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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wish I was a 1950s middle-upper class housewife?

113 replies

cruikshank · 11/12/2014 19:19

I reckon it would be great. No need to work. The husband does all that, in the city, and maybe bothers you once a year for marital ghastliness. And you have STAFF. Someone to cook, someone to clean, someone to do the gardening. You'd see the kids all washed and ready for bed for a couple of minutes in the evening. Your days could be free for doing embroidery and playing the piano and shit like that. As for nights, well, you'd have to eat dinner with the husband but then he'd go off and smoke his pipe somewhere while you read a book. And you wouldn't have to wash up! Sounds a lot better than trying to fit 48 hrs worth of activity, working, ferrying around, cleaning, cooking, washing etc into 24 and then congratulating yourself that you've 'got it all'. Bah.

OP posts:
Mousefinkle · 11/12/2014 23:19

See I've often fantasised about this. The 1950s is without doubt my favourite decade of the 20th century (although I'm intrigued by pretty much all 20th century history in general, the 50s just does something more for me you see Wink)

But truth be told I'd be a terrible 1950s wife. I get bored so easily and that's with the ten gallons of technology we have these days, imagine life without that to distract us!
I'm also terribly antisocial, I wouldn't be able to buy everything online so I'd have to regularly have human contact, that sucks.
I'm a really mean wife and I boss my husband around, if the roles were reversed as it would have been in the fifties and I had to do as my husband said I'd have a mental breakdown.
I really like not wearing make up some days and being a bit of a slob. My DH doesn't mind but back then he'd probably have left me or beat me.
I'm outspoken, opinionated and an atheist. I don't think the fifties had room for any of those traits in a woman Grin.

I'd be shit! I'd last a day, if that, then be begging to be returned to the 21st century. I quite like my freedom and independence, the fact I wasnt forced into marriage, I love my gay best friend and wouldn't want him to be in prison... And I'm quite fond of the Internet, bridge looks boring as hell.

I might wear red lipstick every day, love 1950s movies and music and dancing and fashion... But would I really want to be transported back there? No thanks.

whattheseithakasmean · 11/12/2014 23:19

Sadly, I would be the skivvy providing the breakfast in bed/laundry/child care - My granny was in service. Thank god for social mobility that In 2014 I have the skills to pay the bills without having to get my hands dirty.

manicinsomniac · 11/12/2014 23:29

Your OP sounds a little more 1850s than 1950s!

I'd hate it but I have always fancied the idea of being a middle class child in the 50s/60s. The Enid Blytonesque freedom and innocence thing is very appealing.

In terms of being a wife - well, I could settle for being a 2010s upper middle class SAHM with school age children and/or a nanny. Lots of time to see friends for coffees and lunches, lots of time for the gym and dance classes, shopping, matinees, walking my fantasy dogs that I'd have lots of time for and paying someone else to keep my lovely house clean. Plus lots of time for reading and the internet. Perfect!

Pipbin · 11/12/2014 23:55

I feel this when I watch Butterflies or The Good Life. Both the wife in Butterflies and Margot didn't work but had a daily cleaner. Even the couple in Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads have a daily.

People think I'm snobby now for having a weekly one.

DragonfliesDrawFlame · 11/12/2014 23:59

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArsenicStew · 12/12/2014 00:17

I think you might be disappointed with the romantic possibilities of 1950s housemaids Cycle TBH, I don' think they tended to the young and lucious.

Gawjushun · 12/12/2014 02:08

I think you're right dragon. I'm sure the glossiness of 50s housewifery would be exciting for a couple of weeks, but it'd soon be boring as shit. Plus, if you suffered any trauma, lost a relative, found out your DH was cheating, or generally just fell into depression there was no real support network. There were huge stigmas around mental health, and other than a few bridge playing buddies, who do you have? Plus as soon as the kids left home what would you even do with yourself?

Now the 1850s I can get behind. Not having to show your legs, vibrstors to cure hysteria, and cocaine drops for when the kids get rowdy...

Preciousbane · 12/12/2014 08:09

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Fallingovercliffs · 12/12/2014 11:03

I think what you're describing OP sounds more like Downton Abbey than the 1950s.

A 1950s upper middle class housewife would probably have had a daily cleaner, and possibly children away at boarding school from the age of about 12. But I suspect a lot of them were quite bored and unfulfilled hence why feminism gradually took off.
But I agree some aspects of that era were nice. A lot of women nowadays have to leave their children in crèches and go to work in order to pay the mortgage and the bills when they'd rather be at home.
I guess it's impossible to get it totally right.

ArsenicStew · 12/12/2014 12:05

Sounds like Mrs Miniver with a bit of vaseline on the lens Smile

squoosh · 12/12/2014 12:50

I'd have been married to a nice man called Howard who meekly applied for conjugals bi-annually, on his birthday and on the day he received his Christmas bonus. I prided myself on the fact I wasn't expected to debase myself on a quarterly basis like poor Sybil Pemberton from the The Willows. What a beastly appetite Percival Pemberton had.

