to not give a f*** if you are sending Christmas cards or not this year

[lemisscared]

And be tempted to put on my Facebook that im not sending any cards because i never do and wont be donating to charity either!!

A few of my fb friends have done this "we are not sending cards but are donating to x charity instead"

Err well done then - you are a wonderfully right on , public spirited good egg , look at you giving money to charity. ....whoop de do!!

You could just give the money to charity without bragging about it or buy cards from the red cross etc.

I haven't done cards for years. Christmas is also end of school year for us, so after writing all my reports, I have no energy for cards as well.

I send cards every year. I go to a lot of expense to do it. I like sending cards. My friends don't donate to charity and post about it on Facebook. They say 'oh, I got your card, we didn't bother this year'. I think cheapskates. I know they can afford them, there is no question of that.

If you never send any cards, why would anyone care that you're not doing it this year either?

Gah. Life does go on without you putting every single thing on Facebook. I sometimes wonder if the people who post here think Facebook accounts are compulsory.

I agree with you, OP. Here's what I think:

1. It's unseemly to boast about charitable giving. Do it in private.
2. Why not send cards and give to charity?
3. If you can't afford to do both, why not give up something that is pleasurable to you (chocolates or something) rather than give up something that is pleasurable to your friends and family (i.e. a card from you)?
4. Everyone finds writing and sending cards a bit of a nuisance, so actually all you're doing is spending the same amount of money but minus the inconvenience of writing cards - so you're not being noble at all, you're doing something which actually benefits yourself.
5. At the same time you've succeeded in placing yourself firmly on the moral high ground so none of your friends and family can complain without looking small-minded.

However, I would never write any of this on my friends' FB statuses (two have done this so far). I just think it in private.

i don't send cards, nor do i make any extra festive charity donations in its place. I think my friends and family have worked it out by now

OP, I find your post unnecessarily unkind and upsetting, it's really hit a nerve. I, like many others no doubt, have had an almost unmanageably hectic and sad year, and lost my father. I have chosen to donate to two different charities in lieu of cards, one my father supported, and one which supported him when he was ill. I don't intend to 'brag' about it as you suggest, but will let people know, so they don't feel like I've forgotten them. But hey, get this, I'm not going to use Facebook, I'm going to do an email ROUND ROBIN. Would you like a copy OP?

Sorry to be snippy, but please consider that there are plenty of reasons that people might not manage cards this year and why donating to charity is the right thing for them personally.

Rant over. Let's put it behind us and get a mulledeh, 'tis Christmas after all.

I am fortunate in that I can afford to send cards (which I enjoy doing) and also give to Charity (which I also enjoy)

And I don't use Facebook so don't make any big announcement. As skylark says, it is not essential to have a Facebook account, I live quite happily without it.

But I sometimes wonder about the 'etiquette' of sending cards to people who don't send cards (IYSWIM) - does it mean they don't really want to receive cards as they don't like the clutter of cards ?

I've done this for the last few years.

Not bragging just so that people know that we haven't forgotten them but that we aren't sending cards.

We choose a different charity each year ( usually Military as DH is a Soldier) but this year Spina Bifida, as 34 years ago I lost a child just after birth with it.

People who have known me a long time will know why that Charity and remember my son this Christmas.

I am sorry to hear that Mirren. I hope that Christmas is as manageable for you as best it can be. My sister is doing the same as she lost her husband too. It's too hard to send cards without his name on.

I do think that people do need to be more tolerant somtimes. We lost our DD five years ago now but I still struggle to send cards without her name on them now. I do donate to charity. I don't personally put it on FB but I understand why people do as it might look odd to some if they suddenly stopped sending them. E.g. in the case of my sister and Mirren (and me too in that first year or two).

Each to their own but it is not always FB bragging I think.

Ragwort, as someone who has wanted to send cards but not made the time, I thank people like you who send me cards without receiving mine in return. It's always nice to be remembered and I promise mine will be in their way soon. Some day. I hope.

Thanks - you just reminded me to do my 'I won't be sending cards I will give to charity' post :)
FYI - Charity's really like you to share what you are doing as it promotes them so (raspberry blowing emoticon).

Yep this show of aren't i so wonderful and those who give cards are evil boils my piss!! I gave food to a food bank the other day but didn't feel the need to advertise it!
I like giving cards, and if I want to give to charity shock horror I will do both

I'm not on Facebook. I get my modest cards for the following year in the sales just after Christmas. It saves tons of money. Most of my friends live locally and my dh and I toddle round putting them through doors. 2nd class stamps for about ten cards isn't much for those who live further away. And I like to write a cheery message in each card. I reckon a tenner covers all this.

As for charity, we like to do what we can for our favourite ones. And we give a small Christmas Box to our lovely postman, window cleaner and bin men. Surely people can afford this without breaking the bank? My point is that you can do both, in a modest way. So don't be so Bah Humbug!

I've never bought cards and I don't donate to anyone in lieu either. I'm just a really horrible person also don't have facebook.

I'd imagine they do it so people who send them cards aren't offended when they don't receive one back. Personally I don't get offended not to get something in return but a lot of people do so, you know, just avoids any 'upset'.

I think it's probably so that people won't be wondering why x didn't send them a card this year, when they've been sending them one for years,

To be honest the whole Christmas card business is such a minefield I'm actually glad it's a dying tradition (and I am normally hugely in favour of traditional celebrations and gestures).

It seems odd to me as you could do both.

You are depriving others of a card from you to give to charity rather than depriving yourself of something which seems the opposite of charitable iyswim.

Why not 'instead of buying a new lipstick today, I'm going to donate the money to charity.'?

I don't give to charity or send cards by the way!