do it! How do you wonderful fabulous people out there cope with small children, who essentially do what small children do, without wanting to scream and shout????? I've tried rewarding, time-outs (for me and them), but I always lose the plot after a while. They're both healthy, beautiful, loving children that are loved like no other by DH and I but I'm just a shit shit shit shit mother.

I don't think I have pnd because when I'm away from them I feel absolutely fine and in control. I have a highly responsible job, and I'm the epitome of patience and calm (I only work part-time though). When I'm at home, literally they break me. I want to tear my hair out after 20 mins. The youngest is just NON-STOP. He doesn't listen (I know he understands as he speaks very well, and gives me his cutest grin as he's doing the aforementioned naughty things). I'm so ashamed-firstly that I'm so mean to them (especially today), secondly that my eldest is mirroring my behaviour and shouting at the toddler, thirdly ashamed that I wanted to be a mother for so long (and went through several miscarriages) and I should appreciate it more... And lastly, that if anyone heard me I guess they would think what an absolute bitch I am to my kids (my neighbours prob think that).

Just feel fucking dreadful today. Poor kids :( :( :(

Please can anyone tell me that it gets better? I know I'll also get an absolute roasting (totally deserved). I feel like I'm scarring the poor beggars for life.

No such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing choices. Get some waterproof overalls and wellington boots.

I was really struggling with my DD (now 3.2) about 6 - 12 months ago. She was going through terrible twos and trying to adjust to DS's existence. I did a parenting course at our local children's centre, "the incredible years". I found it really helped. I also talked to a nursery nurse from our go practice and she was excellent.
Things are much better now, but mostly that's because DD's a bit older I expect... I still get shouty when sleep deprived (quite often).
Feeling for you!

OP I can understand that you will be tired by lunchtime, but honestly I think you should just push on through. I only have 1 DD who is 21mo but she can only take about an hour in the house before needing to get out. Does your youngest still nap? I find it helps to break up the day, so:
7am ish - breakfast.
7.45-8am - dog walk. We have no option but to take them out twice a day which works very well for us.
9.30ish - out for morning activity - swimming, park, library, play centre or playgroup.
11.30ish - home for lunch and nap 12-2. This could also be quiet time for your older child. Also a perfect opportunity for 1-2-1 time with him. If your little one doesn't nap...well not so easy but still a good chance for quiet time.
2.30ish - afternoon activity: we go to rhyme time, pop to the shops, go to the swings, visit friends / grandparents...
4pm we have to get back and wall dogs again.
5pm tea then playtime til bath at 6.30
I find that by forcing myself to just get out and do it, DD is knackered by bathtime - not to mention much better behaved because she's burnt off all her energy. She is a 'spirited child' all right, but this works for her.
I also second getting a soft structure sling or backpack thing for DC2. I still use mine, and will do for a good while yet. Leaves your hands free for the elder one!
Sorry forvthe essay. As you can see, I'm evangelical about fresh air!

agree completely with confusedande... you need to get them out more. lots of fresh air and exercise will improve everything

Someone once told me that is you were a shining vision of mummy loveliness all the time, then you would be preparing your DC very badly for life. Because life is when people sometimes are grumpy, have off days, or generally just fuck up a bit. I found it reassuring. Hope you do too

Pink oyster, I think that having small children is like being a new recruit in the Army. You are outnumbered, sleep deprived, knackered, at the mercy of other people's whims, adjusting to a completely different way of life not on your terms. They break you down man. But you do build yourself up again.
The wilderness years with my dc gave me self respect, something I had never had in my life. But if I can and could get us all through the day in one bit, I just have to respect myself for doing that.

You are so not a shit mother. You are normal. You WILL get through this. It DOES get better, I promise. In the meantime enjoy your moments, and if at all possible try to get a bit of time to yourself.

Thinking of you. You are doing a great job.

I think you do have to just get them wrapped up and out whatever the weather. My son needs two trips to the park a day to tire him out, otherwise he would be climbing the walls. I picked up cheap but very good waterproofs on ebay and just let him get on with it! If he gets really mucky then the bath is just another fun thing to do when we get home. I also bought myself stylish boots and coats which cheered me up! I used the little life backpacks with the detachable strap instead of reins/wriststraps and these were apparently much more acceptable!

My DS was officially HARD work until about three and a half. Just phenomenally high levels of physical energy, unable to be quiet ( even ish), constantly on the go (fast) and in need of entertaining from about 5-9 or 9.30. Never played with anything for longer than 3 mins and was very highly strung because he was so bloody over tired.

I can't imagine doing that with two. He is lovely now by the way It does get easier, MUCH easier.

It does get easier. I have 2 boys, 7.5 and 5 and 3-4 yrs ago I was just like you. It's hard, physically and mentally draining. Going out was what saved my sanity. Mine were tired but wouldn't nap at home so I used to bundle them into the car and drive to a park/ garden centre with soft play area/library etc. They would drop off to sleep and I'd park up at the destination and read my book and enjoy half an hour of peace. When they woke up we would go and play, they were well rested and less likely to bicker. I felt better and less stressed and shouty for having had some quiet time.

Now that they are older, they play together, sit quietly and read/ watch a movie/ play a game. They can take care of their own toileting, dressing etc. They are amazing company, and I enjoy every minute with them. Admittedly, this is easier now that they are at school and I work as there are fewer empty hours to fill!

I'm just entering into this territory now with my DS who is 2, I only have 1 but have one on the way. When we were ttc, DS was behaving like a dream he was so easy to be with and to persuade to do things. Then I got pregnant and he turned 2, he's a nightmare? I'm currently hiding upstairs whilst DH is persuading him to sit at the table to eat his breakfast. It's easier if there is just one of us trying to persuade him otherwise he is worse. I have no idea what I'm doing and it's only going to get harder.

I hate being the shouty, moody one but when I've had a full day of it at work and then come home to screaming and temper tantrums it's just too much.

My ds always wanted to run off when he was little. I got myself a bike with a kid seat on the back and another seat on the cross bar so I could go out safely with them both. It kept them entertained and contained as we could talk about things we saw on the way and sing songs, much nicer than being in the car.

I also let my dc get lost.. ie. they ran ahead in the park and I hid , whilst still keeping them in view. Once they realised I wasn't there they stressed out when they couldn't see me. This kind of cured the running off !

I think today is my turn for the award . My two (2.5 and 4.5) have been fighting and tearing lumps out of each other since 8.15. At one stage DD and I were sitting on the floor crying together after I shouted at both of them I also had to bring them to do the grocery shopping, which is never fun. DS (2) has stared doing sit down protests in the middle of the shop.

DH got back to find me sitting on the utility room floor (I left the door open) just to get away from them for 5 mins. he's taken DD off to her class and I'm about to put DS down for his nap. Hopefully the half hour of quiet will sort me out.

I'm so disappointed in myself, it was going to be such a nice day.... we're going to see santa after lunch and getting the tree on the way home.