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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to keep old photos of exes?

43 replies

Thegreatweddingdressdilemma · 09/12/2014 12:50

Sorting through some old photos and there are some of me with various exes over the years. Nothing dodgy just holiday snaps etc.

AIBU to keep them? I don't really look at them ever, but it feels sad to throw them away, not because of the exes (they are all ancient history now and I am totally smitten with DP soon to be DH) but because the photos remind me of my youth and a time when I was carefree and travelled a lot and hung out and got drunk with friends.......a time before mortgage rates and TTC took over our lives.

I don't have days on end to sort through all the photos (there are literally several thousand) and just delete the photos featuring exes and I don't want to do a mass delete (all the photos I am talking about are stored electronically). Do you still have photos featuring exes? Is it reasonable?

OP posts:

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/12/2014 18:36

OP, I am very similar to yourself. Lots of old photos I can't be bothered to look through, but I can be fairly certain that at least three exes are amongst them. All splits were amicable, they are part of my past, I see no reason to discard them. Why would I?

Why do you feel you have to consider getting rid of these photos?

Bellerina2 · 09/12/2014 18:49

I still have photo albums of holidays with my ex in a box somewhere. I don't keep them because of him, I keep them because we travelled to some lovely places and I want to keep the photos of the sights we saw.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 09/12/2014 21:17

I don't have any photos of any exs because I'll have got rid of any shortly after break up with them.

Dh has a couple of photos of my predecessor. I don't care and anyway she was a minger who broke his heart and I am much better looking

TimelyNameChangey · 09/12/2014 21:20

I have some. They remind me of the time...not the ex.

bigbluestars · 09/12/2014 21:36

Of course- many are times of fantastic travels I have done, Seychelles, Bali, Thailand, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Malaysia, all fabulous places- some of them have my exs in them but that's fine.
OH doesn't care- it's him I'm with- he has pictures of his exs too- at his brother's wedding etc.

WE are not a jealous couple.

SlimJiminy · 09/12/2014 21:51

I recently found a load of photos of me and an ex that I didn't even know I'd kept! Immediately got rid of them. I don't mind them being in a group pic, but no way do I want to hang onto a load of pics of us together. Have kept some scenic/arty ones of the places we've been, but that's it.

BadLad · 09/12/2014 22:10

I have some. My biographer might need them one day.

DoraGora · 09/12/2014 22:21

Keep them. I do. As long as there's nothing bad about the person, it's fine.

tigermoll · 10/12/2014 04:54

To the posters who would get rid of pictures because they 'prefer to live in the present ' - why do you take any photos at all?? Surely the point of taking photos is to help you remember your past - if you are so relentlessly keen to only focus on the here and now why bother? (ps I have a friend who has recently escaped a controlling relationship. One of the things her XDP did was to make her get rid of ALL her photo, for similar jealousy based reasons . This included all the pictures of her wedding to the father of her children, so now her kids don't have a single picture of him. Also she was very happy that day and looked gorgeous. What a shame she isn't able to see the pictures any more.)

Toadinthehole · 10/12/2014 06:10

YANBU. I have pictures of all my old GFs. I haven't seen any of them for over a decade, and I have absolutely no idea if any of them ever think of me at all, but I still remember them and the good times we had with great fondness. DW knows I have them, and occasionally she has asked stuff about them and I've told her.

Haven't kept any love letters.

She only had one previous boyfriend, has no pictures of him, and has never said anything good about him, which I find a bit sad. He can't have been all that bad because she went out with him for long enough and doesn't suffer me fools gladly.

I feel like an old age pensioner typing this.

Handsoff7 · 10/12/2014 06:44

YANBU. I haven't deleted or thrown away any old photos. They are a record of what the past was and an ex being in a few shots doesn't mean they need to be thrown away.

youareallbonkers · 10/12/2014 07:27

I keep photos, I find it weird and suspicious that anyone would destroy them just because the ex is in them. Also odd the number of people who have said current partner doesn't mind. Why should he or she mind? How odd

wonkylegs · 10/12/2014 07:51

I keep photos of exs & some old letters & stuff but I am also friends with 2 of them still in real life & FB.
He's the same & he's actually friends with one of my exs and I am with one of his (weirdly she ended up in the same NCT class as us)
I've been with DH 14 years and he knows that he's the one who got me to stick around for so long & the one that got me to agree to marriage.
Memories are part of the past, some of them good, some of them bad but all of them part of what got me here.

Mmmicecream · 10/12/2014 08:06

YANBU.

It's not about my exes, it's about me and the different versions I was before I became who I am now. The journey etc etc.

I think it's weird to pretend that you didn't have any good memories from before meeting your partner.

SlimJiminy · 10/12/2014 09:10

I suppose every relationship is different and things like whether it ended amicably, how long the relationship lasted, how serious is was, etc could all make a difference? None of my previous relationships have ended well. In all cases I've been glad to see the back of them - a couple due to signs they were becoming controlling/abusive and one if I'm honest I felt stupid for even going out with him - he was so wrong for me, I don't know what I was thinking! So yeah, I just don't want photos of them hanging around the home I share with my husband. Storage isn't great for starters - I'd rather hang on to sentimental things from this relationship, not past ones. I came across a few albums with my long-term ex in them - not been looked at for donkeys years and just taking up space I could use for other more useful things. I do tend to have regular clear outs too, so I suppose I was just surprised I hadn't come across these sooner. I can use the shelf space for other stuff now. I didn't see it as a big deal - not a ritualistic burning of the photos or anything - just a practical getting rid of stuff I no longer wanted.

mix56 · 10/12/2014 09:37

I am amazed by old pictures of me in my younger days, The way we looked, the places we went, the clothes, the whole "époque".
school days, college days, first flat days... its full of souvenirs, & totally enthralls me when I happen upon the few I have. My children too, & awe struck to see me as a young person.. My OH wanted me to trash the lot. (jealous type) I refused, I had a past I enjoy most of the memories.

angelos02 · 10/12/2014 09:46

It would be a massive red flag to me if someone asked me to throw out photos and letters of exes. That would be a non-negotiable, run for the hills moment.

Mammanat222 · 10/12/2014 10:10

OH has a few pics of his Ex (group ones, he didn't even know he had them until he was sorting through a few years back) he offered to throw them but I didn't see the point also the weren't very flattering pictures of her

I don't have any myself, have pictures from holidays I went on with Ex's but they are scenic. None of actual ex's.

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