To want to make a will that screws EX DH's new girlfriend?

[bottomsup2]

Hi, my DH of 12 years left me while I was having cancer treatment this year; he left me for his little tart who is half his age. I have two small children and now want to make a will in case this aggressive B*stard of a disease gets me. I live in fear that soon-to-be-Ex-DH will marry the silly little tart as soon as he can...and then if I die and they divorce, won't she get half of MY house? The one I've been paying half the mortgage on for 12 years? And then what happens to my children? I am trying to protect my kids and sadly get my affairs in order so please be kind because unless you've been in this position it is hard to imagine how scary it is.

Questions -
Can I somehow protect the kids and if so how?

Do I have to tell STBExHusband about my new will?

Do I have to leave any of the house to him or can I leave all my part to the kids and therefore they'll get 50% if I die and he gets 50%? So they either all live here or it gets sold and 50% of the profits go into my kids bank accounts? (and won't my exhusband just withdraw it from their accounts as the adult on their accounts?)

I have savings - can I put in the will that this is to go the kids education, either privately or for university and if not used for this, for their inheritance at age 25? Otherwise the silly girlfriend will just spend it.

Can I state that certain people (my brother) are not to receive anything, or is it the case that if I don't mention them specifically to receive something in the will, then they won't get anything?

Can I state that certain people (my brother) are never to have unsupervised access to my children?

Can I specify my preference for guardians if I happen to die after my STBExHusband? (& who would the children be automatically 'offered' to if not? Are grandparents and uncles and aunts automatically asked if they can care for the children?)

Sorry for all the questions - I think there are some legal whizzes around this board and I'd be grateful for your input.

Message mumblechum1 - she's a qualified solicitor and has quoted me a fixed total fee for writing a will that's far less than the rate you're talking per hour!

YANBU

I have written a while and expressly said why certain people are not being left anything and why.

I have said who I want as guardians.

I have said when the children can have some money.

I have said they must be allowed money for treatments two of them currently need and for anything educational they want.

You need legal advice. It is your chance to express your wishes but they might be contested if not thought to be in the best interests of the children,

I hope you never have to worry about any of this.

Wow, britbat that's possibly the least sensitive message I've ever read on MN.

Seriously britbat??

I have something similar to what you want in place, but the other way round, so dh's ex can't get her hands on my house!

Basically everything is tied up for the children. Dh can live in the house, or any property bought with the proceeds, until he dies.

Money in the trusts are administered by my executors, my brother and my cousin. Dh would go through them if he needed anything. These are also named as guardians should anything happen to dh.

Chat to some trusted friends, ask them what they'd be willing to do - would the be executors of your will to ensure your wishes are carried out, be guardians if necessary. Then get a good solicitor and get it drawn up.

Wow, britbat. Are you the tart??

OP, definitely get a solicitor to do this for you, but I dearly hope you have no need for it x

Wow britbrat, that is appalling.

Op, I am a solicitor but in the wrong country. Arrange a free initial consultation to get initial information, lots of firms offer that. Alternatively, as million says, look for a fixed fee offer.

OP - you can sever a joint tenancy at any time by serving notice on the joint tenant. you don't need to get divorced to do this. You can then leave your "share" to your kids either outright or, more likely, in trust. Your STBXH would, if you did nothing else, have the legal title but he would be trustee for himself and the children.

But this is complicated and you need a RL solicitor to help you and check all your deeds. A will writer may be able to do the will but there are other issues to think about here too.

Really sorry that you are going through this.

As another poster has said, you need to check whether your house is held as joint tenants (i.e. you own it jointly & survivor automatically inherits) or tenants in common (i.e you each own a share & can leave it to a 3rd party).

If it is the former, your ex will inherit your half even if you specify otherwise in your will. You actually need to change this to tenants in common during your lifetime - it is free to do so. See: www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership/overview

YANBU - I think you should get a will drawn up and protect your children as a priority. Good luck.

No advice just wanted to wish you well xxxx

you have to see a solicitor and sort out separating the house so that your half can go to the children. something to do with tenants in common/joint tenants which I can not remember which way round.

all you other assest can be left in trust to the children for when they are eighteen, 21 or 25 say.

Evening all,
we have deleted britbat's post so as not to derail this thread, but out of a sense of fairness we do wish to point out that to our reading it was decent, if somewhat uncomfortably practical advice. Our very best wishes go out to you, bottomsup2.

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I have just done my will so I know the answer to most your questions is yes, you can set it up a trust for your children that they can access at an age that you decide.

You can also get around it so that if your dh remarries - should they split up or he dies, she won't be entitled to any of your money.

I would arrange a meeting with a solicitor and get the ball rolling.

Good luck with beating your illness.

I would get divorced now .
Then sort out financial stuff when feel better.
If you are not working benefit could help you out .
Him paying the Mortgage only benfits him not you.

If you make a will and then divorce the will wont be valid. you will sort out the financials as part of the divorce and then you can leave your assets to whomever you choose.

Why do you call her a silly little tart? Your issues should be with husband not her. Why do you want to punish her? She has done nothing wrong

To all the kind people who've recommended me on this thread

OP,
I'll answer your PM in a sec but thought it may help others in a similar position to set out some basics on the thread.

1. If and when you get divorced, neither will have a claim against the other so long as the consent order in the divorce proceedings specifically dismisses any future claims under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependants) Act 1975.

1. I appreciate that that doesn't deal with your fear that you may die before you divorce, so you need, in the short term, to sever the joint tenancy, presuming that you have one. This is a simple admin task.

1. Crucially, in order to prevent your Stbx from getting his mitts on your money if you're still married when you die, you need to make a will leaving all of your estate, including your share of the house, to your children. If they're not old enough to take control of it at your death, it will be held in trust by at least 2 people of your choice.

1. In these cases I always include a clause specifically excluding the spouse to prevent an accusation that they were missed off accidentally.

1. As you're getting divorced at some point you probably don't want to make a life interest trust, unless you'd be happy for your ex to carry on living there with the children ( and probably the OW).

I'm very sorry that you're going through such a hard time and wish you a full recovery

Thinking of you x

So sorry about what you are going through but you are on the right track for wanting to get it sorted now.

I did the following in my will:

Left my half of property & assets to my children. We severed the joint ownership agreement & became tenants in common to do this. Our solicitor applied to the land registry to this, it cost about 50.00

I left all remaining cash,assets & jewellery to my children to be held in trust until they are 21.

I named one brother as my kids legal guardian & another brother as my executor.

I also named backup a guardian & executor.

I named all reciepients of gifts, monetary or goods but it is a good idea to also name the people you don't want to inherit from you.

I inherited my grandmothers' wedding jewellery so I specifically
named my daughter as the next recipient. Everything is very clear but we will look to renew it in the next year or so.

No advice OP but (((Huge Hugs))))

So whilst you remain married, you can choose not to leave anything to your "DH", but his half of the house will be his (so if tart did marry & divorce in theory she could get a quarter). You can leave it in trust to your children, with someone else as trustee.

Your children's guardianship is harder, and limiting access by family such as brother to the children. You can make your wishes clear, but whether they are followed depends on those remaining... so DH or other next of kin.

Certainly "get your affairs in order", but then move on with your treatment, your life and all the great things you will be once you have recovered your health. Once it is sorted it won't need any head space for a long time.

Certainly OP can leave her part of the house to her children but the joint tenancy MUST be severed. Otherwise the gift in the will is overridden by the joint tenancy.