Sadly for Howard my eyes were opened to a whole new world of filth when I joined the local Am Dram group and fell in with rather a fast crowd. It started with an innocent glass of sherry with Mildred Mellington after rehearsals for The Mikado and ended with me heading up a lesbian free love commune in Ibiza.

It isn't all bad news for dear Howard however as he was recently elected secretary of the Rotary Club.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 12/12/2014 14:28

You probably wouldn't have to do much 'marital duty'. Your husband would be shagging his secretary. Sex at home would be terribly British and only for procreation.

That's ok, you could be shagging the young virile gardener in the woodshed instead! Wink

Did we ever find out why there was apparently no oral sex in the 1950's?

Blueandwhitelover · 12/12/2014 16:52

Wasn't there a brilliant thread here a while back called something like 'What would Mumsnet have been like back in the old days?'
It was funny if someone could be super clever and resurrect it.

squoosh · 12/12/2014 16:57

I think oral sex only happened in Paris or similarly foreign flesh pots.

Nice gels wouldn't have dreamt of putting their husband's penis in their mouth.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/12/2014 19:18

There was plenty of oral sex in Victorian erotica so I don't think the '50's would have been any different

Santassleighisreversing · 12/12/2014 19:34

Squoosh that's hilarious Grin

I've always wanted to be Margot Leadbetter.

Amateur dramatics, the choral society, a little bit of pony trekking with Mrs. Dooms-Patterson, and the lovely Jerry to keep me in floral kimonos and objet d'art.

Perfect. Smile

pigsDOfly · 12/12/2014 20:31

Margot Leadbetter was part of the mid 70s, not 50s.

I'm wondering how many people on here who are stating 'facts' about life in the 50s were actually even born in the 50s.

50s housewife might look at modern women's lives and think how awful life must be for them having to work full time and run a home, to have to be seen to be 'having it all' and coping with all the pressures that brings.

And the idea that marital rape and domestic violence was a 'normal' part of most 50s housewives' lives? How can the posters on here who state that know exactly how many women lived lives like that. Was it any more rife than it is now? Have you compared the statistics? Do you know exactly what goes on in your neighbours' houses or in your street?

Yes, of course these things occurred but is life that different for many women nowadays? Yes, many women will managed to get themselves out of their awful situations, probably more than in the 50s but for far too many women domestic violence and rape are still a daily occurrence.

I suspect that just as many women live lives of quiet desperation now as in the 50s. We still haven't got rid of the women's shelters, they've been around since the beginning of the 70s. Over fifty years later they're still needed.

I have known a lot of women who would have been housewives in the 30s, 40s and 50s, women who were mentally and physically strong, women who built up their own small businesses or ruled their homes with a rod of iron. I don't make the assumption that all women of that era were like that and likewise we shouldn't make the assumption that all 50s wives were Stepford Wives.

Yes their lives were different from today's women and for some life was hard and brutal, but they weren't all downtrodden drudges.

LaQueenAnd3KingsOfOrientAre · 12/12/2014 20:48

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/12/2014 21:06

And the idea that marital rape and domestic violence was a 'normal' part of most 50s housewives' lives? How can the posters on here who state that know exactly how many women lived lives like that.

I think it's more the fact that marital rape wasn't recognised until 1991 that people are getting at.

HopeNope · 12/12/2014 21:12

YANBU. That was the blissful life! Now we just work work work Hmm

campingfilth · 12/12/2014 21:17

All that valium and vodka....ooh lovely

pigsDOfly · 12/12/2014 22:56

Yes I accept that it wasn't recognised until the 90s Punani but that doesn't mean that it was a constant in most women's lives in the 50s as some people appear to think and that it's not still happening today.

I grew up in the 50s and tbh I really don't recognise the society that most of the people on here are talking about.

Valium Camping? not until the 60s I'm afraid.

QTPie · 12/12/2014 23:24

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Trills · 13/12/2014 01:05

And the idea that marital rape and domestic violence was a 'normal' part of most 50s housewives' lives? ... Have you compared the statistics?

The lack of statistics is rather the point.

Women were expected to be available.

Most would not have considered unwanted sex to be a problem, it was what they had to do.

They certainly wouldn't have reported it as rape, even if they really did not want to that night, even if they had said no, even if they had tried to physically resist.

But those who had not said no, had not physically resisted, they were still very likely been coerced through societal pressures into having sex hey did not want.

They might not have recognised it as rape, but we in our modern world would think that "you must have sex with this man or else you risk losing the respect of your peers and losing custody of your children if you try to leave him" as wrong.

TheFirstSolo · 13/12/2014 01:25

Yes please! I've often thought I was born into the wrong decade...